[b]1. The Girls[/b]

She didn't feel guilty at all until she sat down on a locker room bench beside Callie, whose shoulders were slumped, her eyes cast downward.

"I hate you. I do. You're mean and selfish and you're not nearly as pretty as everyone says you are."

Addison smiled and bumped her shoulder lightly into her friend's.

"You can come visit me. The beach house has four bedrooms. I'll call one the Callie Room, paint it your favorite color, let you pick out the sheets..."

The brunette glanced at her, and Addison slipped her arm around the resident's shoulders when she saw tears on her cheeks.

"Cal, I tried. I really did."

"I know you did. And I swear, if I didn't know it would make those jerk-faced inter--excuse me--second years hate me more, I'd kick Karev, McDreamy and Sloan's asses for the way they treated you. Well, okay, I could probably kick Sloan's and they wouldn't care, but..."

Addison sighed and dropped her head on Callie's shoulder.

"Men suck. That's my definitive bit of knowledge on the topic. They suck and they need to be avoided. And that will be my plan with California men. I'm gonna write 'stay away' on a Post-it note and tack it to my forehead."

For emphasis, Addison sat upright and pushed her palm against said forehead to illustrate. Her action drew a small chuckle from Callie, who then turned and hugged her tightly.

"And if you forget, I'll come and take up residence in my room and remind you."

After a small crying jag, the now former chief of Seattle Grace's Neonatal unit walked out of the locker room with her belongings packed up in her Louis Vuitton duffle. When she reached the lobby, she found Miranda Bailey standing near the doorway, her back against one of the tall columns.

"You have a lot of damn nerve, you know? Just when I get used to having another grown-ass person around here to talk to, you decide to move away."

Addison walked to the column, set her bag down and then leaned against the beam, too.

"I delivered Tuck, so you have to forgive me."

Miranda glanced at her sideways.

"I will. Eventually. Someday a long time from now."

"I already promised Callie one guest room. You can have one, too. Come on, an always-ready getaway from Seattle Grace drama and husbands and interns..."

Bailey scoffed, but Addison saw her fighting off a smile.

"Spa days. There need to be spa days and sleeping in and--and chocolate desserts. Then... maybe I'll forgive you."

Addison chuckled and agreed, and then she peeled herself off the column and faced her friend.

"You made this place bearable for me. I'm not sure how to thank you for that."

"Oh, come here," Miranda said, stepping forward, her arms open. Addison moved into the embrace. The two of them hugged for a long time, neither really ready to let go, both knowing though that it was time, and finally they released their hold on one another.

"Now get outta here, and let yourself have the life you deserve, Addison. Nothing less, you hear me?"

Fighting back tears, Addison picked up her duffle and started for the door. She couldn't say anything else because she knew she'd fall apart. But she stopped and gave her first friend in Seattle one more smile of thanks before finally stepping outside into the cool night.

This city was no longer her home and Seattle Grace wasn't where she belonged... but Callie and Miranda were a part of her now. That made her life here worthwhile, no matter what else had happened.

[b]2. Burke[/b]

The ding that told her she had a new e-mail provided Addison with a welcome distraction from the letter of resignation she was trying to compose. But she did a double-take when she saw that it was from "pburke."

"Addison -- have you forgiven me yet for leaving without saying good-bye? I hope so. I truly wish I'd been strong enough to say a proper farewell, but all I can do now is apologize and hope that you'll be glad to hear from me.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want right now. I have offers from several hospitals, but my heart hasn't set on anything yet. I'll keep you posted, though, and once I get settled, you'll have to visit wherever it is so I can buy you dinner and we can try that pinot we kept talking about getting and never did.

Take care, my friend. I miss you. Preston."

Sighing, Addison clicked the reply button and began to type.

"Preston -- if you weren't such a gentleman, I'd give you such hell right now...

I hate that you're gone, but believe me, I understand. I don't know how I've managed to walk through these doors every day for the past few months, but it seems even I have finally lost the heart... gall... I'm not really sure which it is... to deal with the baggage Seattle Grace brings with it.

I'm leaving for Los Angeles, joining a practice in Santa Monica, and I just authorized a wire transfer to pay for my new house on the beach. Of course, I still haven't managed to finish my letter of resignation to Richard, but he's going to yell no matter what I write, so I guess I should just type out 'I quit' and move on, right? Got any tips for me since you've done this already?

