His collar felt stiff, and Alex fought the urge to tug at it as he sat outside Henry Collier's office and waited. His eyes drifted to the clock in an effort to distract himself from the strangling sensation around his neck. It was eight minutes to two o'clock. Eight minutes until his third and final job interview in Los Angeles in two days began.

The first one had gone well, but Alex wasn't sure how he felt about the vibe at Cedars. It was an amazing facility and the staff was first-rate, no doubt about it. But from the moment he'd stepped through the door, something had rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe he'd imagined it, but everything had been... maybe a little too formal, a little too "look how awesome we are." And though he couldn't quibble with their program, the number of times the chief of surgery had mentioned Addison's name left him uneasy, as if he were bait to try to lure her into the fold, a feeling only strengthened by his knowledge that they had already tried to woo her away from St. Ambrose twice since she'd come to town.

After a restless night's sleep in a budget hotel room, Alex had arrived hopeful if not bright-eyed to Good Samaritan. The hospital's Perinatal center was impressive, and the attention to detail rivaled what he was used to from working with Addison. But unlike Seattle Grace, where he was a rarity, there were already seven residents vying for surgeries in the popular program. Still, Alex had liked everyone he met, and he thought he could do well at Good Sam if that was the place that made him an offer. But he was relieved he had one more interview lined up this afternoon. He'd be even more relieved when it actually started.

He was nervous, sure. It was a big deal to be looking at the possibility of uprooting his career and moving it down the Pacific coast when he was perfectly happy in his current job in a place where he was well respected and frankly, had seniority over anyone who tried to get near the NICU outside of his boss. But Alex was honestly more worried now about what he'd do and how he'd feel if no one, not even his last choice, offered him a job. Because after all the lists had been written and the comparisons done and the agonizing was behind him, Alex was sure now that he wanted... that he needed... to move to Los Angeles.

He needed to be with his family, period.

In the seven weeks since he'd found out about Emma's impending arrival, Alex had kept his promise to Addison--he had honestly examined his own needs, the state of his career and his options in California before he made a decision on whether or not to move. Of course, they had been the longest weeks of his life in some ways, even worse than the stretch where he'd had to wait and see if he'd passed or failed on his second attempt at his medical boards.

It wasn't a question of want, really. In a perfect world, there'd be no decision to make. Alex knew in that other uncomplicated life he and Addison would raise Emma together, regardless of the where because it was what they both wanted, for their family to be together. But they lived in a flawed reality where they were at two completely different stages of their careers and in which she had ghosts in Seattle that simply made life for her there untenable.

Addison had cautioned him about thinking it would be simple, that just knowing he was going to be a father would made everything black-and-white. Of course, it had been easy to see things as simple and black-and-white when he'd been sitting in California on the deck of Addison's house, her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her as they watched the ocean lap against the shore.

It had been even easier when he had coaxed her inside, noting that she was getting tired despite her protests to the contrary. As she had settled down on the bed, Alex had yawned, his own body still running on low reserves.

[i]"Looks like I'm not the only one who needs a nap," she teased. Alex smiled and shrugged.

"Well, my boss works me to death. Nothing like my old one, though. Now that one..."

She rolled her eyes and threw a bolster pillow at him.

"Just shut up and lay down."

He'd had no expectations about them, but that didn't mean he had no hopes. Still, even after Addison had told him that yes, they as a "they" were okay to consider in his plans, he hadn't wanted to push. So even with an invitation, when he'd climbed into the bed, Alex had done so as if he was sharing space with a friend rather than laying down for a nap with a woman he had erotic dreams about regularly, not to mention the one pregnant with his baby girl.

Of course, letting that thought into his brain had done little to let Alex get comfortable, and so after he'd fidgeted a few minutes, Addison's voice had stilled him.

"Can I ask a favor?"

He was laying with his hands behind his head, and Alex glanced over to find that she was on her side facing him.

"What'd you have in mind?"

Addison bit her lower lip and then she scooted over, easing against him as well as she could, given her pregnancy. Though taken by surprise, Alex certainly wasn't going to push her away or do anything to stop her efforts to settle into the nook between his arm and chest.

"Can I borrow this spot right here?"

