|
Okay, so this is for "As the World Turns" because I had to write something to say good-bye to Hal and to Benjamin
and to my beloved Barbara and Hal... so this is it.
The first phone call had completely surprised her.
Hal had taken a special assignment with the FBI the day after Jennifer's memorial. He had gone without seeing anyone,
leaving a note for Barbara under her door that read, "I just need some time to get used to the world without her in it."
Over the next few days, she learned that while he did call periodically to check in on Will and Parker, no one else had
heard from him. Margo was worried sick--worried enough she'd even asked Barbara if she knew where Hal was and just wasn't
telling. Tom and Jessica had heard nothing. Paul had put out feelers, but then Nikki had called from D.C. and asked them all
to just wait it out. He was working "in the field" and he'd be in touch.
It reminded Barbara of the end of their first marriage, when Hal had left town to work undercover in order to get away
from all the hurt that had torn them apart. They had, for a brief time, thought they'd lost him then, and it had nearly killed
her. But Hal was all right and he'd come home, and they had gotten a second chance. And then, again, their beautiful marriage
had somehow fallen apart. She could never understand why she found herself unable or unwilling to trust a man who had literally
laid his life on the line for her. But Barbara fell into old habits, and she and Hal lost each other again.
"How are you?" he asked, like they spoke like this on the phone all the time. Barbara caught her breath and
then said, "I'm making it through the day. How are you?"
The call was short. Fifteen minutes tops. But he'd asked after the kids, told her he'd been to see Adam and Nikki. He
missed Will and Parker, he was worried about Dusty and Johnny, but he didn't feel ready to come home yet. Barbara asked about
his other children and gave him an update on the boys--Carly had called, too, to see if she'd heard from Hal lately, and had
shared that Parker had written his father a letter and wanted to send it.
Hal gave her an address where everyone could write him, told her to take care, and that was that. Barbara passed on the
information to all their kids and went back to trying to get used to life after Jennifer.
The next week, he phoned again.
"I was thinking about the day we brought Jennifer home. The world seemed so full of hope that day, didn't it?"
Barbara smiled even as tears stung at her eyes from the memory. "It was, and for awhile there, we knew how lucky
we were."
They talked about other old memories and shared stories. And when Hal was about to go, Barbara stopped him.
"You know, don't you, that if I could change anything in my life--and there's a long list of things I should want
to change--that what I'd fix first is that I'd always know how lucky I was to have you, Hal? If I could've remembered that
more, our lives would have been so different."
He sighed and she thought maybe he was going to just hang up without saying anything, but then finally she heard his voice.
"And I'd go back and find more patience and more forgiveness so that when you forgot, I could have held on a little
longer."
And then he did hang up, and Barbara was left to think of the "what ifs," knowing he was doing the same.
The calls picked up after that. Daily Hal's voice would be there on the end of the line when her phone rang in the evenings,
and their talks would go on for hours. Barbara found herself beginning to live for them. And she realized that, as had always
been the case in the past, having Hal to share her feelings with made them easier to bear. And now she told him the truth--the
whole truth. He talked her down when Emily tried to pull a stunt in court to prevent Paul from winning sole custody of their
child, and instead of doing something crazy, Barbara had taken Hal's advice and talked to Paul and together they'd put a strategy
in place that had won Paul's case for him without her taking action that could have hurt her loved ones or gotten her into
trouble.
And Hal opened up to her. He talked about his sadness at the way his relationship with Paul had disintegrated and Barbara
reminded him of the lesson he'd taught her--it only took someone saying, "we should talk," to start fixing things.
Two days later, Paul called to tell her that Hal had written to him, and Paul asked her advice on how to tell his former stepfather
just how sorry he was for how horrible things had gotten.
And then one night, the phone rang and Barbara answered and there was his warm, strong voice on the line.
"I had a dream last night."
"You did?" she asked. "About what?"
"We ran away--you and me. We just got on a plane and ran away and we traveled all over. You left the business in
the kids' hands, I left the department in Margo's and we just... left."