I am beyond pleased to hear from you, and it means the world that you cared enough to touch base. I'll do the same and send you all my new info once I know what the new e-mail will be.

All the best, and I miss you, too. Addison.

P.S.--You're on for that Pinot -- so pick a place to live and let me know!"


[b]3. Derek[/b]

The virtual tour had her sold. She knew it was probably insane to buy a house without even actually stepping foot in it, but Addison didn't want to spend even one day in a hotel in Los Angeles. She had been without a real home for too long, and her first night in her new life needed to be in her own home.

She heard the break room door open, but didn't look up to see who had come in. She was too busy thinking about having a real closet to hang up her clothes in... a closet with shoe racks and space and...

"You going on vacation?"

Addison's eyes shot up from her laptop screen as Derek's voice registered in her head.

"Sorry, what?"

"Are you going on vacation? Looking at beach rentals?"

She hadn't been sure if she was going to tell Derek about her decision to move. Not that she doubted he'd find out before she actually left--once the rumor mill at SGH got going, there was no way he wouldn't hear about it. But to actually go to him and tell him? Addison hadn't been sure at all she wanted to do that. Because the thought had occurred to her that he wouldn't care or, worse, that he'd be happy. And she wasn't sure she could handle that.

But now...

"It's not a rental," she said, fighting the urge to let her eyes drop. "I'm buying it."

Derek took a sip of the coffee he'd just poured and looked at her.

"You're buying another vacation home? I gave you the Hamptons, remember?"

"It's... the house has nothing to do with vacation, Derek. I'm... I'm moving... to Los Angeles."

His brows knit together and his mouth opened, closed and then opened again.

"Moving? Since when?"

"Since Naomi asked me join her practice."

"But you're a surgeon."

She couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. "And I'll still be a surgeon. I'll just see patients in a private office instead of in a hospital until I do their surgery."

"But you..." Derek stopped and crossed over to the table. "You're leaving Seattle?"

"I am," she answered.

He stared at her for a long moment... so long it made her uncomfortable, and Addison took off her glasses and closed up her computer, ready to run for the hills. But before she could stand up, Derek sat down in the chair beside her.

"You thought I'd be glad."

It was a statement of fact, not an accusation or a question.

"I thought you might be."

Derek sighed and offered her a small smile.

"I guess I deserve that."

She nodded. "Yeah, you kind of do."

"Yeah. And I am glad if you're going somewhere you want to be and if you think it's the right thing for you. But... I'm not glad for me."

That made her smile, and Addison cautiously reached out and touched his hand where it sat on the table.

"That might be the nicest thing you've said to me in a really, really long time."

He laughed, which made her laugh, too.

"Who's gonna keep my ego from taking over the hospital if you leave?"

"Bailey."

And they laughed again.

"It's kind of hard for me to imagine you... I mean, I came here to get away from you, but it took work, you know, a lot of work to not think about you... and then you showed up and then you wouldn't leave and now..."

"It's time," was all she said, and Derek nodded and shifted his hand so hers sat in his grasp.

"You're gonna be okay."

It was a statement of fact, not a question... and Addison squeezed Derek's hand... and then she let him go.

[b]4. Mark[/b]

"Shouldn't the vain, image-obsessed plastic surgeon be the one moving to L.A.?"

Addison continued folding clothes, putting them into her suitcase, Mark's commentary causing her to laugh.

"I think the guys from 'Nip/Tuck' are gonna have that covered, Mark. New season, new city, remember?"

"What the hell are you gonna do in L.A.? You're a city girl."

"Los Angeles is a city."

"Los Angeles is a gigantic beach with some big buildings. New York is a city."

She threw a t-shirt that she'd stolen from him months earlier in Mark's direction, hitting him square in the face. Addison was about to also comment on the insanity of "Mr. New York who moved to Seattle" snarking on her city of choice, but then she realized the sore spot that might touch on, so she left it alone.

"You'll be better off without me here. No dirty looks in the morning when I realize what nurse you slept with... no inspiration for new fights with Derek... no booty call temptations."

"I do not see at all how *I* am better off without the booty call temptations, but whatever you need to tell yourself..."

