It took exactly 6 hours and 27 minutes for Alex Karev to reach Los Angeles on the day his life changed forever. He had no illusions about that. No matter what else happened, what choices he and Addison made in the future about them and if there was a "them" in a couple's kind of way, for the rest of his life, he had become someone's father today.

The fact that his mind was still reeling from the news didn't seem to matter; the reality that it would be months yet before he met his daughter or knew what color her eyes were or knew what her smile looked like was insignificant. His heart was already beating like that of a father... and from the moment he'd hung up the phone, Alex's focus had shifted from how tired he was and how much he missed Addison to needing concrete evidence-- seen with his own eyes--that his unborn daughter and her mother were really going to be okay.

When Alex couldn't find the chief, the young resident had done the next best thing he could think of... he'd located Miranda Bailey. He wasn't surprised to find out she already knew about the baby, and the moment he'd related the story about Addison's fall and said he needed to leave, Bailey had been on the case. She had him off the schedule, fully covered for four days, and she had also told him not to worry about the chief... she'd take care of it.

After booking himself on the first flight to LA that had an open seat, Alex had gone home to pack. While he tossed whatever clean clothes he could find into a duffle bag, Torres, who had the day off, had come into his room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

[i]"You're not gonna be a jerk, right?"

Alex glared slightly at the brunette sitting next to the bag he was packing before turning toward his closet to grab some jeans.

"Don't give me that 'I'd never be a jerk look,' because, Alex, really, I know you."

He sighed and grabbed two pairs of jeans, folding them as he moved back to his duffle.

"I'm worried sick about her right now, okay? Let me get my eyes on her and read her chart and make sure 'I'm fine' really means she's fine, and then I'll worry about how I feel about Addison not telling me we're having a baby."

"Okay," she replied, her hand reaching out to touch his arm, freezing him and pulling his eyes to hers. "But it... it killed her not to tell you. You just need to know that. But she did that *for* you, not *to* you. Okay?"[/i]

Rational, grown-up Alex got that. After the things he'd said to Addison about not being ready and needing more time to figure out who he was, it made perfect sense that she wouldn't just throw all of his words out the window, regardless of the circumstances. She understood why he wasn't ready, and she wouldn't push him for anything. It was caring, understanding and love that had made her choose silence, and he believed that no matter how much he wished there had never been a secret between them.

Except... that in a corner of grown-up Alex's soul, there was still a piece of the Alex Karev who still sometimes heard his father raging, calling him worthless, telling him how unloved and unwanted he was. That Alex still saw the look of disappointment on his mother's face when she asked how he could have driven that same cruel, abusive father away... that Alex had packed his bags and left home alone believing that was the way he'd always be, alone. And the part of him that lived in that black corner didn't think much of grown-up Alex's assessment of the situation. That's how the seed of doubt planted itself in his mind. There were no good intentions, no putting him first... Addison hadn't told him about the baby because she thought they were both better off without him.

When he let his thoughts get clouded by the dark haze of his past, Alex tended to make mistakes... catastrophic ones. It was when he lashed out and hurt people he cared about or when he overstepped with an attending and put his career in jeopardy. And as he sat in the back of a cab headed toward St. Ambrose Hospital, the fear that he might be about to fall into old habits gnawed at him. He had a history of saying ridiculous, hurtful things to Addison when he was feeling pressured or nervous, and to say he felt "pressured and nervous" now seemed like one hell of an understatement.

By the time Alex found himself standing at the nurses' desk, he was a wreck. He was so worried about saying the wrong thing now, he wasn't sure he'd be able to make his mouth work once he saw her, which would be just great because then Addison would probably mistake his silence as anger or as him only being here out of obligation when nothing could be further from the truth.

Apparently his worry had also rendered him deaf because it took a nurse tapping him on the hand to make him realize she'd been trying to get his attention for at least long enough to consider him an annoyance.

"I'm sorry. I... I just got off a plane and..." Alex took a deep breath and let it out in an attempt to settle himself down. "I'm looking for Addison Montgomery's room."

