On the day Noah Barnes filed for divorce, he found himself sitting in the last place he'd have ever expected to be.  The courtyard at the church was already in full bloom, and he imagined that come Saturday, it would be filled with some bustling family as a young couple took photos after their perfectly traditional Catholic wedding inside the ornate building that stood to his right.

His own wedding had not taken place there, but he'd become familiar with the congregation over the years.  Whenever his parents visited, the family attended church here, and he'd been to over a dozen christenings and funerals as his friends welcomed new life and said good-bye to loved ones.  But his real association with the place had begun as a favor to a friend--another doctor at St. Ambrose--who needed help covering practices for his son's junior high boys' basketball team.

It had turned into a fun endeavor, one that put his rusty college hoop skills to use, and one that gave Noah a welcome relief from the stress of the cardiac surgical unit.  It had also given him an escape as his marriage began to show the strains that were probably inevitable when two people had gotten married too quickly, especially when one of them--he could only speak for himself--had been questioning the choice even as he said "I do" at the exact strike of midnight in Vegas one New Year's Eve.

He loved Morgan.  He did.  But he'd known for a very long time now that his doubts had been about whether or not she was "the" love... the one that he'd grown up expecting to find because his parents had always told him that's how it worked... that's how they'd found each other.  They'd just "known."  But Noah had never known, not for sure.  He'd been crazy about his wife, wildly attracted to her, and they had fun together and laughed and were incredibly good friends--best friends.  He'd decided that was love and he'd proposed, and Morgan had accepted and soon, on a whim, really, they were in Vegas with their families exchanging rings.

There had always been cracks.  He liked to be still, to enjoy the moment, and Morgan was the type who always had to be doing.  They'd had more than their fair share of fights over who was being stubborn when their choice of activities didn't seem to connect in any way that would let them both be right.  And Morgan had wanted kids right away, but Noah had wanted time... he wanted to just enjoy being married and building their life together.  And then there had been the pregnancies, the losses pulling at them, driving Morgan into decorating the perfect home as her full-time obsession while Noah lost himself in a thriving and successful surgical career.

He'd never expected it to change.  They'd talked about separating, about giving themselves time to see what they really wanted.  But the holidays were coming and their families were visiting, and so they'd put it off until the New Year.  And maybe it was the combination of their family around and the festive feeling in the atmosphere, but as their anniversary drew closer, they'd fallen into bed together.  They knew it hadn't changed anything.  Even when they could barely talk, sex hadn't been a problem.  But it didn't fix a marriage.  They were still distant.  They still wanted different things.  And so they were agreed to follow-through on their plans to take some time apart.

When Morgan had come to the hospital to tell him she was pregnant, Noah had felt like he was suffocating.  It was selfish, he knew, to feel angry at having his freedom--so near--yanked away.  And there was the fear of going through it all again.  The idea of facing another miscarriage or holding another dead baby... on more than one morning after hearing the news, Noah had woken from wrenching nightmares where those scenarios played out, and he'd run to the shower to hide his panic and his gasping breaths under the sound of the running water.

Still, he did want children, and this was his baby.  And he owed it to Morgan to stand by her and to try... try to save this one, try to get this little boy or girl into the world.  So he stayed... in the perfectly decorated house... and he accepted that nothing would change because this was the life he had chosen, and obviously somewhere along the way, he'd missed his chance at the one, at "that" love... and now this was his life.

When he had walked into the scrub room and noticed the startlingly beautiful woman beside him, Noah had felt his breath catch, and he'd just been grateful to have not made any sound to give himself away.  She smiled and joked with him, and when she mistook his statement for a pickup line, despite his instant denial, something inside of him had wished so much that he was free to tell her how lovely she was and how he'd give anything to talk to her for a few more minutes, somewhere quiet, where no one might see them.

Each time he'd seen her after that, he'd grown more intrigued.  She was funny and confident and she had this way of making him wholly present right in that moment they were together, which was something that rarely happened for him outside of an O.R.  And from the moment he'd been introduced to the deep red hair, Noah's dreams had been filled with images of his hands touching it, his fingers tracing its length.

