A/N... so here's the deal with this story. I have this great friend Kel who has read every word of fic I've written for about the last five years or so... and I owe her Y&R fic. Like really owe her... like she's been waiting about eight months (so long, the pregnant main character has had her baby on the show and the baby is two months old). So when she said, "I'll forgive you if you write me Alex and Addie fic," my guilt propelled me forward... as she knew it would. So those of you who like Alex and Addie can thank Kel for this... and those of you annoyed that you're still waiting for your other fic can *blame* her.

It is complete and ridiculously long, so I'll post it in three parts with the epilogue attached to part three.

True Colors by socalwriter

A slight twinge in his lower back made Alex roll over on the bunk in the on call room in an effort to find a more comfortable position. He glanced at his watch and saw he had another hour before he had to go check on his charge for the night. He stretched gingerly and then closed his eyes. There was no pretense that sleep was coming. Alex was dead on his feet, but lately, every time his mind got quiet or his body was still, all he could think about was how much it sucked to want the one woman in the world he knew he couldn't have.

A lot of people probably thought he had this coming, and Alex would understand it if they did. He'd run through his fair share of women -- more than his fair share -- and he imagined to some of them, he'd been the type of man they had wanted and never thought they'd get to want them back, but he hadn't cared. Once he'd gotten what he wanted out of the connection, once the novelty of having a girl to come home to at night wore off, he simply said his good-byes and moved on. He had tried to never be purposefully cruel because, well, you never knew when your paths might cross again, and with the exception of Izzie, he felt he'd gone through life without leaving too much hurt behind.

But maybe he was wrong, because he must have done something terrible to some woman somewhere to deserve the torture he was enduring right now.

She wasn't supposed to do this to him. Addison Montgomery was Satan's whore after all--the redheaded bitch who, even though she barely knew him, had dressed him down in front of patients and Izzie (deservedly, but he had never really admitted that to anyone). She was the attending he had pushed so hard and pissed off so badly that she had done what both her ex-husband and Preston Burke had failed to do to him--she had gotten revenge. Though Seattle Grace had settled with the Wards' attorney fairly quickly and little talk had arisen from their complaint against Addison, the black mark on her record had clearly pushed a button he had never imagined existed. She had tortured him until he'd been sure he might be turned off by the idea of a vagina for the rest of his life -- and worse yet, she had clearly enjoyed every minute of it. The more he bristled, the tighter she pulled the reins, and Alex was simply too much himself to stop trying to get her goat, so every day had seemed like an escalation of their private war.

The funny thing, though, was that he had never regretted his decision to rat Addison out to Chris Ward because of the payback he'd had to face. Rather, when he stood over the late Melanie Reynolds' tiny baby boy, he realized that what she'd given him in exchange for his betrayal was the knowledge of what it felt like to truly save a life. That had been the first of many instances when he wished he could take his childish act back. The idea that he had disrespected her as a doctor--as the amazing surgeon she was--it ate away at him still, and he knew someday he'd have to break down and actually apologize to Addison instead of just thinking about it. Of course, then he faced the danger of his "I'm sorry" turning into a longer, more humiliating explanation of why he wanted her forgiveness... and he really wasn't up for the reaction that would probably draw out of her, most likely something resembling a fit of laughter.

Groaning, Alex sat up and decided the only way to save himself from his present train of thought was to just go back to the NICU and hang out with the babies. First, though, he needed a cup of coffee and something full of sugar to help him stay awake.

Ten minutes later, cup of coffee in one hand, half-eaten chocolate chip muffin in the other, Alex Karev was walking toward the neonatal unit when he rounded a corner and nearly knocked into two residents as his eyes locked on the unexpected sight of Addison standing at the nurses' desk. Somehow his brain took in every detail--the way she was leaning on the desk, the way her hair was twisted up and pinned so that she could quickly pull on a scrub cap for their morning surgery, glasses--today's pair had navy blue rims-- giving him a hint as to what her outfit would look like later on post-surgery.

He whirled around and moved back into the corridor he'd just left. After a moment, when he didn't hear his name being called, Alex leaned his head back against the wall and sighed. Even in scrubs, she made his mouth go dry and his words start to jumble in his head. It was an absolute example of the strength of his own will that he kept managing to work with her when his inner 12-year-old wanted to come out every time she was around. Realizing he was already feeling that way and he hadn't even spoken with her or come face to face yet, Alex knew it was going to be a long, long day.

"Damn it, she's in scrubs already?"

"We should ask the nurses to page us when she goes to lunch. Maybe she'll be back in the skirt and heels by then."

"I hope it's the black pinstripe with the slit up the left side."

"Dude, yeah. Or the red dress. Remember the red dress?"

The exchange between the two residents he'd almost mowed over wasn't unusual in the halls at Seattle Grace. In fact, Alex was fairly certain Derek Shepherd was the only straight man in the hospital who didn't get how gorgeous his ex-wife was. In fact, the hotness factor of one Addison Montgomery formerly Shepherd was the favorite subject among male interns, residents and attendings trying to pass time in the cafeteria at lunch or struggling to stay awake during long nights on call.

The talk had always annoyed him, but the reasons for the scowl on his face had changed. Before, it had been a small bit of contempt directed at himself because he couldn't disagree with a damn thing the other men said. Addison was hot--ridiculously hot. She was "McHot" after all. And she was beautiful. Insanely beautiful. But Alex and she had gotten off on the wrong foot and things had gone steadily downhill for months after that. And he wasn't supposed to like her. She aggravated him like no other woman on Earth could, and she had power over him, which made it ten times worse. So the fact that she could still grab his attention and make him wonder what her skin felt like... it made him hate himself a little bit.

Now the talk made his jaw tighten, and it left him glaring at the other men, his anger flaring, directed not at himself but at the small minds that didn't understand how much more there was to the infamous redhead than the killer legs and the flawless hair and the designer clothes that dressed the package. They hadn't watched Addison coax a half-dead infant back to life with a combination of her surgical talents and sheer force of will. He doubted any of them could describe the sound of her laugh or knew how rarely it ever echoed in the halls at Seattle Grace. And not a one of them knew that the beauty and the brains provided only an incredibly thin shield against the hurt that had come her way for far too long now.

It was seeing that hurt up close and personal--seeing the way the dig from Sloan about her high horse had taken some of the fire out of her eyes--that had made Alex feel something new for his mentor. Along with attraction, admiration and respect, he had felt... protective. Then he'd felt proud when his vanilla latte stunt had pissed the plastic surgeon off royally.

That Addison was there to see it, that she'd immediately offered him a surgery without knowing his "mistake" that morning had been for her... it had only served to deepen the growing pool of feelings Alex was now mired in when it came to her.

What he hadn't expected, at all, was to feel himself moving toward her... to see her moving toward him... there in the NICU. He'd admitted his prank on her ex, acknowledged his desire to stay there with her on her service, and they were sharing a friendly moment as colleagues... as maybe almost friends. And then it changed. He felt something in him slide easily over an invisible line that made Addison into not just his mentor or someone he cared about, but into a woman... one he wanted not because she was hot or had amazing legs or because she could advance his career... he wanted her because she was Addison.

Still, Alex was eternally grateful that the nurse had come into the room when she had, stopping them just short of disaster. Because that's what reason told him it would be--they would be--disaster. She was his attending, for crying out loud, and he'd seen enough attending/intern insanity over the past ten months to last him a lifetime. He would sooner go celibate than find himself doing some of the insane or ridiculous things Meredith or Yang had over Shepherd and Burke.

And then there was the fact that since he'd met her, Addison's life had been a roller coaster with such severe highs and lows, if it were an actual structure in an amusement part, it would've been terrifying to even the most thrill-seeking riders. She had been through hell, some of it of her own making, and the fact that a barb from Sloan or a withering stare from Derek could still hurt her was proof positive that she was far from over all that had happened.

So when she had explained away the almost kiss as the result of her having a weird week... well, it made sense. It stung a little bit, though, because even if it was illogical and dangerous, he'd liked thinking that maybe she was a little attracted to him, too. But it was "a weird week," and that was that.

Until they were both sitting at Joe's and her hand brushed against her cheek, and then she was kissing him.

No almost, no interruption--they were kissing. And kissing her wasn't like he'd imagined. There was heat, but it wasn't out of control, rip your clothes off heat. It was... warmth and welcome and just enough for him to know they could get to rip your clothes off heat without much effort if she'd been kissing him to get there. But the kiss was... caring... searching... almost like she hadn't been sure when her lips touched his if he'd respond or not, and when he did and he felt her fingers caress his face, Alex realized that it was, quite possibly, the most loving kiss of his life.

When she pulled away, their eyes locked, and he felt compelled to hold the gaze until she looked away first. And then she was gone. Alex had little more than blinked and let his eyes drop to his beer while he tried to gather his thoughts, and when he looked up, a blur of red passed him, and he was alone wondering what exactly had just happened.

He'd had nearly a week to come to his own conclusion about the "what" and the reason behind it, because until he had put an end to it, Addison had avoided him as if he'd contracted a contagious disease.

She'd been drinking, but he'd seen her drunk, so she hadn't kissed him because she was blitzed. So it wasn't some drunk grope, which was a hook-up format Alex was well-versed in. But she had told him when they talked about the almost kiss that she was having the aforementioned weird week, and Sloan was treating her like ass, and she was still getting over Shepherd. And then Mr. O'Malley had died, and that had left everyone pretty down.

So it was a comfort thing. Addison was feeling down, lonely, and Alex had been nice to her and they had been pretty friendly since he'd realized the error of his ways and shown his respect for her specialty. People did that sort of thing... they had a bad day, kissed a friend looking to feel better. It didn't mean anything, not to her, which was probably why she was avoiding him, he'd reasoned... she was worried Alex would think it did mean something and would make another move.

He'd planned to wait her out, to let her get over it on her own, but another morning of Mark Sloan and his crappy attitude had finally pushed Alex to the breaking point. He had to convince Addison she had nothing to fear from him, that he wasn't going to come after her or try to make something out of one random, innocent kiss... and, of course, the one random, innocent almost kiss that had come before it.

What he hadn't figured into his plan for the confrontation or his speech about how he wasn't interested in being another intern sleeping with an attending was the look it would leave in her eyes. When he saw her discomfort and confusion morph into something that seemed a lot like hurt, Alex had almost recanted, and the rest of the day, he'd wrestled with feeling like he should go to her and tell her he hadn't meant it. I mean, he got that she wasn't interested, but he hadn't had to turn it back on her that way and make it sound like somehow she wasn't attractive to him. But then Addison had found him, asking him if he wanted to scrub in on a surgery, and even though it was clear she was still a little wounded, she was talking to him again, so he decided to just leave things the way they were.