"Take mercy on him, Jill."

Alex looked to his left and saw the tall, casually dressed man who had just spoken. He was leaning on the counter, a chart beneath his elbows.

"The guy just found out he's gonna be a father."

"Ah," the nurse--Jill--replied. "New daddy fog. Gotcha."

Alex watched the man and the nurse exchange a warm smile and then the blue-jean clad man picked up the chart and pushed away from the desk.

"I'll show you where to find her," the man said, and Alex moved quickly, following him down the hall.

"I'm Pete, by the way. And you're Alex, right?"

Addison had mentioned Pete Finch several times. Despite her constant jests about him being a quack, she clearly liked and respected her new partner a great deal. Alex felt himself relax a little as he was reminded that even if they weren't him or Callie or Bailey, there were people here who cared about her and were looking out for her.

"I got on the first plane I could after she called," he explained, and Pete nodded. "I know she said she's okay, but..."

"She is okay, but I figured you'd want to see it for yourself, so..."

As they stopped in front of a patient room, the older man offered him the chart he'd carried away from the nurses' desk, and Alex took it eagerly, opening it to scan its contents while Pete continued to fill him in on what had happened.

"Mostly she was scared. I mean, understandably so. She fell pretty hard, and then Little Bit went all radio-silent, and we were pretty worried. Addison's blood pressure shot up, but we got it back down, and then she got a swift kick in the ribs, and we knew everything was gonna be all right."

What he was seeing written in the chart backed up what he was hearing, and Alex felt the knot that had been in his stomach for hours begin to loosen. Addison and the baby had come through the ordeal just fine.

"Of course, when your friends are all doctors, you get overprotected like crazy," Pete said, a small chuckle accompanying his words. "So she probably could have been released today, but we ganged up on her O.B. and made them keep her till tomorrow."

"Better safe than sorry," Alex replied. "If she were the doctor, not the patient, she'd agree."

Pete nodded. "Well, I'll leave her in your hands. I'm sure one or more of us will be by later to check in on her. So..."

As his voice trailed off, Pete's eyes shifted toward the room door that stood closed behind Alex. Something that he couldn't quite identify passed through the other man's expression, and it told Alex that he wasn't the only person in that hallway who understood just how amazing the woman just inside that room really was. What he felt wasn't jealousy; more just an appreciation for how she had that affect on people... how they couldn't help but see how lucky they were to have her in their life.

What struck him even more, though, was that this man who clearly was a big part of Addison's new life knew about him. Pete knew he was the baby's father, and even more didn't question Alex's presence, wasn't wary of him or eyeing him like an interloper. He wasn't a secret, he wasn't someone she was ashamed of. And knowing that helped push the horrible doubts of earlier back just enough to let Alex breathe.

He pushed open the door to Addison's hospital room and stepped inside. She was asleep, her glasses on her face, a magazine laying open over her rounded stomach. The word adorable was all Alex could think of as he eased inside and dropped his duffle down out of the way before sinking into the chair beside her bed.

Without distraction now, he read through the chart again, his eyes studying the fetal heart monitor tapes and taking in every notation from Addison's vitals. He could see easily why she had been so frightened. Coupled with the lack of movement, their little girl's heart rate had been erratic for several hours. But the danger was over, and he let out a heavy sigh of relief at finally believing it.

"Hey."

He looked up and saw Addison blinking awake, her efforts to steady the magazine, sit up and adjust her glasses working together to make him laugh.

"Nice... laugh at the pregnant lady."

Her mock upset, which was obvious because she was smiling at him in spite of her words, only made Alex laugh harder.

"If you could see how damn cute you look right now, you'd understand."

Addison pulled herself into a comfortable position and deposited the magazine on the nightstand. He expected her to crack a joke back, but instead she just sat there, taking him in.

"You look so tired," she said finally, and he nodded.

"It was that kind of shift."

"And then you got the crazy pregnant lady meltdown phone call."

He shook his head and stood, moving so he could sit on the bed beside her.