She smiled at him in that way that drove him nuts because she was being sexy and adorable all at the same time. Back in Seattle, before the on-call room and his stupidity, that smile had nearly gotten him into trouble a half dozen times when he'd wanted to just grab her and kiss her and see what she'd say. This time, though, he smiled back and let his arm fall gently over her back.

"Seeing as how you've already taken advantage of me, I guess it couldn't hurt."[/i]

They'd both ended up in a fit of giggles after Addison slapped his chest playfully, which made him laugh, jerking his body, which then prompted Emma to kick her mother soundly.

The rest of his time in California had been more of the same--he and Addison together, laughing, talking, resting, picking out things for the baby's nursery. When he had reluctantly headed to LAX to go home, Alex was already thinking about what hospitals he might apply to so he could transfer, get settled and have his new life put into place before it changed again with the birth of his child.

But back in Seattle where his mind was free to wander over every difficulty he could imagine, things had started to twist into a maze that trapped him. Yes, his feelings for Addison were stronger than ever. Yes, he wanted very much to be a daily part of his daughter's life. And there was no denying the allure of California itself--the sun was bright even in winter, and Santa Monica was just his kind of place, the vibe casual and welcoming.

But... but in Seattle, he was the go-to man in the NICU, something he was reminded of immediately upon his return as Dr. Reynolds pulled him in on an in-utero surgery to remove a fetal tumor, bypassing the new group of interns and two third-year residents who all wanted in on the case in favor of Alex. And suddenly leaving Seattle didn't seem quite so simple and black-and-white as he thought about exactly what he'd be giving up career-wise if he made the move.

After a few weeks of playing his choices over and over in his head, not to mention venting to Torres and seeking distraction in a few rounds at Joe's, where he prattled on to Meredith and Yang about what he was wrestling with, Alex was no closer to making a firm decision. One day he'd think he'd decided to stay in Seattle, and then he'd call to check in on Addison, and she'd tell him about her day at Oceanside Wellness or share the details of her latest doctor's appointment, and a physical ache would set into his chest as he realized how much he wanted to be there, sitting on the deck, listening to Addison tell the same stories to him in person as they watched the sunset. And then he'd be ready to pack up and leave as soon as he could find a new job.

He'd been a mess two weeks ago when Torres found him in the doctor's lounge, hunched over the laptop he'd borrowed from her, crunching numbers on what his budget might look like if he managed to land a job at one of the three hospitals he'd contacted and, despite the time of year, managed to get interviews with. Rents of nearly $3,000 for 1-bedroom apartments in Santa Monica had his head swimming, and the idea of a commute, of traffic and all of that piled on top of a new job and being a new father was threatening to push him over a very steep, bottomless emotional cliff.

[i]"You look like hell," Callie offered as she stepped into the doctor's lounge and headed for the coffee pot. "Couldn't grab any sleep during your on call?"

Alex shook his head. "Every time I tried to shut my eyes, all I could think about was California."

His friend and current landlord walked over as she sipped her coffee and sat down across from him. He had no energy to resist when Torres grabbed his notebook and pulled it toward her.

"What's this?"

"My budget if I move to L.A., which, after I pay my student loan bill, find an apartment clean enough and big enough to have a kid in and buy a car to deal with the commute to any of the hospitals I have interviews at, I'll have just enough money left over to furnish the place with stuff from the 99-cent store."

Callie laughed and studied the pages. After a minute, she pulled the pen out of his hand.

"Okay, well, rent is irrelevant because you and I both know if you move to LA, you're moving in with Addison because, hi, you two are nuts about each other and you're having a kid, so why would you live anywhere else?"

With that, Torres drew a line through the rental figure on Alex's budget.

"You won't need a car because whichever one of you doesn't have the baby can drive the sports car and whoever does will have whatever that new hybrid SUV thing is Addison just bought."

Another line drawn through his budget... Alex started to protest, but then Torres drew lines through all but one figure, which she circled, and then she pushed the notebook and pen back toward him.

"All the rest of that is irrelevant. So you pay your student loans and you put whatever else you make into a general 'taking care of our family' fund and there you have it... you can afford to live in L.A."

He shook his head and pushed away from the table before leaning back in his chair.

"Look, I don't expect Addison to take care of me, all right? If I move there, I need to be able to support myself on whatever I make, and I need to help take care of my kid."

He expected a quick retort, but Alex was kept waiting as Torres sipped her coffee and stared at him.