He kept telling himself no.  He kept warning himself away.  He was married, apparently staying married, and he had a pregnant wife who was dealing with a high-risk pregnancy.  Thankfully Morgan had found an amazing new doctor, and though he hadn't met Addison Montgomery, the way Morgan spoke about her gave him a newfound confidence that maybe this time would be different.  Maybe this baby would live... and maybe that would be enough to make him feel grounded in this life again, happy to have made the choice to stay and try.

But he knew he was trying to convince himself of what he should be feeling.  Noah knew that certainly on the day his world turned upside down not once, but twice, in the space of a few minutes.

He'd been agonizing over what to do about a patient--a little girl who did not want the surgery that could prolong her life but would not save it--and he'd found that beautiful smile and those piercing eyes in the doctor's lounge.  She'd listened as he tried to talk out his mixed emotions, and it had come so naturally for him to reach for her hand.  And that's absolutely when he knew, when he realized that this feeling... this sense of connection and depth mixed with the way her scent and the touch of her skin made his heartbeat speed up... this was what he'd been looking for, what he'd been afraid he'd passed by in a moment of destructive willfulness.

And then she said her name, and he felt as if someone had crushed his heart in their bare hands.

Addison Montgomery.  Hearing the name, he'd fled, racing off and giving her only the weakest of excuses.  He didn't even know for sure what had happened after that.  He remembered getting home still in his scrubs, and he'd mumbled something to Morgan about not feeling well, and then he'd stumbled into the shower.  Half an hour later, when his worried wife had knocked on the door, Noah had been sitting in the tub, his knees pulled into his chest, his mind still trying to comprehend the cruelty of the hand he'd just been dealt.

Walking into her office, knowing what he'd see in her eyes, had nearly killed him, but there were no more excuses Morgan would take for his missing an appointment, and just as Noah had imagined, the betrayal and hurt Addison displayed had sent a burning through his gut.  She'd just been this smart, charming, beautiful, funny woman falling for a man she thought was free to be hers.  Now he had turned her into something else, and he was wholly at fault for the confusion she was thrown into from that moment forward.

He wished for her sake he were a better man, that he were a man who'd put the woman he loved... and by then, he'd known that's what it was, absolutely... and he could have put her first and walked away because it was clearly what she needed in order to be at peace.  But Noah was too human and too selfish.  He had been waiting his entire life to feel the way she made him feel, and the promise of his childhood was finally realized... he'd found the one, and he'd be damned if anything was going to keep him away.

She had fought him... every step of the way, she'd pushed him away, commanded he leave her be, and Noah had refused just as strongly, if not in word, then in his absolute determination to make her need him as much as he needed her.  All the while, she had struggled to protect Morgan, to keep the baby safe and more times than he could count, she had told him that his wife needed him, that the way they felt was wrong.  Addison had used every defense she could mount, but Noah had been monstrously persistent and finally, desperate, he had gone to her house, breaching the one barrier he hadn't crossed, and with every ounce of hope inside of him, he had kissed her.

She'd pushed him away again, but not before responding to the kiss, and when she had something in the deepest part of him uncoiled.  In the days that followed, during the nights when he'd lain awake, wondering at the way she'd made him feel there in that kiss, he'd figured out what it was he had found even as the door closed between them.

It had sustained him even when she continued to deny how she felt, even when she pushed him away again, even when she sent him home to his wife and the beautiful little boy it seemed Addison and Morgan had jointly willed into the world.

Faith.

It was right.  How he felt about Addison was right.  And he knew it had started in the worst possible mess he could have ever thought to create, but he knew it was right, and somehow he knew there in that doorway, his lips pressed to hers, her hand gliding over the spot where his heart lay... he knew they would be together.  He didn't know how or when or what he had to do to make it happen.  But he believed completely that it would happen because she was his one... and he had no choice but to believe that they would find a way.

He listened this time when Addison told him to go.  He took Morgan home and they settled Adam, their new son, into his nursery and he made sure that his wife recovered well from the long and difficult pregnancy she had endured, and he got to know the little boy he was now responsible for.  He did all the things he knew he had to do, and he did them willingly, lovingly, because this was the way it needed to be.  But he never lost that feeling of certainty that he was working toward something far outside of the perfectly decorated house that had come to feel like a prison to him over the past few years.