"I'm glad you called."

Addison flashed him a small smile.

"I didn't really expect you to come down here. I mean... it's good you came, really, 'cause we have a lot to talk about and it's really... really nice to see you. But I didn't expect it."

"Well, I know you didn't ask or anything, but... I just felt like I... wanted to be here."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Thank you, by the way. For not asking. A lot of other men would've asked."

Alex shrugged. "A lot of other men who didn't know you might ask. I didn't have to."

He hadn't, either. Because he did know her, and if the baby wasn't his, Addison would've called him the day she found out she was pregnant to share her news, cry, be scared, laugh--to have whatever reaction she'd had. Because they were friends; no matter what else they were to each other, they were that first. And if there wasn't a need to hide her pregnancy from him, it wouldn't have taken her being scared half to death to call and tell him.

All of which led him back to knowing... mostly knowing... that she'd kept the secret out of fear of pressuring him. It also led him back to that awful small bit of doubt that maybe she'd had other reasons for not wanting to tell him.

That was something he wasn't ready to tackle yet, though, so Alex quickly changed the subject.

"So Bailey and Callie really didn't tell you I was coming?"

Addison shook her head. "Not a word, and I just talked to Bailey a few hours ago. She called to lecture me about rushing around in high heels while pregnant."

"Well, not that I don't appreciate that you do it, but I don't know how you walk in those things normally not to mention with..."

He motioned toward her stomach and Addison's hand floated there reflexively. Some surge of manly pride rushed through Alex as he thought about the fact that he had helped create the life growing inside of her. Without thinking, he started to reach out, but then he stopped midway. Before he could think about the reasons he was hesitating, though, Addison took his hand and pulled it forward, pressing his palm down near the rise of her belly by the left side of her rib cage.

"She likes to kick me here... a lot. And she has very strong legs. She also likes it when I eat Chinese food or Mexican... not so much with the Indian, though. Oh, and when..."

But Addison stopped speaking as a movement rippled inside of her beneath Alex's hand. He felt his mouth curl up into a grin at the sensation.

"It doesn't make any sense," he said, thinking it had been too soft for her to hear, but she hadn't missed it.

"What doesn't?"

Alex looked up from his hand to her and shook his head.

"I've stood right beside you while you cut open mothers and pull these tiny, fragile babies out... we've operated on babies while they're still in utero... but feeling her kick still feels..."

"Like a miracle?" Addison said, finishing his thought.

"Yeah."

She smiled and rubbed her hand over his where it still laid against her. "It makes perfect sense. It's never been our baby before."

*****

How he was still conscious, Alex wasn't sure, but as he climbed out of a long, hot shower, he knew he couldn't deny his body sleep for much longer. He toweled off and pulled on an old pair of sweats cut off into shorts. Since it was so much warmer in California than it had been at home, he opted to forgo a t-shirt.

Alex then used the last of his energy to make his way from Addison's master bedroom to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. As she'd promised, the house was well-stocked, so he'd been able to fix a quick dinner without going to a store or hassling with getting lost looking for somewhere to pick up food.

He'd been planning to crash at a hotel, but Addison had insisted he stay at her house. Her car had already been in the hospital parking lot since she'd been there when she had her accident, so after writing out directions, she had handed him the keys and told him to go get some sleep.

[i]"I came to spend time with you," he declared, but Addison pushed the keys and the slip of paper toward him again.

"And I'm glad you're here, but you're dead on your feet, Alex. You need to go get some sleep. You can come pick me up in the morning, and we'll spend time together after you've gotten some rest."

"I can sleep in the chair," he argued. That earned a face he remembered from working under her... and it did not bring back pleasant memories.

"Now you're just being ridiculous. You need sleep--real sleep. Unless you want me to be worried about you... which seems silly since I have a perfectly comfortable bed at home you could be sleeping in instead of you sitting here making me worry about you."[/i]

She'd known of course that was the one thing he couldn't argue with. He knew that if he'd stayed, Addison would have, in fact, worried, hardly sleeping herself because she'd have been keeping an eye on him, trying to get him to go find a couch or an on call bed or something more comfortable than the chair he'd been planning to curl up in. So Alex had caved, promising to return first thing in the morning with breakfast so they could eat while they waited for her release to be okayed.

