This story has a Sexis companion piece called "The Next Moment" on the Sexis page.


Alexis sat on the couch and snuggled into the cushions, a throw blanket over her legs, a book on preemie nutrition in her hands. She hadn't even reached a decision about nursing versus formula when Kristina had been born, but the moment she'd seen her little girl, Alexis had known without a doubt that her baby needed every possible advantage to help her get stronger. Thankfully one of the nurses had taken mercy on Alexis and told her where to purchase a mechanized breast pump, and though her milk had gone to waste those first few weeks, her angel had taken to nursing the very first time she had tried it.

Now weighing in at a healthy seven pounds, her three month old miracle was laying in her own bed in her own room and Alexis was learning how to breathe again. After so many stressful days and nights, and all the tentative steps toward getting her daughter home, Alexis felt like she could finally relax.

Of course, that didn't mean she didn't put her book down every half hour and go to the nursery to make sure everything was okay.

Creeping into the room, Alexis peered down at the sleeping infant dressed in two sleepers to help keep her still underweight body from being too cold. The beautiful cashmere blanket Stefan had sent lay over top of her, her initials, K.D., monogrammed on it in the upper right corner.

The blanket was actually part of a completely extravagant layette set that Stefan had sent the moment word reached him on his sailing expedition in Fiji that she had given birth. Each piece was of the finest quality, beautifully hand-sewn and precious to Alexis. But it was also the reason that Alexis had developed a habit she hated -- calling the baby K.D. She hadn't even noticed she'd begun doing it until one day when the nurse at the pediatrician's office had said, "that's such a cute nickname."

She knew it was only natural. Lots of kids had nicknames, and seeing those hand-sewn K.D.s all over her house had made it an easy trap to fall into...but Alexis intended to tell Stefan when he arrived for Easter that his niece's new moniker, which he was bound to hate, was entirely his fault.

Smiling, Alexis stared down at "K.D." Stefan's note with the layette had read, "For the newest Cassadine princess, and don't think just because I have acquiesced and acknowledged her as Kristina Davis that it means that I don't believe her initials should be K.C." If he only knew, Alexis thought.

Her next thought was, oh, no, no thoughts of you tonight, Sonny, and Alexis turned and quietly left the room. K.D. had another half hour or so to go on her nap, and Alexis did not want to disturb the tenuous schedule they were working on. Heading back to the living room, the new mom picked up her book and prepared to get back to reading when she heard a knock on the door. The book was quickly returned to the coffee table, and Alexis walked over to see who it was. She couldn't have been more surprised by who stood on the other side if her life depended on it.

"Hey there, how's my favorite ex-wife?"

Alexis stared at Jax, her right hand coming to rest on her hip as her left one held the door open. She had barely seen her ex-husband and supposed best friend for months...in fact, other than his supportive stint following her sister's death, Alexis had barely spent an hour total with Jax in months. And that sudden realization brought a cross look to Alexis' face as she addressed him.

"What's the matter, Jax? Brenda and Skye got bored with running away so you could chase them, so you decided to drop by and see your old pal Alexis?"

Shockingly enough to Alexis, her first instinct when she finished speaking was to say, "thanks but no thanks" and slam the door. She was really angry at him -- and for the first time, she knew it. She was also pretty pleased with the look on his face because it meant he knew just how hurt she really was.

"Wow...I really deserve that, don't I?"

"Yes," Alexis said, nodding to add emphasis, "you do."

Jax looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I really am."

She remained silent. Jax looked up and stared into her eyes. She was still looking at him, still waiting for something.

"I've been a horrible friend and I am probably the world's worst husband and boyfriend, but I would really like a chance to redeem myself as an uncle, if you'll let me."

"You never even came to see her."

God, the pain in that admission was almost as big as the well of guilt Jax felt open up inside of his gut when he heard it. How could he have done that to her?

"No, I didn't. And I'm sorry. I'm an ass, Alexis. A first-rate, grade-A Aussie ass. But I love you, and I'm sorry."

