All righty, y'all -- here's one fic finished off. Who I Am Without You is totally in progress... but man, that's a lot of stuff to wrap up, lol -- so that one's taking a little longer. So in the meantime, here's a look at what life is like for Alex, Addison and Emma.

Thanks to everyone who read and replied to this fic. I really miss all the potential these two had on the show. *sighs*.




The idea of rising from his seat on the locker room bench to change out of his scrubs and back into the jeans and sweater he'd worn into work made Alex Karev grimace, but he knew that the expense of energy would be well worth it if only he could make himself stand up. The week was over, and because Sanchez owed him a weekend shift, since Alex had covered for him a few weeks back, it was over with a 3-day break in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, the exhausted resident pushed himself up, his right hand moving to drag his scrub top up and off before he could talk himself into sitting back down. His week had begun with an emergency 7-hour surgery to stabilize conjoined twins who were developing digestive problems while waiting for separation surgery. It had ended with a 6-hour procedure on a newborn with a malformed left atrium. In between he'd helped deliver two preemies, stabilized two mothers who were both carrying babies that would require immediate surgeries following their births and kept up his fair share of monitoring the current patients in the NICU. On top of that, much to the envy of many a resident, he had been pulled into two of Chief Collier's surgeries at the chief's specific request.

The schedule he kept was demanding, and it had been since his first day at Children's. The move had happened fast, what seemed like barely a few days passing between Emma's birth and her release from the hospital two weeks later, which was quickly followed by the most torturous experience of Alex's life--leaving Addison and Emma to return to Seattle and wrap up his life there. It had only been a week, and even though Naomi and Maya had stayed with them during his absence, the feeling that he'd somehow abandoned his family had nearly killed him. Miranda Bailey's parting words of advice to him were to remember how bad he felt just in case there ever came a day he had reason to question if he had done the right thing by leaving Seattle behind.

He'd barely been back in LA long enough to unpack before he started his first shift as the second year resident no one knew and everyone was curious about. And though he'd quickly learned to deal with the gossip about why he'd changed programs, the reality of how much his job kept him away from his family was much harder to get used to. It sometimes broke his heart when he came into the lounge to change scrubs and caught sight of the photo he kept in his locker. It was a snapshot of his girls laying asleep in the chaise lounge on the beach house deck, Emma's hand laying open, palm pressed to Addison's chest just over her heart. It was his favorite picture, and even though it had the power to make him smile after a difficult loss in surgery, it also reminded him what he was missing out on as a regular shift turned into 48 hours away from home.

There were days Alex wasn't sure he could handle it. He'd never imagined he would want to be home so much, that he'd crave the time to just lay on a blanket and play with blocks and stuffed animals. But he did. He loved being a father. And as sure as he was that he was meant to be a surgeon, that he was meant to be one dedicated to saving infants and their mothers, he already feared he was sacrificing his far more important role in his own family to save other people's loved ones.

But on those very low days, he saw over and over again that Addison was the only woman he could walk through his life with. Because when he didn't know how to find his way past his own doubts, she stood by his side until he sorted it all out.

[i]"Hey, you," she said, sitting down next to him in front of the fire. It never ceased to amaze him, the difference in temperatures in Downtown LA versus the beach where they lived. Even after it had been ninety degrees during the day, it was chilly tonight in the house.

"She down?" he asked, and Addison nodded and leaned into him. He responded as he always did when she demanded the spot nestled against his chest. He opened his arms and let her settle in, then he encircled her, resting his hands on her stomach.

"She was just tired, Alex. She didn't get her whole nap today."

He didn't say anything because he wasn't sure what to say. His very long, very bad day, which had ended when he and John Devon, the main attending he worked with, had lost a mother and baby during an open fetal surgery to remove a spinal tumor. The preparation, testing, monitoring and surgery had kept him at the hospital for over 40 hours. He had gotten home just as Addison was finishing up a bath with Emma, and when he'd offered to take their 5-month-old daughter, Emma had screeched and turned back into her mother.