"If Addison was still here, would you be freaking out like this about the money stuff?"

"No," he answered, a little too quickly for it to sound believable to him. "I wouldn't be, because here I'd know that my baby could come to where I live because my landlord is one of her mother's best friends. Here I know I can use public transportation and save money on gas and insurance to put toward diapers and baby food. And here in Seattle, I already have a job, and I'm not some new guy asking a chief I don't know to let me come into his hospital and fight a bunch of established residents for surgeries."

He sounded petulant even to himself, but he was finally admitting what was probably obvious to the world--Alex was terrified. He was thinking about uprooting his whole life, and even though the reason behind it was an incredibly good one, abject fear of the unknown hung around him lately like it was a blanket he couldn't throw off.

"Okay, well, clearly there's no talking to you right now because you're in boy tantrum mode." Callie stood up, taking her coffee cup with her. "But I have a message for you because before I came in here, I talked to the redhead you're nuts about but apparently too scared to move in with, and she told me to tell you to check your e-mail. So check it."[/i]

Callie had made her exit at that point, leaving Alex to slump back down in his seat, his head pounding. He needed to get back to work. He needed to get some sleep. He needed to figure out what the hell he was going to do.

Still, he pulled the laptop over to him and clicked open his e-mail login and plugged in the requisite user name and password. At the top of his inbox, he saw mail from the now very familiar amontgomery@oceansidewellness.com. He clicked it open.

[i]"Someone is a show off. Wonder which of us she gets that from?--Ad."[/i]

Alex clicked on the attachment in the e-mail and waited as a prompt told him his file was loading in the media player. A moment later, the screen filled with an ultrasound image, and there was Emma at week 31, her thumb tucked in her mouth, her body relaxed. She appeared to have been resting, but then her hand slipped down beside her body, and as if she'd realized she was being filmed, his little girl shifted position and began to spin in a loop of somersaults.

Alex stared at the screen in awe, playing the short clip over and over again. It wasn't by any means the most fascinating ultrasound he'd ever seen, but it was the most incredible because as he watched her movements, he was reminded not only that he'd been a part of creating her, but that the reason she was coming into his life was the way he felt about Addison, the way the idea of losing her had sent him to her door, to her arms, hoping there was some way to stop it from happening even if he wasn't ready to build a white picket fence or barbecue in the backyard.

And now he had a family, and he didn't want to lose them.

He had given up on the budget planning and gone back to work, finishing up his charts and checking on his patients before he finally packed up to go home, no doubt to face more grilling from Callie. But he knew as soon as Miranda Bailey rounded the corner of his row of lockers that Callie had already decided she needed reinforcements.

[i]"Dr. Bailey," he said, his tone making it clear that he wasn't surprised to see her.

"Dr. Karev. You headed home?"

"I am, unless you're here to make me work some more."

Bailey shook her head. "No more work. But a few minutes of your time?"

Alex nodded and obediently followed her out to the ambulance bay, and he took a seat beside her when she sat down on one of the stone benches there.

"You know, Alex, I haven't made it my business to interfere in your personal life much because, well, unlike a great many of my interns, you seem to prefer it that way, and I'm just fine with that."

"Except?"

She chuckled. "Except you happen to have fallen in love with one of my very best friends. And please don't try to tell me you aren't in love with her, because all you have done since you got back from California is work, sleep, eat and talk on the damned phone with Addison Montgomery every second that you are not working, sleeping or eating. I know this because every single time I come looking for you and you aren't doing the first three things, I have to pry you off the phone."

And there it was. Someone had said it out loud. He wasn't into Addison, he didn't have feelings for her, he wasn't crazy about her. He was in love with her.

"Now whatever I think about interns and attendings and whatnot, the reality is you love her and she loves you and you two are having a baby girl together. And I can see that it's killing you to not be there with her for all the stuff that's going on right now. So... why aren't you with her?"

Alex looked at Bailey and considered his answer carefully, really trying to find a way to communicate his fears because he honestly hadn't tried to explain it before, not even to himself. But it was there, gnawing at him, and he knew that whatever it was, it was about more than money and budgets and where he might work.

"Do you remember when I got Addison into trouble... with that woman who wanted the tubal and was afraid of her husband's reaction?"