The beach house was easy enough to find with Addison's directions, and Alex had pulled her convertible into the garage. He laughed as he remembered the wistful look on her face as she'd handed him the keys, bemoaning the fact that she'd have to garage the sports car for a few years in favor of a car seat friendly sedan. Somehow he had a feeling that the little red roadster would still get out once in a while, though, maybe on a Mommy's day out shopping trip.

Addison's home was like her... classy, elegant, but welcoming. He didn't doubt all the furnishing had come with price tags that would have made him lightheaded, but nothing was showy or trying too hard to impress.

When he'd gone into the kitchen to grab something to eat, Alex had stopped in the hallway to look at the photos she had hung up there. He guessed some of the unfamiliar faces were family or friends from New York. There were also pictures of Bailey and her son, of Callie. He was touched to see that he'd made the cut; the image a moment captured at Burke and Yang's wedding, Alex and Addison sitting side-by-side, laughing.

In spite of the evil inner voice that kept trying to provoke his insecurities, Alex found that being in the house was instead providing more and more evidence that the darker possibility his mind had conjured--that Addison didn't want him around--was nothing but nonsense. Just as meeting Pete Finch had told him that he wasn't a dirty secret in "L.A." Addison's life, being here, seeing the photo, having her trust him so completely that she'd let him stay in her home without her... it all spoke to Alex being an idiot for ever doubting her even for a moment.

"You need to get some sleep, man," he said to himself as he leaned against the French doors that led out to the back deck of the house. Being this tired was doing nothing to help him get his head on straight, and Alex needed to be clear on what he felt and what he had to say when Addison came home tomorrow. Not that he expected them to settle everything in one day, but Alex had the feeling that she needed to feel like they'd found some common ground as much as he did.

After checking to make sure he'd locked up, Alex finally made his way into Addison's room and sank down on the bed. He moved to put his bottle of water on the nightstand and clumsily knocked a notepad and pen off the small table. Groaning, Alex stretched down to retrieve the items and put them back where they belonged. He paused, however, when he flipped the notebook so the mangled pages were flat again and his eyes caught sight of the top page.

"Rachel... Sophie... Emma... Ashley... Kyra..."

The names were written separately, one per line, and Alex read them aloud, taking note of how they sounded. Then he looked down to the grouping of the five names written on the bottom half of the paper.

"Rachel Karev. Sophie Karev. Emma Karev. Ashley Karev. Kyra Karev."

Each first name paired with his last... no set with Montgomery, no hyphenates... just the potential first names of his little girl paired with a name he'd never been sure he wanted to pass on.

Emma Karev was underlined and circled--the only option on the list to be so--and Alex spoke the name aloud.

"Emma... Emma Karev. This is my little girl Emma. This is my daughter Emma Karev."

The enormity of what he felt as he tried the name over and over again made Alex's chest tighten and brought tears to his eyes. He was really going to do this... be a father, raise a daughter. He had the chance to be the parent he'd always wished he could have had, and he understood completely that mix of pure joy and absolute terror he saw on the faces of the soon-to-be or new fathers on the maternity floor and in the NICU.

There was so much potential for disaster... he could have his father's temper and not know it, he could hold back on showing his affection with the baby the way he did with other people, he could become the kind of man who put doctoring ahead of family. But as scary as it all seemed, Alex couldn't help but wonder what Emma Karev might look like, how her voice would sound, what would make her laugh... those possibilities were amazing to think about.

He set the notebook and the pen back on the nightstand, switched off the light and laid down, his body almost crying out at the relief of finally being in a bed after so many hours awake. But despite the softness of the sheets and the unbelievable perfection of the mattress--damn, Addison had not been kidding about how comfortable her bed was--instead of falling right to sleep, Alex lay there with those happier thoughts, those wondrous possibilities in his head. Would she have brown hair like him or red like Addison? Would her ankles be ticklish like her mother's? Would he hate every boy who ever came near her, worrying that she really would grow up to marry her father?