He was trying hard to kid and keep it light, but Addison could hear the effort in his voice, and so she finally stopped packing and sat down beside him on the bed.

"You'll never be happy if I stay here because you're going to keep hoping things will change. And I'll never be happy because I'll always wish that they would change."

"Is this what we get?" he asked, his eyes locking with hers. "This is our punishment for what we did. We can't even live in the same city?"

Addison shrugged. "Maybe so. But think of it this way--I can't tattle to Richard about you abusing the interns if I'm gone."

Mark sighed and shifted, laying down so that his long legs hug off the bed and his head lay in her lap.

"I don't mind so much when you get mad at me for that. You're hot when you're bossy."

She laughed as he gave her his most devilish grin, and Addison lifted his head, dropping it down on the bed as she stood and went back to her packing.

"And that right there--that charming bad boy thing--that's illegal in California. So don't come visit."

"Oh, I'm coming to visit," he declared as he sprang up off the bed and came toward her. "Because you're only gonna make it so long. And you know I'm weak. I'll be there with... well, nothing on... on a moment's notice. All you have to do is call."

He had his lips on hers before she could argue, and the second he broke the kiss, he was gone. Addison took a moment to catch her breath as the door closed behind him, and then just to protect herself from a moment of future drunken weakness, she picked up her cell phone and deleted Mark from her speed dial.

If she did ask him to come to L.A., she was going to have to be sober enough to look up the number.

[b]5. Alex[/b]

She couldn't bring herself to call the main number of Meredith Grey's house. It was just too weird and too movie of the week in some way, so Addison dialed Alex's cell number. When the voice mail picked up, she felt relieved and decided this was for the best. She'd say what she had to say and not have to deal with any awkwardness given their romp in the on-call room a week earlier. Besides, she'd put this off for as long as she could.

"Karev, it's Doctor--it's Addison. Look, um, you're on vacation now, obviously, and when you get back, I'm going to be gone. I'm taking a new job in California, so... look, I just wanted to say that I know there are other specialties that are more glamorous than mine, but... you'll only be good at those. You'll be great in Neonatal. And you should stick with it even though I'm not here to ride your ass."

The potential double entendre of what she'd just said sent her into ramble mode.

"I mean--that wasn't any--you know what I mean, right? I mean, yes, of course you do. Of course you do. So anyway... don't cheat yourself, okay? I might think you suck as a guy, but... you're gonna be a great surgeon, Alex. Bye."

Five hours later, Addison was carefully placing her individually boxed pairs of shoes into bigger boxes for the move when she was interrupted by her cell's familiar ring. She set aside her prized Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes and climbed over the bed to where her phone set on the nightstand. She paused, letting it ring again, when she saw that the caller was none other than Alex Karev.

"Hey," she said, her voice so hesitant she chided herself silently as she shifted into a more comfortable position on the bed.

"Hey, I, uh, got your message. I was in a dead zone when you called. I'm... I'm driving."

"Driving where?"

There was no reply, and the silence filled itself in with the name Rebecca and Addison sighed.

"Oh. Okay, well, I just didn't want to leave without saying good-bye. It seemed... well, I just didn't want to leave it like that."

"The chief really let you quit? 'Cause I figured he'd pretty much give you the hospital to keep that from happening."

Addison chucked softly. "He probably contemplated having me committed to the hospital and the psych ward, but, yes, he's letting me quit."

There was another lengthy pause, and Addison was about to try to say something funny and endearing to let him off the hook when Alex cleared his throat.

"You, uh, you should totally hate me 'cause I do kind of suck. At least, I do for, you know... but it means a lot that you don't. I just wanted you to know that."

It was perhaps the good-bye that hurt the most of them all because Addison felt pretty surely that if she stayed, if she let Alex grow up just a little, that the something that had pulled them together had a chance. But he wasn't there yet, and she honestly just couldn't wait, not when time and biology had already stolen one dream from her.

"Take care of yourself, Alex. And remember, great surgeons don't get coffee."

"I'll tell Sloan you said so. Bye, Addison."

"Good-bye, Alex."

She hung and turned to her mountain of shoes and got back to packing. It was time to stop thinking about going and go.

Commentary?

contact the author