Now he worked with Addison most days unless Bailey had to reassign him, and he was happy... he was learning a lot, scrubbing in on surgeries almost every shift, and he had a mentor who actually wanted to teach him, who thought he had talent, who he felt like he had an actual friendship with.

That was enough. That was good. They had dodged a bullet, he told himself... repeatedly. It would have ended in disaster if they had hooked up, and it would've cost him a chance to pursue a surgical career he was feeling more and more committed to every day. It was all for the best.

But every time Alex saw her at the start of a new day, like now as he walked past the two gossipy residents, scowl on his face, and headed toward the NICU to take care of their tiny patient... every time, Alex would remember the way her hand had felt against his face, and even more, he'd remember the way the small, gentle gesture had pulled at his heart like no other moment of intimacy he'd ever known in his life.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here yet."

Addison looked up from the chart she was working on and tugged her glasses off as she offered him a tired smile.

"Couldn't sleep. I figured I might as well come in early. Maybe I can wear myself out enough to nap between surgeries."

No one else would probably believe her if she said she was tired or sleep deprived, because Addison Montgomery didn't do frazzled or worn out or even mussed. With the lone exception being the day she and Shepherd had imploded and he'd spied her slamming down drinks at Joe's in a pair of sweats, Alex had never seen her look--superficially--like anything but the capable, professional she was. But he could tell now that when she was tired, her eyes weren't quite as green, the blue somehow clouding them more, and she tended to shift her shoulders a lot because they ached when she needed to rest.

"Well, I was just going to check in on Taylor," he offered. "And everyone else was doing great when I went to catch some Zs. Are you sure you shouldn't go try to get some sleep now?"

She smiled again and, as happened sometimes, he felt their gaze last a beat longer than it should have if he was done wanting what he couldn't have.

"Why don't we go check on Taylor together?" came Addison's reply. "And then I'll go ambush the coffee cart for my morning caffeine."

Alex chuckled and held his position as she walked past him toward the NICU entrance. With a sigh, he downed the rest of his own coffee, tossed out the remainder of his muffin and followed her to the scrub and gown area, wondering just how many times today he'd have to remind himself that having a friend and a mentor wasn't exactly a consolation prize.

Now all he had to do was forget what it felt like to have, even for a moment, the possibility of more.

*****

Alex had suspected he was falling for neonatology when he found himself coming by the NICU to visit the babies even when he wasn't assigned to cases. He'd peek in, scan the charts, learn their names and say hello to the little fighters that populated the high-tech room designed solely to keep them alive.

Now, of course, he practically lives here. Over the past few weeks, he's given up all pretense that he's even holding a lingering thought about plastics. Bailey hands him Addison's charts every morning without even saying "Karev, you're with Montgomery" anymore because as far as the staff of Seattle Grace is concerned, he's become "Addison's intern."

He can't muster a complaint with it because it's the truth, and he sometimes sees envy in the eyes of the other groups of first year's or the resident's who haven't yet caught her attention... the ones who see how great she is and want to position themselves in line to get in on one of her surgeries, but who all recognize that the top spot, the role of "right hand" has already been claimed.

But he still gets that "thing" in his stomach the first time he sees her every day, and he still wakes up night after night from dreams in which the words "Addison's intern" take on a whole new meaning.

Today, though, it's the standard meaning of being an intern and being hers that has Alex walking on air, and he's literally tiptoeing on clouds.

They had been paged to the E.R. to take on an accident victim who was 29 weeks pregnant. Moments after they had transported the unconscious mother to the operating room, Addison had delivered the premature little girl via c-section, but she had barely pulled the baby free before the uterus that had housed her disintegrated right before the doctors' eyes.

The next few minutes had been some of the most intense and amazing of Alex's life. Unable to leave the mother, who was threatening to bleed out if Addison didn't use every ounce of skill she had to save her, the redhead had leveled her eyes at him and told him to take charge of the preemie.

Though he'd had little time to analyze it in the moment, the looks that passed between some of the nurses and the third-year resident in the room seemed to border on awe, and that certainly mirrored what Alex had felt. The confidence she was showing in him, the respect it conveyed... it set an enormous weight on his shoulders, and for a moment, the enormity of it had left him stunned. Then he realized he was responsible not only for proving himself worthy of his attending's trust, but for the life of the small baby girl in his hands.

His evaluation quickly revealed that the preemie needed intubation in order to get enough oxygen. Though he'd seen Addison perform the procedure numerous times on their NICU patients and he'd done it himself on adults, he'd never actually been in this position with a newborn. But he needn't have worried, because as she stitched up the soft tissue tears threatening to kill one of their patients, Addison talked him through the steps to save the other. The calm in her voice kept him steady, moving swiftly but with the caution required when working on such a small, fragile child.

An hour had gone by since he'd taken the baby from the O.R. before the sound of the NICU door opening pulled Alex's attention away from his tiny charge. He watched as Addison walked towards him and picked up the packet of x-rays sitting beside him, pulling the top one free and holding it up to the light.

"How's she doing?"

He sighed and lifted the baby's small hand with his index finger. "Labs showed low oxygen and acidosis. No surprise. But the rest of her levels look good. X-rays confirm the lung immaturity."

"Okay," she replied, "let's get her on surfactant. Let's get labs every four hours to monitor against infection, and I want to do an echo to confirm full heart function."

Alex nodded and began to add Addison's orders to the chart. Then he stopped and looked at her intently.

"The mother?"

She smiled. "Pulled through."

Truly relieved that if they succeeded in keeping this little girl alive, she would have a mother to raise her, Alex couldn't help but smile himself.

"Oh, and, uh..." Addison pulled the "I'm a girl" nametag from the incubator and sat it down atop the chart he was writing in. "Her dad says her name is Jamie. I figured you should get to do the honors since you kept her alive."

The width of the grin his lips curled into was held in check by his male pride, but there was no denying the swell of accomplishment Alex felt at his mentor's words. Even more meaningful was the look on Addison's face as her own smile brightened slightly before her attention was pulled away by the sound of her pager.

She was proud of him, and Alex couldn't deny, at least to himself, how amazing that made him feel. Nor was there any pushing away the sense of accomplishment that came with writing Jamie's name on the tag before he returned it to the incubator.

"I have to run down to the E.R.," Addison informed him after checking her page. "You'll get the echo going?"

He nodded and a moment later, she was gone. Alex let his eyes drop back down to Jamie.

"We're having a good day, Jamie, a very good day. And I'm counting on you to help me keep it going, okay?"

Though she wasn't capable of answering verbally, Jamie had done her part by providing a clean echo and by showing no signs of infection on her next set of labs. Alex was looking for Addison to give her the test results, but held back when he rounded the corner near her office and heard the sound of Derek Shepherd's voice inside.

"You really think you deserve chief over me or Burke?"

"No, Derek, I don't necessarily think I deserve it over either of you, but I surely deserve equal consideration."

"Unbelievable."

Alex nearly turned away until he heard the frustration in Addison's voice.

"What's unbelievable, Derek, that I expect to be respected equally for surgical skills that are just as impressive as yours? You're damn right, I do. I work just as many hours as you do, I head up my own department and I sure as hell publish more than you or Preston do."

"You're also the reason Seattle Grace is stuck with Mark Sloan," her ex spat back bitterly.

"Yes, well, that may be true, but considering the amount of money Mark has made for Seattle Grace in the, what, two months he's been here, I think the board will see that more positively than you do."

To stop himself from laughing, Alex had to put his hand over his mouth. The comeback was laced with so much sarcasm, he could picture how red Shepherd's face must be on the other side of the wall.

"Well, if I were you, I'd remember that Burke and I are both out in the open with our personal relationships. Sneaking around isn't gonna win you any points with Richard or the board."

"What," Addison asked, her tone clearly annoyed, "is that supposed to mean? Because in case you've missed the last few chapters of my life story, Mark and I are no more, and even if we were, two attendings having a relationship is hardly out of bounds in a hospital where you and Burke have taken up with interns."

Derek scoffed. "As if you haven't."

Alex felt his shoulders stiffen at the harshness in Shepherd's voice. Part of him wanted to walk in and tell the sanctimonious son of a bitch to get lost, but he knew Addison was capable of fighting her own battles, so he held his ground.

"Oh, do tell, Derek... what intern am I supposed to be involved with?"

"Please, Addie, Karev has done nothing but bitch about being on the gynie squad since you got here, and now suddenly he's practically begging you for surgeries, even with Mark Sloan, God of plastics in residence? Something had to make him change his mind."

The amusement he'd felt only moments earlier vanished as Alex took in what Shepherd was saying. Were people really talking about him and Addison that way? Did they think he only wanted to work with her because they were sneaking around together? The idea of that made him feel physically ill... even if he hadn't necessarily told the truth about not wanting her after their kiss at Joe's, Alex hadn't been exaggerating when he said he didn't want to be just another intern sleeping with an attending. He knew his friend's love lives fueled the gossip mill at SGH, and he'd already had enough of that himself in the debacles with Izzie and Olivia to last him a lifetime. Sure, if he had a shot at being "the guy" with her, he'd probably learn to live with the gossip, but Addison had made it clear the kiss was a mistake, so that possibility was dead in the water.

Their growing friendship had survived, their work relationship was thriving, and Alex was still working on letting go of his infatuation, slow process that it was. But now he felt a whole new concern start to take hold of him. What if, he thought, Addison started to pull away from him because of Derek's accusations? He had never really considered she'd go after the Chief's job, but if she was, she surely couldn't afford any kind of scandal nipping at her heels.

Then her voice rang out again, and Alex felt his emotions spin on a dime from fear to absolute awe.

"I realize it's hard for you to operate above the emotional level of a 5 year old, Derek, but I think most of the adults in this hospital can actually see that maybe, just maybe, Alex Karev woke up and realized being like Mark Sloan was the last thing on Earth he wanted to do. And maybe he decided it was okay to admit he was wrong about Neonatal and 'the gynie squad' because he's seen first hand what his surgical talents can do to save a life only a handful of people have the skill to save."

He couldn't resist... Alex took a step forward and peeked around into the door. Addison had her arms crossed in front of her and she was standing about a foot away from her ex-husband, her gaze focused intently on the man she'd spent more than a decade with. For his part, Shepherd looked like he was fighting an internal battle to hold his ground... and he was starting to lose it.

"Maybe, Derek, Alex Karev is man enough to make his own choices, regardless of what you or his friends or anyone else thinks of them, and it's all of you who can't handle that, so you have to try to knock him down by making it sordid. And if Richard or the board would like to ask me about any of this, I'll tell them the same damn thing."