A soft, tired laugh escaped him at the idea of Addison scolding him for chasing away 2-year-old "suitors" in a sandbox. And with that image in his head... him with his family... Alex finally drifted off to sleep.

*****

Addison looked back over her shoulder at him as Alex released the catch on the deck awning so that it could extend fully, shading her seat in the chaise lounge.

"I was planning to get up and do that as soon as I convinced myself I wanted to move more than I wanted to keep squinting."

He laughed, handed her the lemonade he'd gone inside to get for her and then pulled his own chair over so they were closer together.

"So you got your space, huh? Lots and lots of space."

She chuckled and took a sip of her drink. "I did, space outside, inside... even a double walk-in closet because apparently someone somewhere knew they should design a closet for a woman just like me."

Alex took a drink from the water bottle he'd brought out earlier and watched as two little boys on the beach filled a bucket with sand. It wasn't really beach weather... the sun was bright, but it wasn't quite 70 degrees. Still the little boys were in sweat pants and long sleeved shirts and their father seemed wholly unconcerned with how messy they were getting as they planned the perfect sand castle.

"Did you see the bedroom with the window that faces out this way?"

He nodded. "I poked around a little. It's the one with the, like, purplish walls?"

"It's called China Moon... a very pale purple," Addison corrected. "And the trim is Sanibel Gray and white. I kept talking about liking those colors together but I wouldn't commit. So the day I did that lecture over at USC, Sam, Pete and Cooper all came over and painted the room--they say to be nice; I say because they couldn't take one more day of me holding up paint cards asking for opinions."

"Sound like smart guys to me."

Alex's quip earned him a playful slap on the arm. He made a face at Addison, who made one back, and then they both laughed. Their gazes held as their mirth faded and suddenly the air thickened with the weight of all that they'd postponed discussing so they could have breakfast, get her released and get home.

"So I guess if you've started planning a room for her here... I mean... you're staying here then, for sure?"

The question nearly killed him because even if he was already fairly certain Addison wasn't willing to come back to Seattle, the door was now there, standing open, waiting to be slammed shut.

He cleared his throat as Addison turned sideways in her chair so that her feet were now on the ground. She leaned heavily into the arm of the chaise as her left hand rested on her belly.

"I thought about it, Alex... for weeks after I found out I was pregnant, it was one of the main things I kept going over and over. I know all I'd have to do is ask, and Richard would let me come back. And obviously it would make things easier for us logistically. But I just... I can't breathe in Seattle."

She didn't need to tell him why, he had lived it with her, and Alex understood even if it saddened him. He turned in his seat so they were facing each other and gave her a faint smile.

"And the rain sucks."

Addison chuckled and reached out for his hand.

"It really does," she said as her fingers slipped between his.

"So I guess I need to look into residency programs here then, that would let me transfer. And I should probably talk to the chief when I get back since we only have a few months before..."

Her hold on his hand tightened, and it distracted Alex enough that he stopped speaking and looked at her intently, trying to figure out if something was wrong. When he saw her eyes glistening, he felt the muscles in his neck tense.

"Are you okay? Did something..."

"I'm okay," she declared, though the tear dropping down her right cheek seemed to dispute that. "I just... I want to say something to you okay, because I have had longer to think about this than you, and I know that's my fault, but I... I really need to say this, all right?"

"Okay."

Alex waited as Addison took a moment to get ready to say whatever it was she had on her mind. Her fingers moved idly against his hand, and he wondered who was more comforted by the contact.

"When I was with Mark and I got pregnant, I knew from the moment I found out it wasn't going to work. He... I know how he's been to you, but Mark really isn't a bad person. He's just... I didn't trust him to be there, to put our child first. And even for those awful weeks when I thought I'd given up my only chance to be a mother, I knew that I had probably spared myself and Mark and our baby a lot of pain by not bringing him or her into the world."