Alexis' anger had swirled up in her from a place she knew was very tender and very vulnerable. So many people had pushed her in all the wrong ways, pulled at her to do the wrong things or ignored her when she needed them. It had shocked her more than she could admit for one of those people to be Jax. But she did love him, and she could see that he really was sorry.

"You're going to have to make it up to her, not me. She's very annoyed that you haven't been by before now, and she's very stubborn."

Jax smiled. Stubborn -- he couldn't imagine where she got that from, he thought sarcastically.

"Congratulations, by the way," he said as he moved inside the apartment and embraced Alexis warmly. He was surprised when he felt the strength of her hug increase and he heard a small sob escape her throat.

"Alexis," Jax asked, pulled back and looking at her, "what is it?"

"You're the first person to say that to me. I mean, Stefan wrote it in a letter, but you're the first person to actually say congratulations out loud to me. It was like everyone was afraid to say it. Like they thought she wouldn't..."

Jax renewed his tight embrace and held Alexis against him. She had been so alone, and he had been part of the reason why.

"I promise you, Alexis, you will never need me again and not have me. I swear it."

She cried a few more tears and then began to pull out of his embrace. Smiling weakly, Alexis pushed her bangs back off of her face and swiped at her eyes.

"Well, this is mostly what you missed, a lot of me crying the last three months."

Jax let his hand rise up and he wiped away the last of her tears.

"You had a lot of reasons to cry. But now, only smiles."

His wide grin brought a smile to her face, and she took his arm, threading hers through the V that his elbow created.

"Come on, let's go see K.D."

"K.D.?" he asked, genuinely surprised.

"It's all Stefan's fault," she began as they headed for the nursery.

An hour later, the baby had eaten again and was resting in her Uncle Jax' arms in the living room chair. It seemed his Aussie playboy charm worked on infants as well, and Kristina's generally fussy demeanor around strangers had given way to smiles and sighs for him.

"Yet another woman who has fallen under your spell," Alexis said as she took a sip from her water bottle and then replaced the bottle on the coffee table.

"Well, for a woman this beautiful and who is so clearly such a good judge of character, I'm glad the magic still works. Any woman of a slightly older age, however, well, let's just say I'm hoping to refrain from any spell casting for a while."

"Trouble in woman paradise?"

Jax looked over at Alexis and thought of all the things he wanted to tell her about the mess that had become his life, but as he looked down at the tiny girl in his arms and then back at her mother, he suddenly wanted only to care for them for a while and focus on something positive, like this too-long ignored friendship and the new person who had already laid claim to his heart.

"Are you two doing anything the next few days?"

Alexis looked at Jax as she mentally ran through her schedule -- a list of appointments that were now all about doctor visits and mommy and me groups.

"Well, we were really looking forward to the Baby Mozart session at Toddlers 'n Toys," she said, rolling her eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"Is K.D. good to travel?"

"Uh, yeah, I mean, she's healthy, she just needs lots of extra check ups to stay that way, but she's not due back at the pediatrician's till next Monday."

"Look, you need a break, I need a break and this little one here, she needs to see ground not covered with snow. It's absolutely beautiful in California in February, and I just happen to have a beach house in Malibu that is sitting there empty waiting for us."

"Mal..." her words cut off as Alexis started to think of all the reasons she was going to say no. But the truth was, there weren't any good ones. She did need a break -- a break from Ned and her constant struggle to include him but not depend on him, a break from all the people wondering when she would go back to work or waiting for her to falter and ask for help. And in truth, she had missed this friendship so very, very much.

"I think we would love to go to Malibu with you."

Jax smiled and looked down at Kristina.

"You hear that, Little Miss Davis, we're going watch the sunset in California."

**************************************************

Twenty-four hours after Jax had made the promise of a golden Malibu sunset to the ladies Davis, he delivered. The small group gathered on the terrace of the house, bundled up in blankets so that the baby was warm enough, and watched the sky turn blue and lavender as the brilliant sun said goodnight to the coast. Alexis held K.D. in her arms as Jax held Alexis, and the three of them shared the peace and quiet of the moment.

Jax had just finished setting out dinner for him and Alexis when she came down the stairs, baby monitor in hand, and walked toward him.