There was no question that Shepherd would be making a hasty exit after Addison's final words, so Alex quietly made his way down the hall and back toward the NICU, where he decided his best course of action was to send the test results and patient update to his boss via her BlackBerry. She replied quickly, asking him to finish the pre-ops on their next surgical patient and saying she'd meet him at the O.R. later.

Alex did as she'd requested, running the various tests needed and finding time to check up both on Jamie and her mother, but his thoughts continued to return to the conversation he had overheard and the emotional highs and lows the talk had caused for him. He couldn't help but feel good about the way Addison had defended him and herself to Derek. Every single thing she'd said had been true as far as his own reasoning, but it wasn't as if he'd run around saying such things to people, especially to her. That she could see him so clearly was a little unnerving, and yet, he kind of loved it at the same time. And he knew her well enough now to know that she wouldn't just say things like that to upset her ex-husband unless she meant them. Addison could get rattled and confused like anyone, but she wasn't a game player. It was one of the things he admired most about her. Even when she'd decided to make him pay for the Ward fiasco, she'd been right up front about it.

Still, a small part of him, the part so used to getting the short end of the stick maybe, worried that Derek had given his ex-wife just enough cause for concern about her reputation and the implied slight being levied against it that she might start to treat him differently. So when he went to scrub in for the ovarian cyst removal on their afternoon schedule and found Addison already there, Alex had to take a moment to prepare himself for whatever her reaction to him might be.

"Jamie's second set of labs are still clean," he said as he walked to the sink and took a scrub packet. "And I checked on her mom. Blood pressure's holding steady."

He held his breath a little when she turned toward him. Then she smiled, and he saw the warmth in her eyes that he'd become accustomed to as their bond had deepened the past few months. Alex exhaled and decided everything was going to be okay.

Later, as he and his fellow interns recapped the highlights of their day, Alex shared that he had gotten to actually excise the cyst once Addison determined they could leave the ovary in place and go ahead with a cystectomy. He'd still been talking when he saw the look that passed between Izzie and Meredith, the look that implied there was more to his surgical opportunity than just an attending letting an intern make progress. Though it made his blood boil, he let it pass by without comment, choosing instead to change faster so he could get away from the group without saying something to add to their existing theories about his relationship with Addison.

When he saw the redhead who had dominated his thoughts for most of the day--for most of every day, if he was honest--heading out toward her car, Alex instinctively quickened his step, catching up to her with most of the journey to the parking garage left to finish.

"So that was a pretty great day," he said, drawing her eyes to him.

"It was," she answered, a slight smile on her face. "Long, but great."

Alex nodded. "Yeah. You, uh, headed home?"

She laughed, the sound a little bitter. "It's tragic, isn't it, that a hotel suite has become my home?"

"It's only tragic if you don't like it. If you do, then what's wrong with it?"

Addison stopped and looked at him. He recognized the way her eyes were searching his face. Every now and then, she'd just look at him like this, as if she were trying to figure out the answer to a question.

"I like it that you tell me the truth," she said finally. "Because I know if you thought I was a ridiculous loon for living in a $350-a-night hotel room, you'd tell me."

"Oh, well, I didn't realize it cost *that* much. Now that I know that..."

She laughed at his teasing, and he smiled because he enjoyed hearing the sound. Slowly they began walking toward the lot again.

"Have you thought about moving, finding a place?"

Addison nodded. "I have. Just haven't quite gotten motivated, I guess. It's been a long time since I picked out a place to live for just me."

They had reached her car, and Addison unlocked the door and tossed her briefcase and purse inside. But instead of getting in, she leaned against the frame, so Alex followed suit.

"There's something I sort of, uh... wanted to tell you."

Her head tilted to the side, her hair swirling around her shoulders. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, almost too quickly.

Alex was nervous, second guessing himself now. He hadn't planned this. The thought had been in his head since earlier, since he'd overheard her talking with Shepherd, but he hadn't really planned to say anything about it tonight, if ever. But apparently his conscience had other ideas.

"I, um... I sort of came by your office earlier today, and you were talking with your ex."

Sighing, Addison nervously sank her teeth into her lower lip. "Oh."

"I, um... okay, I can do this."

He rocked back and forth from toe to heel, his resolve wavering. When she chuckled, he realized he'd said his last comment out loud.

"Alex we're friends. At least, I think we are..."

"We are," he said. "I mean, yeah, we definitely are."

"Okay, so just... tell me."

And suddenly Alex knew he could. He knew Addison would hear him, not just his words but the sincerity of what he was feeling, because she always did, even when he didn't want her to.

"The thing I did... with the Wards," he began. "I just... it was stupid and arrogant, and I just hope that if you really want the chief job... I hope nothing I did or do hurts your chances. Because I think you'd be great at it."

"Yeah?" she asked, and he hated that she seemed to not be sure of it herself.

"You don't play favorites, no matter what anyone says. You've given everyone a shot at working with you. You've always been cool with Grey even when most people would've been downright rude to her. You treat people with respect even if they don't deserve it. That's something no one can say about Shepherd or Sloan, and Burke... well, that's a whole other set of issues there. But, yeah, I think you'd make a great chief."

Her eyes brightened a little, and she smiled in that genuine way that made his heart want to pound out of his chest.

"Well, thank you for that..." she said, "and for the apology, but we're okay about all that. You know that, right?"

He nodded, unable to think of what words he could say then that wouldn't make him sound like an enormous dork.

"So how much of that did you, uh, did you hear?"

Alex shrugged. "Sort of right up till you told him off."

She looked mortified, but she laughed softly anyway before she spoke again.

"I'm sorry about that, really. And I really hope it doesn't cause any problems for you."

He felt his brows knit together as he looked at her, unsure of what she meant.

"Well, I don't know if it's just Derek being Derek or if people are really making stuff up in their heads," she explained. "But I hope it doesn't make things difficult for you with your friends or the other attendings. You've earned everything you've gotten from me... I mean, I know you know that, but I'd tell anyone who asked that, and I just... you shouldn't have to worry about things like that. You shouldn't have to wonder what people are thinking when they look at you, because after the last year, I can tell you, it's no fun and it's... it's just gonna get in your way and..."

She kept talking, but the more she spoke, the less coherent and more nervous her rambling was becoming. Alex kept listening, took in the disintegration of Addison Montgomery, polished surgeon into Addison, rattled woman, and he couldn't help but start smiling as understanding dawned.

Addison hadn't avoided him for a week after the kiss because she wasn't interested, she had avoided him because she was... and she was trying to protect him, not herself.

"So anyway, I just don't want you to worry, okay? Because I won't let things get out of control with this. I'd hate for any of the silliness in my life to... do anything to..."

She stopped talking finally, and Alex saw her look at him as if he had, quite possibly, lost his mind.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked, noting the cat-ate-the-canary grin on his face.

Sure, he didn't want to be another intern sleeping with an attending, and no, he didn't want to be put in a situation where his surgical career might be harmed by getting involved with his mentor, but dear God in heaven, he did want Addison Montgomery, he did... and Addison Montgomery wanted him back, and Alex Karev lost sight of all the rest of it for a moment.

"Alex?"

She took a step toward him out of concern because not only was he staring at her, grinning, but he hadn't responded to her. Alex reacted to her movement by taking two steps toward her, his hand rising, cupping the back of her head and drawing her to him before he could stop himself.

They had mutually almost kissed once, and then she had kissed him, and now Alex was kissing her. Alex was kissing Addison Montgomery, and after a moment of hesitation, she kissed him back, her hands finding their way to him, one caressing his cheek, the other smoothing against the hair on the back of his head. He responded by wrapping his arms around her, pulling her against him, and the kiss deepened, and Alex felt a combination of feelings he couldn't begin to sort or identify in that moment.

When she pulled away, it wasn't a violent break of contact, but rather a slow, reluctant movement, as if she was doing something she didn't really want to do. Alex didn't fight her, but he also didn't allow her to retreat completely; his left hand remained at her waist, touching lightly against the curve there.

"Alex, we..."

"I know," he said, though his breath was still coming in gasps.

"You said... you told me you only kissed me back because I'm your boss."

"I know. I know I said that, but..."

"You said you weren't interested," she said, and he could see that her eyes, though still clouded with the desire they'd set loose in each other, were also showing a fair amount of confusion.

"Look, I... I thought I was gonna lose you," he explained. "I mean, I thought you'd stop working with me, I thought the friendship we were building was gonna disappear, and you had told me you were having a weird week, and I thought... I thought it was just you, you know, needing someone."

The confession brought back the disappointment he'd felt in those days after Joe's, and he had to look away from her because now he felt like he'd set himself up to feel that same letdown again. But then he felt her hand on his cheek... the touch that same, gentle, loving caress from their first kiss... and Alex let his eyes return to hers.

The confusion was gone, and all that was left was a warmth that Alex wanted to hold on to forever.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry I let you think that. Because it wasn't about just needing someone. I felt close to you. I kissed you because I... I wanted... It was about you."

He wasn't sure what to make of the relief that set free inside of him.

"And kissing you back now," she continued, "was about you. And... me telling you we can't do this... that's about you, too."

"Addison, I don't care what Shepherd said, what anyone is gonna say..."

He was ready to argue now. An hour ago, he was resigned to never having more than the relationship he had with her, and now suddenly Alex was ready to fight everything, even her, now that he knew more was possible. But she wouldn't let him fight.

"You should care because you're a talented surgeon and you are going to be amazing by the time you're ready to apply for your fellowships, Alex. You should have your pick of all the best ones--Seattle Grace, Children's L.A., Johns Hopkins--and you will, because you'll deserve them. But if you... if we..."

"I'm not going to be less of a surgeon because I care about you," he argued. When Addison went to cut him off again, this time, Alex pushed back.

"No, no, Addison. Do you not get it? This isn't me trying to get you into bed. I... this is weeks and weeks of me wishing things had gone differently after we kissed, that I thought I had a chance, and now you're telling me I do, and I'm supposed to just, what, walk away from that?"

"Yes," she said, though her voice was choked, and he saw tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "Yes, Alex, you walk away because it's the best thing for you."

Now he pulled away from her, angry, disheartened, and when she reached for him, he tried to pull away, but then she grabbed his arm more forcefully, and the fear that he might hurt her if he tried to pull away again stopped him from moving at all.

"It's not fair, Alex. I know it isn't. But the world doesn't work the same way for women as it does for men. Usually that's to our disadvantage, but in this case... in our case, you're the one who's going to pay for any mistakes we make."

"Meredith and Cristina are both involved with attendings, right out in the open. I don't see what's so different about us."

Again, her touch found his face, her fingers caressing his cheek, and Alex was powerless to stop himself from turning toward her again. He saw his own frustration and sadness mirrored in the eyes that looked back at him.