He could see from how droopy her eyes were that his little girl was simply tired and feeling clingy, and he knew in his head that it wasn't a rejection of him so much as bad timing--he'd come home as she was already starting to wind down, and that meant mommy and nursing and bedtime. He knew that. But his heart had felt the sting anyway, and when Addison tried to coax Emma into going to him, Alex had waved her off and headed out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him without another word.

"I didn't mean to be a jerk," he said, his voice laden with guilt at how little patience he'd shown his daughter. "I just... I know sometimes she's just in a mood, but it makes me feel like she forgets me when I'm at work."
\
Addison sighed and gently began to move her hands up and down his forearms. "We talked about this, remember? You just started the third year of your residency, babe, and this is all going to be a million times harder than it would've been for you a few years from now. But you are doing the best you can, Alex. I know that. And that's all either one of us is ever going to ask of you."

"I didn't move here so that I could miss her growing up."

He sounded 5 years old, and he knew it, but Addison just let her arms come to rest on top of his where they lay around her.

"No, you moved here so you could be a part of her life, and that's what you are. You're her father, and Emma doesn't forget that anymore than she forgets me when I have a long day in surgery."

Now she sat forward and turned toward him, her eyes finding his, willing him to listen to her.

"And I don't care what happens when she's tired and she knows mommy means nursing and sleepytime. You know as well as I do that when she gets scared or if she's not feeling well, nothing in the world makes her calm down the way the sound of your voice does. You were there, Alex, when she needed you that very first time, and she trusts that you'll always be there. And you are... when it really counts, you always find a way."

"Sometimes that doesn't feel like enough," he said, and his stomach turned over because he really felt as awful as he knew he sounded.

"I know. But it's so much more than you give yourself credit for. Just think about that... about what it means for her to count on you to make bad things better. What would you have given to have that when you were a kid?"

He felt his eyes moisten as Addison lightly treaded on what they both knew was still painful territory for him. Alex remembered the endless nights when he had wished for someone to come and help him fight his father, help him get his mother to walk away, help him comfort his sister when she cried herself to sleep at night. But Alex had been all alone, on his own in his earliest memories to try to be the grown-up in a household that was raging out of control.

Finally he nodded and Addison reached out and put her hand on his cheek, gently rubbing her thumb against his skin.

"When she wakes up in the morning and she sees you, Emma's not even gonna remember tonight. She's only going to know her daddy's there to kiss her good morning, and it's going to make her happier than just about anything in the world can. Except for Bubba Brown Bear, of course. I don't think anything makes her happier than Bubba, not even food."

He laughed then, perhaps for the first time all day, and Alex leaned in and kissed the beautiful redhead in front of him.

"I love you."

He hated that his throat still tightened every time he went to say those words, but Addison never seemed to mind that they still didn't come easily or often. He always saw that shimmer in her eyes whenever he did manage them, and it was no different now as she smiled and moved closer, wrapping her arms around his neck before her whispered reply sent a familiar flutter through his gut.

"I love you, too."[/i]

The next morning, Alex rose from the tangle of limbs he and Addison had ended up in once making love had finally drained him of the last of his energy. He had just gotten out of the shower when he heard the soft sounds of Emma starting to fuss over the baby monitor. He planted a quick kiss on Addison's head, urging her to rest, and after pulling on his robe, he made his way into the nursery. And just as Addison had predicted, the moment he peered over the crib, his baby girl's ice blue eyes lit up, and she kicked her feet eagerly as he reached down to pick her up. And as he made her giggle while he warmed up a bottle and bounced her in his arms, Alex promised them both he'd try to focus more on the things he was getting right than the things he wished he could do better.

Smiling at the memory now, Alex felt his desire to get home grow stronger, and he finished dressing and packed up his bag quickly, ready to leave the hospital and his interns and the surgical board behind him for a few days so he could focus on his family.

As time had gone on, he'd begun to accept that having two surgeons and one infant in the family meant for constant adjustments. It was hard, sometimes damn hard, but they navigated the obstacles and found solutions. The bottom line was that they worked. Not that they didn't have their fair share of moments when she wanted to beat him senseless and he wanted to just scream at her to shut up. More than once, he'd earned her icy glare for apparently being physically unable to load the dishwasher, and he wasn't above a bout of righteous indignation when she told him things in the voice she used with interns, like when she'd explained how to defrost frozen breast milk to him as if it were a critical surgical procedure.