She sighed. It was a heavenly idea. "And what did we do?"
"Oh," Hal laughed, "you'll love this. First, you let me take you fishing in Canada, but I made sure there
were designer sheets on the bed in the cabin, and then we went to Paris, and even though I had to wear a tuxedo to dinner,
you had the bartender stock American beer at the party we went to."
Now Barbara laughed. "It sounds like we were having quite a time."
"We were," Hal replied. "And it got me thinking. Would you?"
"Would I what, stock the bar with American beer?"
"Run away with me."
The question was wholly unexpected and yet, really, how could it be? Every time their lives fell apart, somehow, Barbara
and Hal had found their solace in one another. It took her maybe three seconds to answer, and in that short time, Barbara
admitted to herself that Hal had always been hers and she had always been his.
"I would love to run away with you."
They made plans, lots of them. But Barbara didn't discuss them with anyone. Hal was coming home and he wanted to have
a dinner with all the kids and they'd announce it, and then the next day they were leaving. They didn't know when they'd be
back.
So on Saturday night, Barbara was checking on the seating arrangements in the private dining room at the Lakeview for
a dinner that would change her life, and when Paul and Will walked in together, she just assumed they were a little early.
It wasn't until they came closer and she saw the stricken looks on their faces that she realized something was wrong. Will
stepped beside her, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, pulling her body close to him. Paul stopped in front of her.
"Paul, what is it?"
Her oldest child swallowed hard and took both of her hands in his.
"Mom, Hal's plane... it crashed. There were... there were no survivors."
Barbara didn't remember much after that. She knew she had collapsed and her boys had brought her home and soon Kim and
Lisa were there, and they held her as she cried and told her that she'd survive this even though she was sure she would not.
Other people floated through her room that first night--Gwen, who tried to get her to eat, Bob who offered words of comfort
as only he could, even Lucinda had come.
When the door opened later the next day to reveal Margo Hughes, Barbara motioned for her longtime rival to sit beside
her on the foot of the bed.
"He called me, you know, to say he was extending his leave."
Barbara nodded, knowing Hal would have had to have contacted Margo to let her know he was not coming back to work.
"I pushed and I prodded, but he was determined not to tell me what was going on," she reported. "Just that
you and he were 'going to live a little.'"
"Hearing I was involved must have made you question his sanity," Barbara said, a slight chuckle in her voice
despite the enormous grief in her heart. Margo laughed.
"It did, I can't deny it. And I was all set to go into full interrogation mode. But then I realized... he sounded
so happy. And I hadn't heard Hal Munson sound that joyful in a very, very long time, Barbara. And I thought you should know
that that's how he left us... excited about his future, happy... loved."
Perhaps only something as tragic as the loss of the man they both adored so much could bring a truce in Barbara and Margo's
long-standing feud, but in this moment, they were both too sad to think about the reasons they shouldn't be comforting one
another. They embraced and each let go of a few of the tears they'd been trying to fight so they could be strong for their
children. And then Margo took Barbara's hand and led her out toward the living room of her apartment.
The sound that greeted them was soft, but it was also full of life. Will and Paul and Parker and Adam were all huddled
together with Nikki, "brothers" taking pleasure in teasing their sister even now. Gwen and Meg were taking care
of everyone, getting drinks, clearing plates, keeping the family going somehow despite it all. Tom and Nancy and Kim and Bob
and Lisa were all with Dusty, who, when he noticed Barbara enter, stood and walked over, placing Johnny into her arms. Her
grandson grinned as she held him, his hands pulling at her necklace as he let go of a stream of baby talk, his world blissfully
unaltered as far as he knew.
And Barbara knew as she looked around that even though she had cursed the heavens for taking Hal and leaving her all alone,
he had left her anything but. He had helped her build this family, helped her restore it when it failed, helped her return
to it when she had wandered too far from its safety. Hal had left her surrounded in love. And because she knew it was the
last thing she could do for him, she vowed to go on for their kids and their grandchildren. She knew it was all he would want
from her.
|