"All those fellowships are decided by groups that are ninety percent male, Alex. And when they hear rumors about Grey and Yang, they'll think nothing of it, because all of them have probably been involved with a younger female intern or wish they'd had the chance. But those same men, Alex... those same men would hear about you and me, and they'll think you had to sleep with me to get some advantage in the program. It doesn't matter that it's not true, that Derek and Preston are guilty of that and I've never done it with you. It's what people will think, and you'll carry that with you through your whole career. And you are too good a surgeon for me to let that happen to you, especially when it's my job... it's my job, Alex... to look out for you."

It was tragedy, pure and simple... Alex Karev, the guy who didn't care about anything but getting lucky had finally found someone worth everything--worth growing up for, worth fighting for, worth risking for--and it was her job to look out for him... and part of what made him want Addison so much was that she was exactly this person... the one who would do what was right even if it killed them both.

He couldn't say it out loud. The thought hurt badly enough, he couldn't imagine the damage the words would do. But he nodded, letting her know he understood, and she moved into him, wrapping her arms around him.

"So what do we do now?" he asked, truly uncertain as to what the next step was.

Addison pulled back from him, breaking their contact entirely, and stood with her arms crossed in front of her.

"We accept that we care about each other, that we're... attracted to each other. And we accept that we both know it's best if we end it at that. We... work together, and you build your career, and I boss you around, and we... stay friends."

There were arguments left to make, but he could see how resigned she was, and pushing her was only going to make her cry more... and Alex couldn't bear the thought of that.

"Is it okay if I hate this... at least for a while?"

She laughed at that, despite the sadness and the dampness that was still drying on her cheeks.

"It's okay if we both hate it for a good, long while."

He nodded, not sure what else to do or say. They stood silently a few more moments before he mumbled something about her getting home before it got too late. Then Alex watched as she climbed into her car and drove away.

It should've been an amazing feeling to know someone cared enough about him to put him first, to want what was best for him over everything else. It was something he'd never experienced before in his life, and it should've been incredible. But all Alex could feel as he turned and walked toward his own car was that something was wrong with a world where two people could have what he and Addison had discovered and not be allowed to hold on to it.

*****

When Alex Karev had walked through the doors for his first day of his surgical internship, he'd known exactly who was and what he wanted--plastics, a ton of money, a slick apartment, a fast car and a lot of pretty girls to help him while away his free time. He hadn't cared that the image was predictable; that was his plan.

On the day his second year began, the man who strolled into Seattle Grace was far different from the one he'd been 12 months earlier, and the changes suited him. The confidence that had sometimes been nothing more than false bravado was real now, fueled by months of accomplishment and real, intensive learning that had made him a better doctor. He knew he had barely scratched the surface of the things he would learn, of course, but the overwhelming sense of being lost, in over his head--that was gone.

No doubt some of that was just getting through his first year, which hadn't always been a lock. The incident in the elevator when he'd frozen and O'Malley had ended up saving the cop with the hole in his heart, the notation mistake that had basically killed Shepherd's tumor patient, his fight with Burke, his failed boards... any one of those could've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Luckily for him, the next and, he hoped, final big mistake had been at Addison Montgomery's expense, and her reaction had helped to steer him not only on a path as a doctor, but as a person.

He was still honest-to-a-fault Alex Karev, he just knew how to bite his lip now when, perhaps, waiting a few seconds before spoke could save his ass from being punished with scut for mouthing off. He'd learned to pick his battles, which ones were worth fighting.

They were changes that people--well, that his friends, mostly--had been sure wouldn't last. He knew Yang had a pool going on when Alex would go to Sloan prostrate and beg to get back into plastics. Izzie and O'Malley were both convinced he was playing some kind of game, their theories as to what and why changing daily. Meredith mostly spent her time chiding the other three for piping up at all.

But a funny thing had happened to Alex on his way through first year. He'd figured out that the man he'd always wanted to be wasn't the slick womanizer he'd spent years preparing to be. That guy had fun, sure, but he'd also been, at the heart of who he was, alone. And about the time he'd realized he was jealous of a man with a dying heart because he wasn't alone, Alex had realized that perhaps being that guy was no longer such a good deal.

He considered his fellow interns friends, but he put limits on the relationships that still kept them all at arm's length. He was closest to Meredith because they mutually shied away from passing judgment on each other. He cared about Izzie still, but he knew now it had never been love, and their friendship carried the scars of their ill-fated romance, so it never felt easy. Yang pushed him as a doctor, and he respected her talent, but the thing with Burke had changed his feelings about her. And O'Malley... well, he and O'Malley would probably never be "friends," but the guy had been much more tolerable since hooking up with Torres, who Alex liked a lot and who truly, out of the whole group, was the person he liked spending time around the most.

Of course, that might have had something to do with the fact that Callie was good friends with Addison.

Though she'd proven to be nearly as big a thorn in his side as Bailey when it came to bossing him around, it was Addison who had, much to his surprise, made him stop feeling alone. In her, he found someone who cared about his development as a doctor and as a person, and he found a friend who had made her own fair share of mistakes and wasn't about to stereotype him because of his.

She was also a woman, and one whom Alex had found himself attracted to... wildly... and caring for... deeply... despite the fact that she was his attending and he was her intern. And for a brief moment, when he'd realized she felt the same way about him, Alex had felt the hope of a future he'd never imagined for himself. But a mere heartbeat later, it was gone. They'd agreed to it mutually, if regretfully... just friends. That was all they could be to one another outside of the hospital's walls.

In the months since the night of that fateful conversation, Alex had mused more than once that he should ask Derek Shepherd how, exactly, he'd ever managed to fall out of love with the beautiful redhead. Because letting go of his romantic feelings for Addison was proving more difficult than any medical task he'd been asked to take on.

It would've been simple, of course, if he could've treated his friend Addison the way he did his other friends--setting limits to how much of him she got to see, growing distant when he felt in danger of his vulnerabilities being exposed. But it was too late for that. She knew him too well, understood his moods and how to get around his defenses. And even if she had been cautious in those first few awkward days of "just friends," Addison hadn't hidden from him either. She still asked him to sit when he wandered by her early one morning with coffee an hour before rounds started, and they'd managed to share a drink or two at Joe's.

The biggest moment for them had come about two weeks into their new world of boundaries, when she'd thrown O'Malley and Torres a belated wedding celebration dinner.

"A wedding's not official till everyone gets together and celebrates," she'd declared, and though the O'Malleys had hosted a small family dinner, that wasn't exactly the kind of party Addison had in mind. So despite the fact that it meant she would have to spend the night in the company of her ex-husband and his new girlfriend, Alex watched as his boss transformed from world-renowned neonatal surgeon into hard-core party planner.

The result was a dinner party at one of the oldest Mexican restaurants in Seattle. It was one of those places where a historic building had been reclaimed, the façade salvaged in the redesign, and it featured a large courtyard that could be tented for private parties. That candlelit spot became the location of the first official toast to Mr. and Mrs. O'Malley, the congratulations offered by Dr. Bailey, who had everyone in a fit of laughter by the time she sat down next to her husband. And then the margaritas had flowed as plate after plate of amazing food circulated at the tables.

It had been a fabulous party, despite all the tensions that naturally existed between the guests--Izzie and Callie could still barely tolerate each other, but tried for O'Malley's sake, Derek and Meredith and the obvious discomfort that caused Addison, Bailey's barely concealed contempt for Shepherd, and the competitive vibe going on between the three attendings present who all wanted to be chief.

As the partygoers began to take to the dance floor, Alex had started thinking about making an early exit. Dancing wasn't his thing. Salsa certainly wasn't his thing. But before he could make a move to say goodnight, Callie spotted the only two people yet to begin moving to the music.

[i]"Karev, you got a partner right there. Come on, Addison, everyone has to dance. The bride says so."

They looked at each other simultaneously, and Alex was fairly certain her mind was also thinking through ten different methods of escape. But then she walked up to him and reached for his hand.

"Friends dance, right?"

A smile he couldn't stop pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Sure they do," he'd answered. "And if anyone says anything, we can blame Torres."

She'd nodded, and they headed for the dance floor. Thankfully the band that stood between their private party space and the main dining room was playing a slow song, and Alex tried to relax, hoping he didn't look as awkward as he felt. He'd been holding her, trying to concentrate on not pulling her too close, when she'd nervously bitten into her lower lip and said softly, "This should be easier. It needs to get easier."

His face fell as he saw in her eyes what he felt all the time--the fear that it wouldn't get easier at all. He knew there was nothing he could do to permanently chase the hurt away for either of them, but in that moment, he had to do something to make it better.

"Maybe you should buy a house, redecorate it," he said, his voice full of trademark Karev sarcasm. "Isn't that what you society women do when you're trying to distract yourselves?"

She smirked at him, fully aware of what he was doing, but amused anyway.

"You know, I wonder if Sloan needs an intern tomorrow."

He laughed at that. "No, please. Anything but making me go on cappuccino runs."[/i]

The sound of her laughing at his faux desperation stayed with him long after the party had ended and he was home alone, hoping that somehow maybe his approaching vacation would give him the space he needed to find a place of acceptance with "just friends."

A group of his old college buddies had rented a house in Key West for the summer and had extended an open invitation to Alex to join them if he could. He couldn't imagine getting further away from SGH, especially with his limited budget, so with drinking money in hand and a duffle filled with shorts, t-shirts and jeans, Alex had bid farewell to his first year of internship, but not before he stopped at the nurse's desk to say so long to his favorite lady surgeon.

[i]"So I'm heading out."

Addison looked up from the chart she'd been writing in and slid her glasses off, her lips curling into a slight smile.

"Well, have a great time, and rest up because when you get back, you'll be a second year, and I'll have to stop taking it easy on you."

"Right," he said, chuckling. "Because you've been such a cream puff so far."

"Well, I had to lure you into neonatal somehow. Now that you're mine, it's time to turn up the heat."

It was a perfectly innocent conversation, until they both took half a second to think about the double entendre factor of the brief exchange, and suddenly Alex felt like he couldn't get to Florida fast enough.

"So have a good trip," she said, pulling away, clearly as eager to escape as he was.

"Yeah," he replied. "Yeah, I will, and I'll... I'll see you."[/i]

The exchange had played over and over in his head the whole plane ride, and by the time Alex landed, all he'd really wanted to do was get a beer--hell, a six pack--and try to forget Seattle and its redheaded, long-legged complications for just a little while.

His friends were more than happy to accommodate him. For 48 hours, he'd barely had a sober thought, and he had a vague recollection of naked boogie boarding on a dare. When he finally managed to roll out of bed and head for the showers on day three, the pounding in his head told Alex that perhaps he needed to put his party drive in neutral if he was going to last the whole trip. So when his buddies announced they were having a bunch of people over for an afternoon barbecue and volleyball game, Alex begged off and borrowed one of the rented mopeds to make his escape.