"She is one tired little girl. That's the most excitement she's had that wasn't about scaring me to death in her entire life."

He knew she meant it as a bit of a joke, but Jax only felt a rush of sadness at how hard things had been for Alexis and, again, at his own failing to be there for her. Alexis, however, read him and walked up, touching her hand to his cheek.

"I said I forgave you. Now enough."

They sat down to dinner and chatted amicably about his business and his indecision over what to do with Club 101 now that he had lost all interest in it and about her plan of limiting her clients to only Jacks Family Holdings and Cassadine business issues until Kristina was older. Alexis knew she would miss the work because of the stimulation it gave her, but after the struggle of her baby's first three months, Alexis was having a hard time imagining working 10 or 12 hour days that kept here away from her little girl.

"Well, I think the Jacks' and the Cassadines could keep you quite entertained with all of our nefarious wheeling and dealing. And you could always do some work for the hospital. I'm sure Alan would love to have you back there."

"Maybe," Alexis said, shrugging, "I just know that I don't want to miss out on this time with K.D. right now. I want her to know when I get ready to go back to work full-time that she is the most important thing in my life and work is just something I do because I enjoy it. I mean, I know not many women have that luxury, but I do and I want to take advantage of it."

"Then you should," Jax agreed, clinking his wine glass against Alexis' water glass. "By the way, in case you don't know this, motherhood looks beautiful on you."

She blushed and Jax smiled again. A loud crack of thunder got both of their attention, and they turned to see a streak of lightening in the night sky.

"Looks like we're in for a storm," Jax said before he turned back toward his dinner companion.

They finished their meal talking about John and Jane and their promise to come visit Port Charles as soon as they had cleared up some family business in Australia. After clearing the dishes to the kitchen, Jax came back to the living room to find Alexis standing near the patio door. It was open, and he could hear the first few drops of rain beginning to fall against the deck as more lightening struck out brilliantly above them. As he neared, Jax could see that Alexis was holding the baby monitor in her hands, turning it over idly as she stared out into the night.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"It's felt like I've been trapped in a storm for months. This almost seems calming compared to what life has been like."

Jax nodded silently, understanding. He knew just what she meant. Only now did he see how out of control everything had been since the moment Brenda reappeared in his life. Again, however, he suppressed the urge to begin talking about it. He had brought Alexis here to renew her spirit and their friendship. His problems could wait.

"Alexis, can I ask you something? And, please, tell me I'm out of line if you want to, but I just really need to ask."

She turned and looked at him, her back leaning against the door jam.

"No, she isn't."

He looked at her, half surprised that she'd known his question, half-shocked that she'd admitted the truth so easily.

"I've seen you looking at her, studying her," Alexis said, walking away from the patio and to the coffee table, where she sat down the monitor. From there she moved to the fireplace and the roaring fire Jax had built earlier. She sank down onto the floor, her hands wrapping around her knees. "You're looking for Ned in her, but you don't see it, and you want to know if she's really his daughter."

Jax stuffed his hand in his pockets as he wandered over and sat on the floor across from Alexis.

"I think I knew that, even before. I guess I just didn't want to ask you because...well, because I hoped he was."

Alexis nodded. "We, uh, we lied to keep Sonny from finding out."

"I don't blame you for not wanting Sonny to know, Alexis," he said, reaching out for her hand. "You know how I feel about Sonny. He's dangerous to everyone around him, and his selfishness knows no bounds. He wouldn't care that he was endangering K.D., if he ever found out, he'd lay his claim and you'd have to be afraid for your daughter every day."

"Yeah, I know," Alexis said with a trembling voice, "only the thing is, he didn't."

Jax looked at her as if he hadn't understood what she meant. Alexis read his expression and explained.

"He knows, Jax. He hasn't said anything, he hasn't done anything, but he knows."

"Alexis, that doesn't sound like the Sonny I know."

"No," Alexis shook her head in agreement, "but it sounds like the Sonny I knew before everything went so wrong."

"I don't think that man ever existed, Alexis. I know you do, but..."