But he liked that about them. They were both insanely strong-willed people, and Alex was glad they could still be that way and fight and disagree without fear that now they had pushed too hard and the other one would leave. They had both lived that way for far too long, Addison in one relationship, Alex in seemingly all of them. Now they had the freedom to be wrong and to make mistakes and to learn how to make things better as they went along because, as far as he was concerned, they'd really already learned the hard way that they needed each other. Now it was just a matter of making sure they didn't forget.

Things had gotten trickier since Addison's return to work. For now, Emma went to Oceanside with her mother, her playpen a safe haven at least until she learned how to walk. The baby had also tried out childcare at St. Ambrose, and, when Callie had popped in for a quick surprise visit and stolen Addison away for the day, Alex had proudly checked his baby girl in at the Children's staff daycare center, where she had successfully charmed everyone who worked there by day's end. But even with a few options, it was an imperfect system. Once, Addison's late afternoon surgery had developed complications, and Emma had ended up going home with Sam until Alex could take over. And on one dire occasion, with both of them stuck on difficult cases, Naomi and Maya had ended up with an overnight guest.

But despite the difficulties, they'd kept finding reasons to table the nanny discussion, and finally Alex had asked Addison why she thought neither of them was ready to pull the trigger and set up some interviews. When she admitted that she hated the idea of having a fourth person intrude on their little family unit, he let out a deep breath and confessed he'd been feeling the same way. It meant more juggling, more backup plans, more days in daycare, and eventually they were probably going to have to give in and hire someone full-time. But for now, they were just jumping through whatever hoops the days revealed to them, content that between them and their extended family of friends, Emma was always in good hands.

He sometimes wondered what "Old Alex" would say if he went back in time and told the guy who had just been yelled at by the She-Shepherd post-train crash in Seattle that two years later, she'd be the mother of his child and he'd adore them both and he'd live on a beach in L.A. and he wouldn't care anymore that he could barely afford to pay their utility bill because his ability to make lasagna they could heat up for a whole week of dinners made Addison call him the greatest guy who ever lived. He imagined Old Alex would smirk at him and tell him he was certifiable. Then he'd ask, just in case, if the sex was good.

Stifling a soft laugh at his imaginary conversation with himself so that the people walking past him in the parking lot wouldn't question his sanity, Alex made his way to the car--he had the convertible today--and he happily began his drive home. He and Addison hadn't made any firm plans for their weekend together, preferring instead to see what they were in the mood for as the moment happened. They had, however, both arranged for backups for their backups so that neither pager needed to be turned on until it was time to go back to work on Monday morning.

After a fairly easy drive--most of LA commuted opposite him--Alex made his way first toward Emma's nursery. When he saw the door was open and the room was quiet, he knew that meant he could find both of his girls in the master bedroom. Sure enough, Addison was laying in their bed with Emma on her chest, both mother and daughter in a deep slumber. Smiling, he discarded his sweater, traded his jeans in for a pair of sweatpants and climbed into bed to join them. He gave them both feather-light kisses on their cheeks and then he curled on his side with his head nestled against Addison's shoulder.

The next thing Alex was aware of was the sound and sensation of a tiny palm slapping against his face. He lifted his right eyelid and spied Emma staring at him from where she still lay comfortably spread over her mother's body. When she lifted her hand, preparing to bat at him again, Alex lifted his head and caught her fingers in his mouth, pressing his lips over the small digits. Emma giggled, probably feeling a tickle from his warm breath, and she lifted her head up and smiled at him. Her movement prompted Addison to open her eyes.

"Hey, you. When did you get home?"

Alex glanced at the clock and then back at the sleepy redhead laying beside him.

"About two hours ago. I guess Emma decided I slept long enough."

Addison laughed and sat up, easing Emma with her so the baby was in a seated position in her lap.

"Well, Emma, I'm overruling you because Daddy needs to rest so we can have lots of fun later. So how about you give him a kiss, and we'll let him go back to sleep?"