The further he got from the frat house vibe of the beach house, the better he felt. Sure, it had been fun to lose himself in that kind of insanity again for a little while, but the truth was, party Alex had been fading away more and more over the past year, and the Alex who didn't mind going in early to try and grab a good surgery was taking over. He'd have thought the change was inevitable except he'd met Mark Sloan, and the man was living proof you never had to grow up just because you became a highly paid, well-respected surgeon. But Alex knew that, perhaps in spite of all his lesser intentions, he was well on the road to shrugging off his immaturity when it came to how he lived his life.

By the time he got back to the house from his day just lazing around Key West, the afternoon party had melted into an evening of loud music and dancing. Bypassing the scene entirely, Alex parked the moped in the garage and took the long way around to the beach. There he found one other escapee from the festivities.

[i]"What's the matter, Mikey, the kids getting' too crazy for you?"

Mike Holland had been Alex's roommate through four years of college and two years of med school before Mike had moved out to marry his high school sweetheart. It really wasn't a surprise to find him away from the noise and the drinking inside given his long-held status as an old married man.

He laughed now as Alex plopped down beside him on the beach.

"I got twins at home quieter than that lot, dude. You want a beer? I brought my private stash out."

"Love one," Alex replied, and Mike reached into a bucket and handed a bottle to him.

"So has it been like this all day?"

Mike nodded. "Pretty much. I gotta say, you had the right idea. If you're breaking outta here tomorrow, you're taking me with you."

"Found a sweet batting cage in town," Alex informed his friend. "If you're up for it, I'm in."

A clink of their beer bottles sealed their agreement to escape party central.

"So, uh, Alex... you ever gonna tell me who she is?"

"Who... what? What are you talking about, dude? There isn't any 'she'."

The laughter he heard coming back at him told Alex that as had always been the case, Mike saw through his weak attempts at keeping his private business private. For six years, he'd never once been able to sneak even a nameless one-night stand past his friend without detection.

"Okay, even if I didn't know you as well as I do," Mike explained, "you've had a parade of girls wearing almost nothing trying to get your attention since you got here, and I have yet to see you give one the time of day. So either you've taken on a change of lifestyle or you, Alex Karev, have fallen hard, hard, hard for some woman that's got you tied up in knots."

"Dude, you're one to talk," Alex countered, hoping to change the subject. "How'd you even get your wife to let you come on this trip?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "Oh, right, 'poor, pitiful married Mike.' You know how awesome Lana is. Hell, she practically packed my suitcase for me. Couldn't wait to have some time off from picking up my dirty clothes."

They both cracked up at that, because they both knew how true it was. Despite all the ribbing Mike had taken for being the first in their group to get hitched, Lana was a great woman, and all the guys liked her.

"So... is she a nurse?" Mike mused. "A hottie who came into the E.R. and fell for your charms?"

Alex sighed and shook his head. "She's a surgeon... an amazing surgeon... and not like anyone you'd ever guess I'd fall for."

"How so?"

Laughing, Alex took a sip of his beer. "She's just... from this whole other planet. Her wardrobe probably costs more than my student loans. She was married to this big shot neurosurgeon and lived in New York, and then her life kind of... imploded, I guess. That's how I met her, when she came out to try to fix things with her jerk of an ex-husband."

"So it didn't work out well, I take it."

Alex shrugged in response to Mike's statement. "Depends on how you see it. I think she's way better off without him."

"And she wouldn't be available if it had worked out."

Mike reached into the bucket and pulled them both out another beer. Alex popped his open, took a sip and then leaned back, staring up at the sky.

"So is she into you, too?" his friend asked.

"Yeah, she is, but we can't... you know, we decided not to hook up. Too complicated."

That made Mike lean over and look at him pointedly.

"As gone as you are on this lady, how can it be too complicated?"

"She's my boss. And she's the attending for the specialty I want to go into, so..."

"Wait, the goddess is a plastic surgeon?"

Alex shook his head. "No. I, uh, I'm done with plastics. I ended up doing some really amazing work with Addison, stuff I didn't even realize you could do till I saw it for myself. And it just... I don't know... it's pretty awesome. So now I'm gonna do neonatal surgery and, uh... and obstetrics."

For a moment, there was silence as Mike stared at him, studying him. Then Alex watched as a wide grin spread across his friend's face.

"What?"

"You," Mike explained. "Did you hear yourself when you said that?"

Confused, Alex felt his eyebrows knit together. "Yeah, so?"

"Man, you used to always say 'I'm gonna be a plastic surgeon' like you'd say 'I'm gonna take a shower.' There was no heart in it. But now... now you sound like a guy who actually cares about where he's going, what he's gonna do."

He couldn't deny it, so Alex simply nodded, acknowledging the truth.

"So... the goddess' name is Addison, huh? Sounds like a New York gal. Bet she's something to see."

"She is," Alex confirmed, "but... I mean, you can't help but notice how beautiful she is. And seriously, dude, she's like... movie star beautiful. But she's also this amazing person who just cares about people. Sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around how much I like her... just, you know, talking to her, being around her. I don't know, man..."

"I know," Mike said. "You are gone, dude. Alex Karev, playboy of the Midwest, is in love."

Alex ignored his buddy's declaration. "I told you, she's my boss."

"So what? So you can't make out in the hallways at work. I mean, what, are you gonna get fired if you two hook up?"

"No."

"Will she?" Mike asked, not letting go.

"No."

"So what's the worst that could happen?"

"Well," Alex said, "she thinks it's me having a black mark on my career forever because people will think I got together with her just to get ahead."

"And what the hell do you care what a bunch of suits think? Hell, in a few years, they'll all be retired or dead. Will it be worth it then for you to not be the guy who fell for his boss if you're watching her be happy with someone else?"[/i]

The question had cemented itself in his mind, and for the rest of Alex's time away from Seattle, the simplicity of it tormented him when he lay quietly at night trying to go to sleep and when he was exercising to try to wear himself out so he could sleep and not think. When he wasn't trying to deal with the reality Mike had painted for him... one where someday Addison got over whatever she was feeling for him and ended up with someone else... he was pulled into thoughts about what she was doing right at the same moment at the hospital--surgery, having lunch, laughing in a corner with Torres and Bailey.

He'd headed home realizing his plan to use his vacation to get some distance between himself and his feelings for Addison was a complete failure. If anything, he'd come back to Seattle Grace in far worse trouble. And he had no idea how he was supposed to maintain their "just friends" boundaries when what he wanted to do was see what would happen if they kissed for the third time. Would it be the charm?

Stealing himself for a healthy dose of ribbing and snarking from his friends, Alex walked through the hospital purposefully steering himself past the surgical board so he could see what was on his favorite attending's schedule. But he stopped and did a double take when he realized that one name was conspicuously absent from the crowded slate of procedures happening that day.

"Karev, you're... you're back."

Callie's voice caught his attention, pulling him away from the board and over to where she stood near the nurses' station.

"Yeah, uh, second year kicks off today. But, um, do you... why isn't Dr. Montgomery's name on the board?"

The brunette regarded him nervously, her eyes darting around, then she grabbed hold of his arm and drew him back toward the record storage room, which sat empty back behind the desk.

"Look, um, I'm pretty sure Bailey was planning to find you and talk to you before rounds, but... Addison's not gonna be on the board for a few days... a week maybe."

Alex felt his stomach tense up as he realized Callie's discomfort wasn't coming from talking to him but about telling him whatever the specific information was she was trying to reveal.

"Is she okay?" he asked, his voice laced with anxiety. "I mean, is she sick or something?"

"She's... in the hospital, Alex." Callie sighed before she went on. "She was mugged yesterday when she was leaving the hotel to go to work."

His mouth went dry. The idea of any woman being hurt sickened him--understandable given his past--but the thought of someone putting their hands on Addison, causing her pain...

"How bad is it?" he managed to choke out.

"She has a pretty severe concussion, and the chief is being cautious, so he's not letting her go home till tomorrow. She, um, has a cut on her face, but Sloan stitched it up and said it shouldn't scar. And she's got some pretty deep bruises. The guy got pretty rough with her."

"Where?" he asked, already starting to walk away.

"Room 1714."

Alex heard Callie call out something about telling Bailey where he was, but he couldn't care about his job or the possibility he might get into trouble. He had to see Addison. He had to see with his own eyes that she was all right.

He was out of breath by the time he reached the private room. The door stood open and inside Alex saw his resident reading a chart. Addison was laying in bed, still asleep, her red hair scattered over the pillow. Alex swallowed hard as he saw the cut Callie had told him about; Sloan's unmistakably precise work had closed the laceration under her left eye. Her left arm, which was bent so her hand was resting on her chest, had bruises in the shape of a hand print just above her wrist.

If someone had asked him to describe the anger he was feeling, he'd have been unable to find the words, and Alex felt the tension in his body skyrocket as he tried to block out vivid memories of the sound of a hand hitting human flesh--the sickening wet thud, the yelp of pain the contact would draw from his mother.

It wasn't until Bailey's voice broke through, chasing the violent, horrifying noises from his mind, that Alex realized his hands were at his sides, balled up into tight fists.

"Alex?"

He forced his eyes away from the sleeping form in the bed and turned them toward the woman who was speaking to him in a voice far gentler than he had ever heard her use before. When she had his attention, she moved toward the door, bringing him out into the hall with her.

"Torres said she got mugged?"

Bailey nodded. "The cops said this guy's been hitting at the upscale hotels all over town, stalking the parking garages. She got called in for an emergency with a patient, so it was early, not many people around."

Alex stole a glance back into the room before returning questioning eyes to the doctor in front of him.

"Did she try and fight the guy or..."

"She handed over her purse and her keys right away. The police said the guy just gets off on hurting people."

His gut ached from the fury those words sent flaring. But Alex struggled to keep his anger in check. He couldn't do anything to stop her from being hurt, so all he could do was focus on what he might be able to do to help Addison now.

"She had a pretty severe headache yesterday, nausea, and her vision was a little blurry till late afternoon," Bailey reported. "She was doing better last night, but the chief already told her in no uncertain terms she's going nowhere until tomorrow."

Alex nodded, grateful at least to hear that there'd already been some improvement in Addison's symptoms.

"What can I do to help?"

He wasn't sure what the answer to his question would be, but Alex had to do something, and he doubted very much that on his first day back at work, his resident was going to clear him to do what he truly wanted to do, which was sit here and watch over Addison until they were absolutely sure it was safe for her to go home.

"The chief thinks it'll help keep her from getting antsy if she's involved with her patients today," Bailey said. "Since you're assigned to her service, I want you to stay in close contact with her--go over charts with her, give her updates on test results, you can even let her go up to the NICU if she's behaving herself. Just do what you can to keep her occupied, and let me know if you see anything concerning throughout the day."