It was during breakfast just shy of Adam turning four months old that Morgan had said to him, calmly and honestly, "you're still not happy."

He had shaken his head and taken a deep breath.

"I love Adam, and I will always take care of him.  But, Morgan, the things that were wrong between us... we are who we are.  I don't think we can change that."

"Is there... I feel like maybe there's someone else."

"If you're asking if I'm sleeping with someone else, I'm not.  But if I'm gonna be honest here, then the truth is that I... I'm in love with another woman, yes."

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.  Noah saw that she was trying not to cry.

"I knew it.  I've known it.  I just... I wanted to hope that maybe, since you were staying, maybe it would work for us."

They fell silent for a long time, both of them realizing that the conversation was really happening and that they were beginning to close the door on their marriage.  And then Morgan cleared her throat and stood up from the table.

"I need you to file the papers, okay?  I don't think I can do that part."

He moved out that afternoon and checked into the hotel closest to the hospital.  And on the day he found himself in that church courtyard, his lawyer had filed the paperwork to end his marriage.  He'd signed off on all of Morgan's requests and they were agreed on joint custody, so it was basically a matter of waiting now... for the divorce to become final, for him to figure out a way to get to the place he wanted to be.

"I thought you were taking a break from coaching this year."

Father Cleary's familiar voice drew Noah out of his own head, and he smiled at the older man and extended his hand as the priest sat down beside him.

"I am," Noah replied.  "Just here to... clear my head."

"Well, I have a sympathetic ear if you need one."

Noah chuckled and glanced over at the other man.

"I'm not exactly sure my current situation is one you'd want to hear about, Father."

"Son, I'm a Catholic priest.  Trust me... I've heard everything and then some.  And I'm procrastinating on preparing for mass on Sunday.  So come on.  Distract me."

And so Noah did.  He told Father Cleary all about the past year, about Morgan and the strains in their marriage and the pregnancy and about Addison.

"I realize what you must think.  I know what I think.  I let them both down, badly.  I couldn't keep Morgan from getting hurt and I put Addison in an impossible situation.  All I can do now is try to make it right... as right as I can anyway."

"And this Addison?"  Father Cleary asked.  "She feels the same away about you?"

"She loves me.  I know that.  But she sent me away.  She couldn't be the reason I left Morgan and the baby.  She practically begged me to try to make my marriage work, but what was broken... that started long before I met her.  And now I made her feel... She's avoiding me... at the hospital, everywhere.  She's hurt and she's scared and she has no reason to trust me.  I don't know how to fix that."

Cleary laughed, surprising Noah, and when he looked over, the priest was shaking his head.

"Of course you do.  You don't know how to fix it today... and that's what you want.  You want her to welcome you with open arms after all of this upheaval, and you want it today, and that's not fair, and you know that."

The elder man reached over and put a comforting hand on Noah's shoulder.

"Relationships start in a hundred different ways, and not all of them are happy beginnings.  What matters is what you do when it gets hard, when you're called upon to fight for what you want.  In your marriage, you made a choice that Morgan wasn't what you wanted.  It happens.  It happens to couples every day.  Now you say Addison is the one for you."

Noah nodded.  "I know that in my soul, Father." 

"Then you do know how to fix it.  If she's the woman you were meant for, you know what to do."

It took him three days to find a way to run into her, and Noah couldn't help but register her discomfort as he rushed toward her in the parking lot.  He watched with a guilty conscience as she lowered her eyes and nervously brushed her hair back behind her ear. 

"Noah, please..."

"Give me three minutes.  Just hear what I have to say and then I promise, I will get out of your way and not see you again until you say it's okay."

Addison sighed and when her eyes rose for a moment to meet his, Noah saw that she wasn't just trying to avoid looking at him to fight her feelings; she was trying to shield him from what this was all doing to her.  She looked exhausted and the vibrancy he was so used to seeing in her was dulled.  He had done that to her, and he hated himself for it.

"I wanted you to know that Morgan and I have filed for divorce."

Now she couldn't avoid his eyes, her shock and disappointment registering clearly as she looked directly at him.  Knowing where her thoughts were probably headed, he didn't give her a chance to speak.