Alex sat up and took his daughter, who took the opportunity at the close quarters to engage in her new favorite pastime, touching his face with her hands. She grabbed at his nose and pinched his cheek and Alex laughed before he lifted her up and dropped a half dozen kisses on her cloth-covered belly. Then he settled her in his arms and leaned over, placing a much gentler and very different kiss on Addison's lips.

"Do I look as tired as I feel?" he asked, and she bit her lower lip.

"You do... and yet... still sexy as hell. So rest up. You're gonna need that energy later."

Addison kissed him again quickly, and then she playfully pulled Emma away from him.

"Come on, Missy. Let's go get some coffee for Mommy."

Alex listened as Emma babbled something back at her mother before Addison closed the door behind them, and then he laid back down into the bed and felt a wave of exhaustion overtake him.

When he woke again, the clock told him it was early afternoon. Alex stretched and then climbed out of bed and wandered out to see what the girls were up to. He found, though, that he was all alone, a note on the TV telling him that they had gone out to do errands and would be back soon. He shrugged off the disappointment he felt at waking up in an empty house, grabbed a sandwich and some coffee in the kitchen, and then he climbed into a hot shower that eased away the lingering soreness in his back from all the hours he'd been spending in the O.R.

He was just rinsing the shampoo from his hair when he heard the bathroom door open and the familiar buzz of the baby monitor hit his ears a beat later. A wide grin spread over his face and greeted Addison as she pulled open the shower door and joined him, her hair loosely tied up atop her head.

"You get some sleep?"

"Yeah, enough to get me through till tonight anyway. You get your stuff done?"

Addison motioned for him to switch places with her so she could step under the hot water. He moved to the side and she slipped past him, letting the water flow over her back.

"I did. Stuff for our weekend."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Did we decide on something to do?"

"Well, I called the B&B in Santa Barbara we keep talking about going to, and they have a room open. Or we could pop up to San Francisco."

Alex could tell that neither possibility was what Addison had settled on simply by the tone of her voice. Not that they weren't trips he'd be going on eventually--she'd been talking about that B&B ever since Sam had mentioned it, and San Francisco was home to Addison's favorite hotel, which she'd made Alex's favorite by telling him exactly what she wanted to do in said hotel. But she was too playful now, too dismissive of either idea for him to think they were traveling to either destination this weekend. And truth be told, though he'd probably never have denied her if she wanted to head off for a real getaway, all he wanted was to spend every moment he could with the two most important people in his life.

"Any other options?" he asked, playing along.

"Well, I got to thinking that what I really want to do is play in the sand with Emma and cuddle on the couch with you. And maybe find as many chances as possible to get you to make that gasping sound I love."

Fighting a smirk, he stepped closer, his right arm snaking around her waist.

"I told you I don't make that sound. You're imagining that."

"Well, I guess we could use this weekend to find out once and for all. We'll call it a research project. And while we were out, Emma and I went to Old Navy and picked up some new sweat suits so she'll be all warm and cozy on the beach. And then we went to the video store and rented a stack of DVDs. And then I went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on all kinds of yummy food. I might even have picked up a case of that ale you like."

He didn't need to be sold on what she was proposing since she was offering him his definition of a perfect weekend, but Alex couldn't help but play along.

"So you want to, what, hideout here at home, play with our kid and have your way with me?"

She blushed and he felt himself fall in love with her all over again. And when she shyly looked away, Alex lifted her chin with his left hand so they could see one another's eyes.

"Is one of those movies 'The Bourne Ultimatum'?"

Addison smiled and shrugged.

"I think there's a really good chance one of them is, yeah."

Alex pulled her flush against him and nuzzled the top of her head with his cheek.

"See, someday when I ask you to marry me, and you do your girl freak-out thing, I'm gonna remind you of this so you'll know why I'm asking."

It was nothing he'd planned on saying, but the truth was, that eventuality was inevitable to him. Addison was the one, and he, as it turned out, was totally the guy, even if they had substituted a sandy beach for a white picket fence.

He waited for her response and felt a surge of relief when she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"And see, the fact that you know I'm going to freak out and you're going to ask anyway... that's why I'll say yes."

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