It was an assignment tailor-made for him, especially since Alex couldn't imagine being able to keep his mind on a damn thing not Addison related. He assured Bailey he'd keep his eyes open with regard to his attending's health and that he would stay on top of the patient updates. Of course, for him to do that, he needed to get in gear, get changed and get up to the NICU and perinatal so he could round on Addison's--on their patients--and get that information ready for her.

After setting a nearly world-record pace changing into his scrubs, Alex bolted from the locker room, nearly knocking down Meredith as she made her way into the room.

"Oh, Alex," she said, as she turned to watch his continued movement away from the door. "Did Bailey talk to you?"

"About Addison? Yeah," he said, never stopping his movement. "I have a bunch of stuff I need to do, so I'll see you later."

He was too focused on keeping his promises to Bailey to analyze the look that crossed Meredith's face just before he finally lost eye contact with her.

Rounds gave him info on the six patients under care of Addison's service--two preterm labor cases being treated with meds and monitored, a partial oophorectomy, a set of twins born at 29 weeks and a newborn referred by Mercy West who had been born with a congenital malformation of the intestines. Alex visited the patients, check their lab results and consulted with the surgeons covering the cases since Addison had gone down. He spent extra time with the NICU babies, knowing his attending would be especially concerned about the twins, who were having trouble gaining weight. Then, finally armed with as much information as he felt he could gather for now, he headed back to the hospital room that would effectively be his base of operations for the day.

Addison was awake, sitting up, and apparently trying to climb out of bed.

"Where exactly do you think you're going?"

The head of red hair turned toward him, and Alex felt a knot of anxiety slowly release as the face that he took in reflected the warmth and strength he was so used to despite the ordeal she'd faced.

"You're back," she said, her voice a little shaky, but tinged with something Alex was cocky enough to think was happiness at seeing him.

"I am back, and it's my ass if anything happens to you today, so..." he moved forward, reaching for the blankets she had tossed down toward the end of the bed. "Climb back in there, please."

Addison tried to give him a cross look, but the obvious struggle she was facing to keep herself from smiling undercut her intentions.

"I've already been up, you know? I took a walk in the hall and everything."

Her voice had a defiant edge to it, but as she spoke, the redhead settled herself back into bed and Alex pulled the blankets up over her.

"Well, clearly I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you," he quipped. "The chief's not coming after me 'cause his favorite attending didn't do as she was told and take it easy today and ends up stuck in the hospital even longer."

"All right, all right, point made." Addison sighed and laid back against her pillows. "There, all back in bed, okay?"

The way she was looking at him, Alex could easily imagine what young Addison Montgomery must have looked like when she was trying to get her way with some adult who had the power, if not the will, to say "no" to her. Passing on the chance to kid her more, he sank down onto the edge of the bed. He didn't realize until his skin touched down on hers that he'd reached for her hand.

"Are you okay?"

There was no more hint of teasing in his voice, and he watched her face change with his question, her vulnerability sneaking through.

"I'm okay," she answered with a soft voice. "I felt pretty shaky yesterday, but... today is better."

Alex studied her, weighing the mix of emotions that played out over her features as she spoke, as she nervously glanced down at where their hands sat, still joined together. When she lifted her gaze to meet his, he saw the injuries on her face. The bruising was deeper than he'd thought, the brutality of what she'd endured suddenly more clear, and Alex's throat tightened.

He could have lost her.

Moving slowly, he brought his free hand up to cup her chin, turning her face slightly so he could eye the sutures used to close the cut under her eye.

"Sloan brought his A-game, huh?"

That earned him a smile.

"From what I heard, because I was a little too out of it to enjoy the moment, Derek and Mark were both falling all over themselves trying to out do each other at taking care of me. Never let it be said I don't know how to get the boys' attention."

Alex chuckled, picturing the scene in his mind. He could laugh at the image, but he knew had he been present, there would have been nothing amusing about any scenario in which Addison was hurt.

"Any more nausea today?" he asked. She shook her head in reply.

"No, and I remember all the relevant historical facts--name, birthday, year I graduated from college, who's President, who should've been President."

He chuckled again and nodded. "Okay, I'm convinced. You're okay."

"I'm okay," she echoed, but something in her voice made him question if she really believed it. Before he had the chance to ask her, though, Addison pushed the conversation forward.

"So you're supposed to distract me with patient updates, yes?"

He was, and so he did, and Alex quickly fell into the role of harried intern as Addison gave him detailed instructions for follow-up on their patients and on the messages she wanted taken to the doctors covering for her. By the time they were finished, he had a list to keep him busy for a good few hours, and Addison was trying hard to cover up how quickly the morning had drained her energy.

"Oh, and can you bring me my laptop? Thank goodness I left it here. It's in my office."

Seeing an opening, Alex stood and flashed her a trademark Karev smirk.

"I will bring you the laptop in exchange for... two hours of sleep."

"I'm not tired," she spat back, petulance obvious in her voice.

"Of course you're not tired, but you could just... pretend. You know, give it a good show so that when Bailey comes by, and you know she will, it looks like I'm doing a good job of keeping an eye on you today."

Addison sighed and leaned back against her pillows. "Fine, but I'm not tired."

"Of course you're not."

He waited in the hall two minutes before poking his head back in the door. She was sound asleep.

Alex's plan to make quick work of the case follow-up he'd promised Addison he'd take care of was foiled almost from the word go. The smaller of the twins began to have trouble breathing, and Alex ended up needing to monitor him for several hours. When he realized he was in danger of breaking his promise to deliver the laptop, he paged Callie and asked her to take care of dropping it off. He saw that the mission had been accomplished when he finally made it back to Addison's room to find her clicking away on the computer. But before he could ask her what she was working on so earnestly, his pager went off. Twenty minutes later, he was working with Dr. Pollock on an emergency c-section for one of their preterm labor patients.

Finally free, Alex headed for the deli across the street to pick up some food for himself and a chicken salad on whole wheat for Addison. But when he made it to her room, he saw that the chief and Burke were both already there, food from some fancy restaurant spread over assorted hospital trays. Quietly making his way past the room, Alex headed to the privacy of the basement hallway to eat his sandwich in peace.

It was early evening by the time Addison's room was unoccupied again while she was awake and Alex was actually not on his way to answer a page or to pick up labs or answering questions from concerned patients. She was sitting up in bed, her black glasses perched on her nose, the right corner of her mouth pulled up as she studied something on the laptop screen with great intensity.

"Did you eat dinner yet?"

She looked up and smiled at him, and Alex felt the frustrations of the day melt away.

"I have not because I've been too busy spending a small fortune online."

Stepping into the room, Alex pulled the brown bag he'd stored in the nurses' refrigerator earlier from behind his back and held it out towards her.

"Chicken salad on whole wheat, though I did pick it up earlier, so it might be a little soggy."

Addison reached for the bag, her smile widening.

"Soggy can't ruin good chicken salad. I'll take it."

He couldn't help but chuckle as she shifted the laptop to her right on the portable tabletop in front of her so she could open the sandwich. As she took a bite, savoring it, he leaned in to eye what she'd been so fascinated by on the computer screen.

"Bedroom furniture?"

She nodded as Alex pulled the chair next to her bed closer and sat down.

"Yes, I suddenly find myself in need of some, and soon."

"So... does that mean no more hotel?" he asked. "Not that I'd want..." He caught himself and quickly rephrased his statement. "Not that any of us would want you to go back there after..."

Addison finished another bite of sandwich, but nodded her understanding.

"Yeah, I, uh... I'd actually been looking at moving anyway. Actually, since we talked about it..."

Her voice faded out as she realized just when they had spoken about it, her avoidance of his gaze confirmation that Addison remembered the night of their last kiss and their "just friends" denouement.

"So, uh, where... are you moving, I mean?" he asked, trying to end the silence that had fallen between them.

"The, uh... that refurbished downtown building, the Sonoma? I'd stopped in last week and they have this terrific loft. I signed a lease, but I was going to wait to move in until... well, until this."

She went on, explaining that she'd asked Callie to pick up her keys since the newly redesigned apartment was ready for move-in. But with every piece of furniture she actually owned still in New York-based homes, Addison had spent today ordering several pieces from shops so high end, they didn't blink at the idea of delivering something in less than 24 hours to a good customer.

"I just need to pick the bed and I'm done for now," she explained. "I'll have the basics--linens, dishes, glasses, chairs for people to sit in, a TV. So I just need a place to sleep."

She had finished her dinner, thanking him at least three times for bringing her favorite sandwich to save her from the baked chicken dinner on the hospital menu. With the mess cleaned up, she now slid the laptop back in front of her, and Alex stood and leaned against the bed to get a better view of what she was shopping for.

"A canopy?" he asked, and Addison shrugged.

"I thought it was pretty, but it's not my first choice. Actually, it's third on the list. It's really between this one..." She clicked her mouse and brought up a picture of a king-sized walnut sleigh bed. "Or this one." She clicked again and revealed an equally large cherry platform bed that had carving made to look like a weave in the headboard.

"What do you think?"

He glanced away from the computer toward her and found her staring at him, waiting for his answer. The last thing he needed was to be thinking about what kind of bed this woman he was not supposed to be wanting was going to be sleeping in for the foreseeable future, not to mention what else she might be doing in it with people who were not interns or "just friends." Still, he did see her, saw her comfortable and asleep, safe, dreaming, with no bruises on her face or arms, no cut that had to be stitched together.

"The platform one seems more like you," he said, their gaze remaining unbroken as he spoke. "It's... I mean, you, you know, you have expensive stuff, but you're not... fussy. You make simple look... amazing."

Before either of them could say anything else, Bailey and Torres arrived to help formulate a master plan for Addison's discharge and move from hotel to apartment, and Alex took the opportunity to slip out before one of the ridiculously sharp women noticed that he couldn't stop staring at their redheaded friend.

Addison was gone by the time he arrived at the hospital the next day, and Alex felt his spirits sink at the prospect of not knowing when he might see her again. He reminded himself that he wasn't supposed to care when he saw her again, or at least, he wasn't supposed to care this much. Attending, mentor, friend--yes, he cared about the person who filled those roles, but he wasn't suppose to "care" about her. But Torres had said earlier Addison was probably off the surgical schedule for the rest of the week, and the idea of not seeing her that long put a dark humor on him he was sure would last all day.

Then he saw the note that had been slipped into his locker, eyed the handwriting, and felt his bad mood melt away.