"I didn't leave her for you.  I left because our marriage is over.  It has been for a long time.  And we're okay.  We're better off for it, and Adam still has two parents who care about each other, who aren't gonna end up slamming doors and screaming through his childhood because they're miserable."

She nodded, and he wasn't sure what to make of her response.

"What I did to you... to both of you... I know it was wrong and it was horribly unfair.  And when you asked me to stay away from you, I should've.  And I wanted you to know how sorry I am that I wasn't strong enough to do that.  I should've been, for your sake if for nothing else."

Her eyes closed as she drew in a deep breath, and then she focused on him once again.

"Noah, I'm a grown-up.  If I'd really wanted you to stop, I could've made it stop.  But I let my own feelings get in the way of what I knew was right.  And if you and Morgan are really over, then... I hope it really is what's best for you both.  But that doesn't mean that I can just... I can't just say okay and do this, not now."

"I know," he said, his throat aching even though he understood that this was what he had to do in order to earn the chance he wanted, in order to prove he had the strength to put her first.

"I miss you, Addison.  I miss talking to you.  I miss working with you.  And I know that I have no place asking you for anything.  But I'm going to.  Because before everything went so insane, you became my friend.  And I miss that more than anything."

"I don't... I'm not sure I can do that."

"Can you just try?" he asked, the painful pounding in his chest almost causing his voice to falter.  "I'm just saying... no more ban on me being paged for your patients... you let me buy you coffee every now and then... you don't keep taking the stairs because you're avoiding me in the elevator, maybe we talk over a tough case every now and then."

He waited, and he could nearly hear the fight going on inside her head as the Addison who loved him warred with the one who wanted to protect her from being hurt again.

"I'll tell Charlotte that it's okay for you to work on my patients again.  Right now, that's... that's all I can promise."

It left him miles to go... but it was a step.

"Okay.  Then I'm gonna get out of your way and let you get to work.  I hope you have a really good day."

Though it took every ounce of will he could muster, Noah gave her one last smile and then he turned and headed back toward his own car, the relief he felt beyond measure.

It took over a week for him to receive the first page that brought him back into contact with Addison, and as he walked toward the E.R., Charlotte King stepped in front of him and eyed him in a way designed to remind him that she was his boss.

"Do not do anything to upset her.  I have to deal with those Oceanside people every damn day, and if you make her life harder, it's gonna make mine harder, and I'm gonna make yours impossible.  Got it?"

"I got it," he promised, and then the blonde stepped past him and Noah made his way into the E.R. treatment room where Addison and her patient waited.

The case required immediate surgery on a baby the redhead was going to deliver prematurely via cesarean section.  Once the mother was on her way to recovery, Addison joined him, and together they managed to repair the malformed left ventricle that was threatening Baby Girl Wilson's life.  It was a demanding procedure, so it hadn't been difficult for Noah to remain on his best behavior, and not a single word had left his mouth that wasn't related to their patient and the task at hand.

"She's a fighter," Addison commented as they scrubbed out after the surgery was finished.

"Well, she's got you on her side," he said, unable to hide his pride in her abilities.  "So I'm giving her a better than average chance."

A quick flash of a smile passed over her face, and then Addison reached for a towel to dry her hands.

"I should get up to the NICU and check on her.  Thanks for your help."

"Anytime," he replied, never meaning anything so much before in his life.

It was one surgery, one day of contact with her, but it set in motion the next segment of life as Noah knew it on the road to his hoped for future.  He spent his days working with patients or at home with his son, and his nights alone in bed, thinking about when he might have another chance to see her. 

A full week passed before the next opportunity came--this time a chance run-in at the coffee counter.  They were both waiting on post-op tests, and so seizing the moment, Noah asked if maybe he could sit with her.  Addison agreed, and when she immediately focused their conversation on Adam, he got the message -- she'd talk, but she wasn't ready to talk about them.  Like any proud father, he produced pictures of the baby and shared a few stories about his misadventures as a new dad, and when she laughed, the sound stole his breath away.

The following week, they worked on two cases together, and the week after that, he received a phone call from Pete Wilder about a consult on one of his patients.  Noah was wary, suspecting that none of Addison's friends were too thrilled with him or the way their relationship had played out to this point.  Still, he knew that eventually, he'd have to make the effort to at least try and make a connection with the people who were important in her life.