"Do I remember?" Bailey scoffed and rolled her eyes. "The only reason you didn't get the verbal beat down of your life was because I knew she was gonna make you wish you were dead after she asked me to put you on her service."

He nodded, the memory of Addison's cold, controlled anger vivid in his mind. She had made him suffer, and she'd enjoyed it, but never once had she acted anything but professional with him until she'd finally had enough and let him go back to Plastics. It had been only a matter of days before he was back in the NICU, though, just lurking and hoping to land a surgery with her. But those memories weren't what troubled him now, it was the way he'd reveled in embarrassing her publicly before the reality of what he'd done had set in.

"I hurt her because she hurt my feelings. She put me in my place as her intern, and so I... I did that to get back at her."

"Right. And so you can't move to California because..."

The road he was traveling down now 'caused his gut to tighten up into a knot. The very idea of it made him feel sick. But now that he'd started, Alex knew that this was the real vise holding him in place.

"When I did it, I felt justified. But later... later it made me feel like I was acting like... my father, and he..."

His voice was low and shaky as he spoke, and Alex's head dropped down to his chest. He felt like someone had just put up an x-ray of his insides and now this woman whose respect he'd fought so hard to earn could see all the broken pieces.

"Oh, Alex..."

Bailey didn't move closer, nor did she reach out to him. But he could hear in her voice that she knew what he meant, could see what he was so afraid of.

"You know, the man Addison sees in you... he's not the man who lashed out at her because he was being a bratty intern, which is par for the course around here, by the way. Don't think you're special. Bratty isn't the same as cruel. You made a mistake. And when she sees you, she sees the man who fell in love with a job he never wanted, who picked the harder road because he decided it was worthwhile. I mean, seriously, Karev, you went from the guy who lived on scut to the man the NICU nurses call for the biggest emergencies because they know you'll have the answers. And Addison is a brilliant surgeon and an amazing teacher... but she didn't do all that work on her own."

Alex knew that, of course. Somewhere in his muddled head, he knew that. But it was sometimes so much easier to give Addison credit for who he'd become than it was to think about how much he had changed and to admit that he'd actually grown up enough to see the amazing chances that had appeared in front of him thanks to the redhead who had mesmerized both the surgeon and the man inside of him.

"You're gonna be okay, Karev," Bailey said, now giving him a light pat on the shoulder. "So go confirm those damn interviews, please, and stop all this foolishness. Now!"[/i]

Alex had done just that, confirmed his appointments, booked a flight and reserved a hotel room. What he had not done, though, was tell Addison he was coming out to interview. He wanted to have the job before he told her, not because he thought she'd care, but because he knew that was the only way he'd be honoring his promise to her. For Emma's father to be happy and content, he needed to be a surgeon. Now he just needed a hospital in L.A. to let him be one.

"Dr. Karev, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting."

A tall gray-haired man stood before him, hand extended, and Alex rose quickly, returning the other man's handshake.

"No problem, Dr. Collier."

He again fought the urge to pull at his collar at the two men headed into the Chief of Surgery's office and the door closed behind them. As they moved, Alex felt his cell phone, which he'd put on vibrate, go off on his pocket. He couldn't believe someone was trying to call him now.

"So, Dr. Karev, tell me, what brings you to Children's L.A. ?"

Henry Collier motioned toward a chair as he spoke, and Alex took the seat as the older doctor slipped into the large dark brown leather chair behind his impressive wooden desk.

"Well, I need to relocate to Los Angeles for family reasons, and I'm committed to Neonatal surgery as my specialty," Alex explained, hoping he didn't sound as nervous to Collier as he did to himself. His memories of what had led him to this interview had upped the ante significantly. "After doing my homework, this seems like the best fit for me given the number of high-risk, rare surgeries I've been able to participate in."

"Sarah Reynolds is your unit chief up in Seattle, right?" Collier picked up a legal pad and scanned the top page. "She's a very talented surgeon. You must be sorry to leave her."

"Dr. Reynolds has been great. I've learned a lot from her. But as I said, my reasons for needing to move here are family related."

Collier nodded and looked at his notes again. Then he leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over the slight paunch in his stomach.

"You know, Richard Webber and I go back a long way."

Alex felt his neck tense, but he tried not to let it show. "The Chief knows I'm interviewing, so..."

"Oh, I know," the older man interrupted. "I called and asked him about you. He said you were a pain in the ass."