"Hey, sorry not to say good-bye, but I got Adele to agree to help me pack up at the hotel, and since I really wanted to talk to her about Richard, I got him to let me leave early. Callie and Bailey and their respective husbands are coming by to help me get settled later, so if you want to come see the new place, here's the address. Talk to you soon, and thank you for the chicken salad. Addison."

Alex folded the piece of paper and slipped it into the pocket of his lab coat. Later, as casually as he could manage, he approached Torres and O'Malley and offered to bring over some takeout later for when they were all helping "Dr. Montgomery" get settled. He noticed Callie's lifted eyebrow at his use of Addison's proper title, but she refrained from commenting aloud and they agreed on pizza for dinner.

The best laid plans, however, have a way of being destroyed by emergencies. When the smaller twin he'd been caring for in the NICU began to weaken, Burke decided the baby's heart procedure couldn't be delayed any longer, and he'd barely had time to call Torres about the change in his plans before he was in the O.R. with Burke and Dr. Pollock for what turned into a seven-hour surgery. The baby somehow pulled through, and by the time he'd been able to leave the hospital, he was four hours late for dinner and the planned moving in/housewarming festivities.

He knew Addison would understand. If anything, she'd be relieved to know he'd been there in the surgery so he could give her a full report. But he hated that he hadn't been a part of her homecoming, of seeing her surrounded by her friends. Especially after what she'd been through, the chance to see her out of the hospital, hopefully smiling and happy, was something he'd been looking forward to, and now...

The clock read 10:07. Alex pulled Addison's note from his pocket and read it over again. Then he made a snap decision, rushing to the all-night bakery on the corner before he made the trip to the address he'd already memorized. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on the front door hoping he wasn't making a mistake. When the portal opened, he was met with a redhead in cream colored silk pajamas and her hair pulled up into a ponytail.

All of Alex's nerves melted away as Addison's lips parted into a wide smile.

"Hey, you."

"Hey," he replied, a grin turning up the corners of his mouth. "I know it's late, but..."

"No, I'm... I'm up. Come on in."

Alex stepped into the apartment and scanned it as Addison closed the door behind them. She hadn't been kidding about only buying what she needed. The enormous dining room was clearly the designated "sit it here for now" area, with assorted boxes and suitcases taking up the space, and the living room, the only other room visible from the entry, had a
large couch, two chairs and a coffee table.

"It's a mess, I know," she said, stepping beside him, "but I want to take my time. Tonight was just bare necessities, you know?"

"I don't blame you," he said, turning toward her. "You haven't really had a place you felt at home since you moved here. So this should be just the way you want it."

That earned him another smile, one accompanied by that softness in her eyes that made it so hard for Alex to focus on how they weren't supposed to be more than friends.

"What's in the box?"

Her question jarred him, and he looked down at the pink box he held.

"Dessert. Since I missed dinner, I figured... well, nothing says I'm sorry like chocolate blackout cake, right?"

Addison laughed and took him by the arm, steering him toward the living room.

"You sit, I'll get forks and milk -- and then you can tell me all about the surgery."

That's exactly what they'd done, and by the time Addison was ready to stop denying she was tired and needed to sleep, it was late, and she insisted he stay on the couch.

The next morning, he took her to breakfast before he headed into the hospital. And then when Addison came by to get cleared to come back to work, she caught up with him "just to get an update on their patients." Somehow the next day, Addison's first back at work, they ended up decided to pass on Joe's when the SGH crowd headed there and instead pick up Chinese and work on unpacking the apartment more. Again it got late, the hours passing with them doing a lot of talking and laughing and very little unpacking, and again, Alex slept on the couch, and in the morning he found a half dozen reasons to drag out leaving before finally racing home to shower and get ready for rounds.

For five days, Alex told himself that he was doing for Addison what he'd have done for Izzie or Meredith if they had been hurt and lived all alone. He was just being good company, taking care of a friend. That's what you did in situations like this. It was natural to be concerned, to feel like he didn't want to leave and that he couldn't wait for the day to be done so that he could just sit quietly with her and listen to the sound of her voice and try to figure out how her day had gone during the times he wasn't at her side in surgery or with a patient.

Sure, he'd never shown that level of interest in any of his other friends... but he didn't let himself think about that too much.

Six days after Alex came home to Seattle, he showed up at Addison Montgomery's door about an hour after they'd both gotten off of work. He'd been delayed solely because he'd decided if he avoided having a drink with his fellow interns another day, they'd start following him to figure out what he was up to off hours. So he'd headed to Joe's, had one beer, and then begged off with talk of being behind on laundry, telling his friends he'd regret it if he had to start wearing dirty socks to work. Yang had practically spit out her beer on him and pushed him out the door after that comment.

He laughed at the memory of the look on Cristina's face as he knocked on Addison's door. When she didn't answer right away, he looked at the block of wood quizzically, wondering why it wasn't opening. Then finally he heard the locks click and a moment later, she was standing in front of him, the sleek black skirt and cashmere sweater she'd worn earlier replaced by a pair of flowered cotton pajama bottoms and a blue tank top. He smiled, ready to tease her about the colorful pants until he saw her face.

The redness in her eyes stopped him cold.

"Addison, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, waving him in. He came inside, sitting his bag down on the side table he'd helped her move in two days earlier. When he turned to try to look at her, she moved toward the living room, her face shielded from him.

"Addison... what is going on? Were you crying?"

"I'm fine, Alex," she lied, the hesitancy in her voice giving her away. "I just... I... we need to talk."

She finally stopped moving as she reached the far window in the living room, the one that she loved because it gave her the perfect spot to watch the sunrise. Alex was careful to give her space, sensing that she was struggling with something and that he needed to hear her out, whatever it was.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, so talk."

"That's just it," she said, still keeping her eyes glued to the view. "You need to go."

The words were softly spoken, but their impact on him couldn't have been stronger if she'd thrown a brick with them etched into the stone.

"What are you... why would you want me to go?"

He waited, but Addison remained silent, the slump in her shoulders growing more pronounced as her head dropped and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Addison, if you want me to leave, you're going to have to tell me why. Did I... do I do something..."

"No." Her reply came quickly and finally her eyes shifted toward him. The redness was so bright against the blue green. It looked painful, and it looked like she'd done nothing but cry since he'd last seen her.

"You didn't do anything, Alex, except be... wonderful to me. That's the problem."

A bitter laugh tore out of him. "My being good to you is a problem?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, it is. It's an impossible, horrible problem."

Alex wanted to yell at her that she was being ridiculous, but he doubted that would get him anywhere, so instead he crossed his own arms, mirroring her defensive pose, and looked at her, waiting for an explanation. They played a childish game of Stare Down until finally Addison spoke, her tone full of exasperation.

"You cannot be this guy, Alex. You just can't. Because we're not... we agreed, remember? Just friends... just friends! And I've tried so damn hard to be unselfish and to tell myself that the way I feel will go away, and I thought maybe... while you were gone, I thought maybe I was finally starting to believe that."

He held his tongue, needing to hear what else she would say because more than anything--more than annoyed or angry or hurt--he was shocked that she was saying all the same things that had been running through his mind for months.

"Then you come back here and... and you're... you! You come in and you make me laugh and you come to my new half-empty apartment and you make it feel warm and comfortable just by being here, and you..."

She trailed off, seemingly unsure if she wanted to keep exposing this much truth. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"I'm waiting to hear a good reason why I need to leave."

"God, you are so infuriating!"

She stalked across the room, and for a minute, Alex thought she was going to hit him, but instead she spun around on her heel and put space between them again.

"I was laying there in that stupid hospital, all bruised and beat up and for the first time in years, Derek is acting like I actually matter to him and Mark is falling all over himself trying to be there for me... I have friends... actual friends in Seattle, the city that clearly hates me... and Miranda and Callie couldn't possibly have been better to me, and Richard... but I'm laying there and all I wanted..."

Alex felt his mouth fall open as he fully took in what Addison was saying. He let his arms drop now, relaxed, and he felt his whole posture soften as he realized what was happening. He took a step toward her, ready to speak, to say something he hoped would help, but she shook her head and moved back from him.

"I can't want that, Alex. We agreed. You know I'm right about what'll happen, how people will see us... and I'm supposed to do what's best for you... for you. But all I wanted when I was hurt was you, and now you're here, and I get sad when you leave and I am starting to need you to come back, and that's... that's not just friends!"

He heard every word she said, but at some point, Alex's mind split in two, one side listening to her arguments against their feelings, the other remembering a sobering question he'd heard not so long ago.

[i]"Will it be worth it then for you to not be the guy who fell for his boss if you're watching her be happy with someone else?"[/i]

Mike's words sounded in his head, and Alex knew the answer with absolute certainty. More importantly, he felt all the masks he'd put around his actions for the last week slip away. He wasn't just taking care of a friend; he wasn't doing what he'd do for anyone else in his life. Nothing he did or said or felt when it came to Addison was like anything he did or said or felt for anyone else, and he was sick and tired of denying it, of denying why it was the truth.

She was still arguing, tears on her face, her voice growing more upset as she tried to convince the both of them that they were crossing a line they couldn't cross. Alex stepped toward her, undaunted when she stepped back because he knew it was only a matter of time before she ran out of room to run.

"Alex, please, listen to me..."

Addison gasped as her back bumped against the living room wall. He heard her make the sound again when his right hand moved behind her head and his fingers threaded through her hair. And then they were kissing for the third time, his lips finding hers, holding fast as she made one last attempt to resist before she softened against him. Alex pulled her to him tightly then, his other arm wrapping around her waist. He made a small gasp of his own as he felt Addison's arms encircle him in a sign of surrender.

There was one long, deep kiss and then there were smaller kisses, and Alex realized in a matter of minutes that they were definitely done being able to count the times this had happened between them. The thought drew a grin from him, and he pulled back from her to catch his breath and to look at the woman who had successfully turned every aspect of his life upside down, yet had brought it all into incredible focus at the same time.

"For the record," he purred, the desire their kisses had left behind still affecting him, "you and I are not just friends."

Addison took in a breath and parted her lips, clearly ready to try to argue despite his declaration, but Alex ended her efforts with another kiss.

"I know you're right," he admitted after finally pulling away again. "I know people will say ugly things about us, and I know it might affect the way some surgeons will look at me later. But you know what, Addison? The people whose opinions matter are gonna know better. Bailey's gonna know how hard you made me work and how it made me respect you, and the Chief will know that you are the queen of fair play and never gave me preferential treatment. If I get fewer fellowship offers, then fine, I do, because wherever I go, they're gonna want me because I learned from the best and that matters more than a bunch of stupid gossip."

He paused, not due to uncertainty but to just take a moment to acknowledge the enormity of what he was doing. But it felt too right to be a mistake.

"And I'm not just another intern sleeping with an attending. I'm the man who loves you."