Pete's patient was a 20-year-old college student who had begun to suffer chest pain and shortness of breath during basketball practice.  Routine screening had revealed a mass in the right atrium of her heart.  Noah would remove the tumor, which was thankfully benign, but the excision stood to be extremely difficult.  He spent more than an hour discussing the procedure with Pete and Jillian--the patient--and her family, and then finally he was left alone with the other doctor.

"I was surprised to get your call," he said honestly, and Pete nodded.

"We were talking about Jillian's test results this morning, and Addison said I should bring you in.  She thinks you're one hell of a surgeon."

It was hard not to feel a little surge of pride at that, and Noah smiled.

"Look, I'm the bad guy around here," Pete began when he spoke again.  "I sleep around and I'm unfaithful and I... I totally blew a chance to be 'the guy' for Addison because I knew I was this guy instead... the one who sleeps around and cheats and is terrified of hurting someone like her.  So I don't judge.  I get it."

"But?" Noah asked.

"But... she's my friend.  And this thing tore her apart.  So if you're the guy, then prove it to her.  If you're just another version of me, then let her go now, before she gets hurt again."

It didn't surprise him to see someone so protective of her.  He felt that way all the time, even if he suspected Addison would mostly dismiss them both as being chauvinists with overblown egos, thinking anyone needed to look out for her.

His eyes shifted to his left as he continued to turn over the other man's words, and Noah saw the woman he knew was Naomi Bennett, Addison's best friend, and a younger blond-haired man watching him and Pete from the lobby.  He chuckled as they both tried to cover their obvious snooping, and then he turned his attention back to the doctor who had opened the door for him to be in this place today.

"I'm the guy, Pete.  I wish I could've come to her in a better way, I wish it hadn't started like this, but I am the guy."

Pete nodded and headed toward the door.

"Okay, then.  I'd start working on winning Naomi and Violet over.  They're gonna be your biggest obstacles around here.  Cake is a good place to start.  Expensive.  Chocolate.  Lots of cake."

So Noah sent expensive chocolate cake to the Oceanside Wellness Group office that Friday.  The Monday after that, he removed the tumor from Jillian's heart and when Pete and his partner Sam Bennett came by to check on her, they all ended up having coffee together.  A week later, he was invited to play basketball with the group "if he felt like it" on a Sunday afternoon.  He found Cooper hysterically funny, and though it was hard to ignore the constant scrutiny of both Naomi and Violet, both of whom he'd officially met for the first time, when he made a showy, behind-the-back pass to Sam that resulted in a 3-point shot, the sound of Addison cheering for him, just for a moment before her nerves got the better of her, was enough to carry Noah through the entire long week that followed when she left town for an emergency visit to Seattle and her former hospital.

Slowly, their lives started to cross over and over again, day in and day out... at the hospital, out with friends.  She stopped looking uncomfortable if he walked toward her in the cafeteria or outside in the courtyard and asked if he could join her, and a few times, she had even come and sought him out.  They shared coffee, the occasional "work" lunch.  Addison let him back in, one step at a time, and because Father Cleary had been right... Noah had known what he needed to do... he waited for her to signal the timing of each new step, building her trust in him because this time, it all needed to happen on her terms.  That didn't mean there weren't days when his fear got the best of him, when he wondered if she would ever open the door again completely.  But each time he faltered, he would steady himself and remember how worth all of this Addison truly was.

The day his patience and faith were rewarded, Noah had just made his way into the locker room to change after working a 24-hour shift topped off by joining Morgan on the Peds floor for Adam's checkup.  His son was doing wonderfully, and Morgan was thriving in her role as mother.  She seemed to mean it when she told him she was doing really well, and Noah told her he hoped it was true because she deserved to be happy.  They had made arrangements for him to take Adam over the weekend, and then said their good-byes, and finally Noah was headed for a hot shower and his bed.

Charlotte King pushed open the door of the locker room and scanned it as he eased his tired body down onto the bench.  When she spotted him, she motioned toward him with her left index finger.

"You, come with me.  Now."

"I'm off duty," he protested, but the blonde kept walking, and so Noah reluctantly stood and followed her out the door.

"Sanders and Ronick are both already in.  Get one of them."