She paused, looking to him for some acknowledgement that he was following her logic. He wasn't sure where she was headed, but he squeezed her hand gently to let her know he was with her.

"When I found out about this baby... I mean, obviously I was stunned. I had just started to really accept that I was never going to have a child of my own and then... then I was pregnant. And I was elated and terrified and I felt a little like I was riding a roller coaster that didn't have any brakes. But what I never was, Alex... ever... was worried about you being her father. I knew that you were the kind of man who would be there for her and that I'd never have to explain to her why her daddy wasn't around."

Her words took hold of those ugly thoughts about not being good enough or wanted and pulled them out of his gut. Alex felt relief pour through his body, because even if he still had reason to be worried about what kind of father he might be, hearing her say she believed in him made it seem possible that he might be just fine.

"But..."

His eyes, which had momentarily dropped to where their hands sat laced together, shot back up to hers. But his fear couldn't build a head of steam to assault him again, not when he saw the concern he did on her face.

"You can be a good father and be there for her and love her... without moving to Los Angeles... if that's what you decide is best for you."

Alex shook his head emphatically. "No. If she's here then..."

"You promised you'd listen."

Addison's admonishment silenced him, and he sighed heavily as he waited for his turn to speak.

"The best thing for our daughter is for her to have two happy, content parents. And I'm selfishly telling you that I've decided the best thing for her mother is for me to stay here in L.A. Now you have to decide what's best for you--for your career, for your future. You have a whole life in Seattle, Alex, that has nothing to do with me... and if you give that up, if you transfer and deal with whatever repercussions that brings to your career, you're the one who has to bear those choices. And before you get some craziness in your head, I'm not saying I don't want you here. I... miss you, and I'd love it if you were here, but you... have to do what's right for you, and that's not a choice you can make 24 hours after finding out you're going to be a father."

If anyone didn't understand why Alex felt about Addison the way he did, he wondered if hearing what she'd just said to him would finally help it make sense to them. God, she knew him so damn well. She understood... she understood all of it... and he didn't have to sit here and worry about saying the wrong thing or torture himself, turning his words over trying to convince her of anything. She got it. She got him.

Standing, Alex moved across the small space between them and then sat down again beside her, their hands still joined.

"I don't want to make the wrong choice," he admitted. His voice sounded small to him as he said the words, as if perhaps it had been tamped down by the honesty of the statement. He took in a shaky breath as she sat up straighter, switching the hand she held his with so that her left arm could fall across his back.

"The only wrong choice is one you don't really think through. We can help her deal with not seeing you every day if that's how things end up... because every day, she'll know you love her. That's the part that counts. That's the part we'll get right, no matter what."

He nodded, swallowing hard and then he looked at her, their eyes forming a perfect line thanks to their close quarters.

"I know you're not asking me to make any decisions or anything right now, but I just want you to know that I will be there. I mean... I guess I'm human, so maybe not every time ever, but... enough so Emma knows she has a father she can count on."

"Emma?" she asked, her eyes brightening at the mention of the name.

"I saw your list. I like it. It sounds right to me."

Addison leaned over and kissed his cheek, the touch so light it felt like air brushing over his skin. Then she leaned her head on his shoulder. The closeness they were sharing both physically and emotionally gave him the nerve to ask her a question he hadn't been sure he would ask until they were here on the deck and he realized that being ready might not be what mattered so much as being sure he didn't feel anywhere else the way he felt next to her.

"While I'm figuring things out... deciding what it is I want to do... is it okay if part of what I think about is... is you and me?"

She sat there, head still against his shoulder, arm still draped across his back, her hand resting in his, and for a moment, there was just her silence and the roaring of his own blood in his ears. Then she shifted slightly, pulling away just enough so that she could take the arm she'd been leaning on and wrapped it around her when she came close again and pressed her cheek against his chest.

"Yes," she replied, the emotional tone of her voice telling him of her relief at his having asked. "You and me is okay to think about, too."

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