"Jax, you weren't there, okay." Alexis stood, walking back toward the patio door. "I know that I was blind to a lot of things about Sonny that were bad, but you're blind to anything about him that's good or positive, and you know that's the truth. I saw the man he is when he wants to be...when he wants to be better than the man he's become."

He wanted to go to her and look her dead in the eye and tell her she was wrong, but from what Alexis had told him over the last 24 hours, enough people had been doing that to her for the last several months. So Jax stayed where he was and thought carefully about what he would say next.

"Why are you so sure that he knows?"

Alexis folded her arms in front of her as she focused her gaze on the heavy rain that was now drenching the deck and splattering a bit into the house from the open door.

"I was at the hospital waiting for the doctor for her eight week check up. The nurse said it would be a bit because they were behind, and I didn't want K.D. around all the other babies because, you know, she's still so vulnerable to everything, and so I went out into the main lobby to wait. I took her out of her seat and I was holding her and just rocking her, talking to her. And I looked up and Sonny was standing about five feet away, just watching us."

"What did he say?"

A large splash of rain washed over Alexis' feet and she realized how much water was beginning to make its way in from the patio. Stepping back, she closed the door and turned to look at Jax.

"He didn't say anything. He just looked at me and he looked at her...and he knew. He didn't move. Not a step, not a motion with his hand, nothing. But I'm telling you, Jax, he knows...and he didn't do any of the things I thought he'd do. No lawyers, no threats, no confrontations..."

Now he stood and moved to the couch, sitting on the arm.

"Alexis, that doesn't mean he knows. Maybe you just thought you saw something that wasn't there."

"He shows up all the time now. When we're at the hospital, when I took her to Kelly's for her first public outing...Sonny shows up everywhere. He never approaches us, never even tries to talk to me, he just looks at us. It's like he's waiting for me...like he's begging me to ask him to come in."

Jax would never understand in his life what a woman like Alexis saw in a man like Sonny Corinthos, but he could see now as she began to cry that it was real and that Jax hating him didn't make that any less of a reality. Her next words only confirmed what was reflected so clearly in her eyes. He was sure it must have been there before, but he had ignored it because it wasn't what he wanted for her. Now, he knew he had to listen to Alexis and help her find her way.

"How can I still love him so much after everything that's happened?"

Her voice was barely audible for the tears and the pain in it, and Jax reached for her hand, drawing her toward him as he pulled her into his lap and held her.

"How do we ever love anyone after they hurt us, after we hurt them? If I knew the answer to that, I'd know how to fix my own life, Alexis."

Pushing herself back, Alexis looked at Jax. "Tell me," was all she said. When Jax started to protest, Alexis put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed gently.

"Tell me."

And so he did. Jax unfolded the whole sordid story of his marriage and his infidelity and his subsequent realization that he had destroyed a woman he had thought he loved for a woman he loved and barely knew anymore.

"I wanted her to be the same person she was when she left. I thought Brenda was the woman she became in my mind over those four years without her. But I forgot. I forgot how much she listens to Sonny and how there was always that doubt I had that she trusted me completely. And now that I'm getting to know who she is, I don't know that I can love her."

"What about Skye?" Alexis asked.

Jax dropped his head, a small cloud of shame passing over his eyes.

"What she did to Brenda was terrible, but the way I treated her...Alexis, when did I become that man? A man who would tell a woman I loved her and throw her away a day later? I...she hasn't stopped drinking since then, did you know that?"

"That is Skye's choice, Jax. You may have hurt her, but it was her choice to start drinking again."

"That doesn't make me feel any less responsible for it."

She leaned her head against his and stroked his hair gently. "I know."

They sat there together quietly for a while, and then Alexis shifted to sit on the actual couch. Jax followed suit, sitting beside her.

"So what are you going to do," Jax asked, "about Sonny?"

"You know, when I first found out I was pregnant I had this conversation with Ned, and I remember telling him that I wondered what would have happened if my mother had never told Mikkos she was pregnant with me. I wondered if she would still be alive. I wondered if I was reliving her life somehow, you know, falling in love with this dangerous, charming man who the world feared but who I was sure had a good heart."