Now his stomach started to hurt, but Alex fought to maintain his composure while he tried to think up a defense. Before he could speak, though, Collier went on.

"He also said that he's never seen an intern take to a specialty as quickly as you did to Neonatal, and that, for the record, includes Addison Montgomery."

It took Alex a moment to register what Collier was saying, and as it sunk in, he chuckled softly.

"I doubt he's ever said that to her."

And that made Henry Collier burst out laughing.

"I bet you're right."

The moment of levity helped to release the tension that had been threatening to choke Alex, and he managed to find his voice, the one that was honest and didn't try to impress people by being anything other than who he was. Alex's cell began to vibrate in his pocket again, but he ignored it.

"The truth is, Neonatal wasn't my first choice. But I got lucky. And I love it. I mean, I hate it when we lose patients, especially the preemies because it always seems like there had to be something we could've done. But when we save them... nothing else is like that."

Collier nodded, and Alex didn't doubt he understood. The man across from him was a legendary pediatric surgeon, and he'd probably had hundreds of those highs and lows over the years.

"Well, let me be frank with you, Dr. Karev. It's rare for me to even consider a mid-year transfer at any level of the residency program. You being a protégé of Addison Montgomery's got you in the door. Your letter of recommendation from Dr. Reynolds certainly made me more serious about you, and my chat with Richard left me intrigued. I also happen to know what your particular 'family issue' is. The medical community in L.A. is pretty small when it comes to gossip, and Addison is a bit of a superstar in its orbit. So you should know that coming in."

The words 'coming in' had Alex anxious again, but this time, in a good way. His cell annoyingly began to vibrate again, and he cursed it silently.

"The truth is, I'd be a fool to let any of the other hospitals in town snap you up. And while I suspect you'd have had a guaranteed position at St. Ambrose if you wanted it, I respect that you want to be on your own. Because you're going to need to prove to the rest of the doctors you work with that you're more than just Addison Montgomery's boyfriend. Again, just laying all the cards on the table."

"No, I understand," Alex said. "Believe me, I'm used to dealing with gossip. And I..."

His voice trailed off as his cell, which had gone silent quickly after the last call, began to vibrate again. He tried to think of who might be calling him so frantically, and he suddenly felt very uneasy.

"Sir, I apologize, but my cell's gone off a half dozen times now, and if it weren't an emergency, no one I know would..."

"Go ahead, son. That's life in our business."

Alex excused himself and stepped across the office before flipping open his phone. The last call he'd gotten was from the main number at Oceanside Wellness. When he checked his missed call list, he saw that all the calls he'd ignored were from Oceanside Wellness. He hit the "call" button and anxiously began to pace the small patch of open floor where he stood.

"Oceanside Wellness," came Dell's greeting, but it sounded different than usual, as if he was upset about something, distracted.

"Dell, it's Alex Karev. Did you..."

"Alex, thank God. Pete and Naomi told me to keep trying you."

His hand gripped the phone tightly. "What's wrong?"

"Addison's in the hospital. She's losing amniotic fluid. They think they're gonna have to deliver the baby today."

"I'm on my way," Alex said as he tried to keep his voice from sounding as panicked as he felt. "Just tell them to let her know I'm on my way."

He hung up the phone and spun around to see Dr. Collier looking at him with concern.

"Is there a problem?"

"Addison's in the hospital. They might have to deliver the baby today, and she just hit 33 weeks. I... Dr. Collier, I'm sorry, I have to get over there."

"Of course you do." The older man reached out for the phone and punched in several numbers. "Scott, it's Dr. Collier. You're not scheduled for any runs this afternoon, right? Good. Our new neonatal resident has an emergency he needs to scrub in on at St. Ambrose. Can you run him over?"

After a brief pause, the Chief thanked whoever he was speaking with and hung up the phone, then he turned his attention to Alex.

"It'll take you 90 minutes to get from here to Santa Monica this time of day. Our chopper can get you there in 20. And you and I can figure out a contract after you go take care of your family."

The elder man extended his hand again, and Alex shook it warmly, so grateful for the favor that he was only slightly conscious of the fact that he'd also just landed a job. As important as it had been just five minutes ago, now all he could think about was getting to St. Ambrose as fast as possible.

His family needed him, and he was going to be there.

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