"This isn't about a heart that needs surgery, Barnes.  It's about a heart that needs something else."

She led him to the elevator, and with seemingly no choice, Noah followed her inside hoping for more of an explanation.  She was quiet, though, and simply pressed the button to take them to the fourth floor.  When they got to their destination, Charlotte headed out into the hallway, and Noah followed once again, though his patience was quickly running out.

"Charlotte, what is going on?"

"That," she said, as she stopped and pointed to her right.  Noah had been so distracted by her silence and his own exhaustion, he hadn't realized they were headed toward the NICU.  When he turned in the direction Charlotte was motioning toward, he started to understand.

"Father's a wife beater.  Mother was in hiding.  He followed her back to the shelter from her doctor's appointment, and by the time the cops got there..."  Charlotte stopped, the story so horrific already, he didn't really need her to fill in the gaps.

"The baby's in bad shape?"

"She's dying.  The grandparents are on their way, but they won't make it in time.  Montgomery doesn't want her to die all alone."

Noah's heart broke as he looked through the window at the woman he loved.  She was sitting in a rocking chair holding a pink-wrapped bundle that could have fit in one of her hands, but instead the baby was cradled against her chest.  Her scrub cap was gone, and her hair tumbled over her shoulder as she leaned her head close to the tragic infant and carried on a one-way conversation with the little girl.

"I know you've been here all night," Charlotte said, breaking the slight silence that had fallen between them.  "But it didn't seem right for me to let her do this all alone either."

When he opened the door of the NICU, Addison didn't look up, but when he reached the chair and started to fold down onto the floor beside her, she glanced toward him.

"I'm okay," she whispered, but he could see how completely okay she wasn't.  What had happened to the mother was awful enough, but being left powerless to save the baby... he knew from their talks what a toll that took on her, even after all the years she'd been in practice.  He lifted his hand up and let it come to rest on her thigh, and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm just here.  Okay?  I'm just... sitting here."

She returned her gaze to the baby, and then she started speaking again, softly, her words varying as the time passed.  Addison told the baby the story of the three bears.  She described the colors in rainbows.  And finally, she leaned closer and he heard her voice break.

"Good-bye, baby girl."

One of the nurses had been standing sentry nearby, though she'd never once impeded on Addison's mission of comfort.  Now, though, she moved in and eased the baby from her doctor's arms.

"I'll wait for her grandparents, Dr. Montgomery.  I'll make sure they know she went peacefully."

Addison nodded and stood, and Noah rose up a beat later, waiting to follow her lead.  She inhaled and exhaled deeply before starting toward the door, and he moved after her, trailing as she started down the hall.  Still, he could see what was happening, and when she pushed open the stairwell door, he rushed through it, racing so that when her legs gave out two steps onto the landing, he was there to catch her.  She was in his arms a moment later, cradled against his chest as the baby had been against hers, and as he settled down onto the top step, he leaned his cheek against the top of her head.

"It's okay, Addison.  I'm here.  It's okay."

Her sobs broke his heart, but he knew he was doing all that he could.  He held her, he rubbed her back, and every now and then, he'd whisper to her that he was there, that she wasn't alone.

When the tears finally stopped, Addison unfolded from her seat on his lap and stood.  He wanted more than anything to pull her back, to keep holding her, but he let her go and prepared himself to find the strength to keep sitting there as she walked away because he was proving to her that he was the guy, and even if he wanted it today, he had to wait until she was ready.  He could do that.  He could hold on.  Because somewhere inside of him, Noah still knew that this was the story he belonged in.

Her fingers fell on his shoulder, and he looked up at her.  Her eyes were red and looked painful from all the crying, and she sniffled as she pushed her hair off of her face.

"Come with me?"

The now familiar painful pounding in his chest that Noah had experienced over and over in this journey began again as he realized the implication of her words, part of him almost too afraid to hope that his moment was really happening.  He reached up and lifted her hand off his shoulder, and he laced their fingers together as he stood and brought his face even with hers.  When he leaned into her, she let him come closer, and he realized that the shaky, relieved breath he heard a moment later had originated in his own body.

"Anywhere," he whispered, finally forcing his voice to work.  And then the distance between them disappeared, finally, forever.