"It's always hard to think about what ifs, but I suppose there is a chance that things would have been different and your mother would have lived," Jax replied.

Alexis nodded, then turned her eyes to Jax. "Yeah, but you know what I realized later on? If she had done that, then there would have been no Kristina. I would have never had my little sister, not even for the short time we did spend together in our lives. And that would have been even more tragic than losing her to Alcazar and his evil heart."

Jax watched as Alexis picked up the baby monitor once more and held it against her chest.

"I think sometimes that the only reason I was ready to love this little baby is that Kristina forced me to start looking at my own heart, to start seeing what I felt there. That may be the only reason K.D. even exists. I was so in denial about how I felt, but she wouldn't let me get away with it. Who knows? Without her pushing me, would I have ever given in to what I felt for Sonny? Would that little girl even be alive?"

Alexis turned suddenly so she was seated sidesaddle on the couch, her hands reaching for Jax'.

"What do you want, Jax?"

He looked at her with confused eyes. "What do you mean?"

"From your life. What do you want? Do you want Brenda? Do you want to try and fix things with Skye? What?"

Did he even know, Jax wondered as he thought about the question Alexis was posing to him. He had thought he did...a life with Brenda, children, a home. But was that just a dream he'd conjured up in his mind when he thought she was dead, or was it the reality of the life they could build together?

"I...I honestly don't know."

Alexis moved closer to him, her hand rising to his cheek to keep his face lifted and his eyes locked with hers.

"Then find out. Find out, and then you'll just find a way to deal with whatever comes with that. I never knew what I wanted, not really, not until I found out I was pregnant with K.D. And now I know that what I always wanted was to love someone this much, so much that I'm going to find a way to deal with Sonny and Ned and anyone else who is or will be a part of her life because it's what she needs me to do. I don't know how yet, but I know I will."

He nodded, knowing she was right. He had to look at his life, decide what he wanted, and go after it with all the abandon that Jasper Jacks was famous for. It was how he lived. It was how life was lived. But that didn't mean there wasn't room for a touch of regret for the things he could have had if his life had he been meant to take a different path.

"Do you know how much I wish I had fallen in love with you, ex-wife of mine?"

Alexis noted the twinkle in his eye and the sly upturn of the right corner of his mouth. But the charm was only trying to cover up how true the sentiment was, and Alexis let her dimples bloom in response to his comment.

"Probably as much as I wish I had fallen in love with you...life for both of us might have been much, much easier."

"Yes," he said, nodding, "but then..."

Alexis knew where he was going, and chimed in over him. "...no K.D."

As if she had heard her name uttered downstairs, Kristina Davis let out a monster wail that belied her tiny size and supposedly fragile condition.

"I think someone's ready for her snack," Alexis said, standing up. She had taken three or four steps when Jax' voice stopped her and she turned back around.

"Yeah?"

Jax stood and closed the distance between them.

"You've always told me to do what would make me happy even when you didn't agree with me. I haven't been very good about doing that in kind." He paused, gathering the words. "If Sonny's what you want, Alexis, for you and for K.D., then fight for him. You'll always regret that you didn't if you want it and don't fight for it."

Alexis was in his arms in a second, her own limbs wrapped around him in a warm and all-encompassing embrace.

"I love you, Jasper Jacks."

"And I love you ex-Mrs. Jasper Jacks, always," he whispered against her ear. "And if I ever neglect you again, please do me a favor and kick me square in my Aussie hindquarters, okay?"

Alexis moved back from him, her smile beaming and she headed for the stairs.

"Remember you said that."

Minutes later, Jax was standing by the patio door where Alexis had stood earlier. He pushed back the glass and found that the rain had stopped but that thick clouds remained overhead.

"Okay, Jax, what next?" he asked himself. Then he heard Alexis over the baby monitor, her voice soft and sweet as she talked to K.D. about what they might see tomorrow on their California adventure with Uncle Jax.

"Alexis, Jax...you focus on Alexis and K.D. The rest will all be there when you get home."

And with that, Jax closed the door on the rest of the world and made his way to the stairs.

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