Alex wasn't sure what he'd expected her reaction to be once his confession had been voiced, all he knew was that he hoped it would be an end to this fight against what they both wanted and needed. So he watched and waited as she processed his words. A small gasp slipped past her lips, and then she just looked at him intently, almost as if she was studying him, trying to decide if he was sincere or, he mused, if he'd maybe lost his mind. But then her hand rose up and caressed his cheek, and Alex felt the tenderness of that long ago touch at Joe's flow through him again, and he let his eyes flutter shut as Addison leaned into him, her face burrowing into his neck.

"I love you, too."

He could barely hear the words, but it didn't matter that they were a soft whisper... he'd heard them.

The months of wishing he could kiss her had built up such a reservoir of need and want in him that Alex wasn't able to stay in the quiet embrace for long. His lips sought hers again, this time meeting no resistance, and then he seized the opportunity to kiss the skin along her jawline and at the hollow of her neck.

The freedom to finally actually give in to all his impulses to touch her was only matched by the overwhelming sensation of feeling Addison's kisses find the sensitive spots on his own body, like the placed just above his barely exposed collarbone that sent his mind swimming. And when her hands slipped under his shirt and pressed against his bare back, he heard himself moan just before a giggle from her reached his ears.

"Oh, you think you're cute, huh?"

He had pulled away from her just enough to catch the now playful expression on her face.

"I think I'm insane... but you made me this way. So you have to suffer the consequences."

He laughed, pulling her back against him, his lips eagerly chasing away whatever reason they both had left as he started to move them away from the wall and toward the couch. When Alex felt his knees against the edge, he sank down on it, holding tight to her so she wouldn't fall as they moved.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, though, when he heard her yelp in pain as they landed against the couch.

Alex eased her away from him and sat up, the passion of a moment ago evaporating under the weight of his concern.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Addison shook her head, but she struggled to steady her breath after the sudden jolt of pain.

"Bruises," she said finally, her hand squeezing his. "I forgot how deep some of the bruises are, and when we landed, your arm just caught one. But I'm okay. I just need to catch my breath."

"God, Addison, I'm sorry."

She smiled at him and again he felt that amazing touch against his cheek.

"Hey, enough of that, okay? I'm just sorry to be a mood killer."

Moving carefully, Alex pulled Addison into his arms, slowly easing them onto the couch. She settled her head on his chest, and then he began to rub his left hand up and down her back.

"You know, considering you were trying to break up with me half an hour ago, I think ending up on the couch with you in any way is a win, so..."

She laughed, the action sending vibrations through his whole body. But then she moved, and he was about to protest until she settled her chin on his chest and her eyes found his.

"I'm still going to worry about you, you know? So I'm just warning you now, if you think you didn't get special treatment before..."

"I can take it," he told her. "In fact, I kinda miss you yelling at me sometimes."

She smiled, but he could see she was being serious, and he sighed.

"Addison, you and I are still you and I, and I'll probably still be an ass sometimes and piss you off, and so you'll yell at me, and sometimes you'll push me because you know I need it, and I'll get mad, and then I'll see why you did it and learn from it and get over it. We're still Karev and Montgomery. Just... I get to hold you like this now at the end of the day."

She nodded and laid her head back down, her body curling even more tightly against him. They stayed there together like that, just enjoying finally being together for a long while, so long in fact, Alex started to wonder if his redhead had drifted off to sleep.

"Hey, Alex."

"Yeah."

"Thank you for not letting me break up with you."

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before wrapping his arms snuggly around her body.

"You're welcome."

******

Epilogue


Twelve days after he admitted he was in love with Addison Montgomery, Alex Karev woke up hesitantly, worried that he'd perhaps just had the most vivid dream imaginable, but the hint of vanilla in the air from the numerous candles that had given their lives for his romantic efforts convinced him reality had won out. He opened his eyes slowly and though it was still dark, there was no way he could miss the alabaster form that lay beside him in the large platform bed.

When their first night together had ended up with no more than snuggling when Addison's injuries from the mugging proved still to sore for much more than that, Alex hadn't really anticipated that it would be nearly two weeks before they had the chance to really give themselves to each other, but in retrospect, it had been for the best.

They had taken advantage of the forced celibacy to discuss how they wanted to handle their relationship in terms of the hospital. Neither was crazy about becoming another Seattle Grace soap opera like Meredith and Derek or Yang and Burke; they'd both had enough of that in their prior entanglements with Derek and Izzie. But they did want to be up front with the chief because they both respected him, and everyone knew how much it had upset him to have Shepherd hide his relationship, though Alex suspected that had a lot more to do with how he felt about Derek being married to Addison at the time than the intern/attending aspect of the situation.

Addison had gone to talk to the chief on her own. Alex had resisted at first, but she'd convinced him it was best because on top of letting the chief know about them, she was going to formally withdraw herself from consideration to replace him. That news had threatened to cause a minor argument until she explained it was because now that she'd given in to how she felt about him, she wanted to have the time to really be with him, and being chief wasn't going to give her that. Alex hated to see her pass up the job when he knew she'd be amazing at it, but she seemed content with the decision, and just as she had to accept he was willing to take heat from their peers for being with her, he had to accept she was making the best decision for herself regarding her own career.

But Alex had something he wanted to say to Webber as well, and so after he was sure Addison's conversation with the chief had taken place, the intern sought out his boss and asked for a minute of his time.

[i]"I, uh, I know you spoke with Dr. Montgomery..."

Chief Webber nodded. "I did. I told her I appreciated being shown the respect of knowing what was going on. And I told her I know everyone here has nothing but respect for how fair she is to the staff--all the staff--even the members of it who slept with her ex-husband. I don't expect to note any change in that."

"You won't, Sir," Alex promised. "But I just wanted you to know that we did... Addison especially... we tried really hard to walk away. And she's warned me about what I might have to deal with down the line, but... sometimes something in your life is just worth whatever risks you gotta take. And she's worth it to me, Sir. So I just wanted you to know that."

The chief nodded and leaned forward, his elbows resting on the desk, his scrutiny making Alex feel a little like a kid in the principal's office.

"You're not at all who I thought you were gonna be when I met you, Dr. Karev."

Alex chuckled and shrugged. "I'm not at all who I thought I was going to be then either, Sir. But I think it's all worked out how it was supposed to."

The chief stood and came around his desk, stopping just close enough to make the younger man's space feel encroached upon.

"Addie's like a daughter to me. So you just... take care of her, okay?"

"That," Alex said easily, "I can promise, Sir, absolutely."[/i]

After their talks with the chief, had come the talk they were both dreading... the one with Miranda Bailey where they were no doubt going to get scolded like errant teenagers. Alex had offered to take the hit first, since Addison had dealt with the chief, but in the end, they'd done it together, Addison inviting Bailey to lunch outside the hospital as a cover.

[i]"Oh, Lord, let me guess," the resident said as she approached the table to find she had two luncheon companions instead of one. "Y'all are gonna make it a clean sweep so I don't have a single intern who hasn't slept with or fallen for someone they technically shouldn't be sleeping with for falling for."

"We haven't slept together yet if that helps," Addison quipped, her hand reaching for Alex's as she spoke. "Not that we're putting it off indefinitely, but we haven't yet."

"It does not help," Bailey informed them, the look on her face stern. "Because I really did not need to know that, nor do I need to know the details when you finally do whatever you do. Now you..."

Alex felt his mouth go dry as the notorious resident turned her eyes toward him.

"Ma'am."

"Don't you 'ma'am' me, you just listen. I knew your foolish ass was fallin' for her just like I knew she was fallin' for you. Can't help that, I guess. So you just remember to keep it professional while you're at work, and you remember who her friends are if you think about doing something stupid."[/i]

Alex had teased Addison later, asking if anyone she knew was going to forget to threaten him with bodily injury if he hurt her.

Torres knew, which was tricky because it meant O'Malley knew and they weren't quite ready for the onslaught of all the other interns finding out, but perhaps because he'd had to deal with so many bad attitudes about his own marriage, George had been unexpectedly cool about the whole thing, congratulating Alex and promising to keep their secret.

With their relationship revealed to the people they had to let it on the secret, Alex and Addison had moved on to focusing on the semantics of the pairing itself. There was a balance to be found between being professional and wanting to kiss your girlfriend while you walked back to work from lunch, and now that they were largely spending whole days together, they had more to learn about each other's moods and those hidden signals that asked for space, comfort, attention. He had a feeling he'd still be decoding all the nuances that made up Addison forty years from now, and he found just the idea of that made him smile.

But they still hadn't made love before last night not just because they'd had details to work out or because they were enjoying the other aspects of being "Alex and Addison," even if they had and were. Their increased closeness, the constant contact and the freedom they both felt now to let each other into some of the darker, more painful parts of their hearts had brought them to a hard, long night when Alex had playfully grabbed Addison from behind in the kitchen, planning to seduce her then and there only to have her recoil away from him like he'd burned her with a hot piece of metal.

It had taken him a minute to get past the shock of her reaction to realize what was causing it, and once he understood, Alex had moved cautiously towards her, coaxing Addison toward him until she was in his embrace, her tears soaking his shirt as she finally stopped trying to be "fine" and faced how frightening the mugging had really been. Later, when she had questioned how horrified he looked when she had pulled away from him, Alex admitted that the way she'd reacted to him had reminded him of his childhood, of the way his mother would sometimes look when his father went after her.

That night, they had held each other tightly as they both tried to ward the other's bad dreams away, but just being together had been the comfort they needed, and again their desire had been put on hold.

They'd made other thwarted attempts to finally form the physical bond they were both craving, but there seemed to always be a pager beeping or a cell phone ringing, and Addison had started joking that they were going for a record for abstinence between two people who worked together at Seattle Grace.

Yesterday, though, he'd been making notes in a chart at the desk when she had come up behind him. Alex had felt her lean in just a little bit more than she'd normally consider appropriate, and her chin had come very close to just leaning on his shoulder--so close, he'd been able to feel her breath on his neck.

"Are you doing anything after work tonight?"

Her voice was absolute vocal seduction, the timbre and volume sending a hum through his entire body. Alex had forced himself to keep his eyes on the chart in front of him for fear that if he looked at her, he might wander into decidedly unprofessional territory.

"Having dinner with a friend," he said, and she laughed.

"Ah. I hear there's a great new Indian place over on Savoy. You should try it."

He knew he must have had a smirk a mile wide on his face as she walked away.

Alex had never been one for the big, romantic gesture, but he'd also never expected to feel the way he did about this woman, and as the day had worn on, he decided to try and make the night special in case the universe finally smiled on them and let them get through a night without interruption. Enlisting Callie's services as a distraction, Alex had bought himself about an hour after their shift ended to put his plans into action. He stopped at the Indian place and picked up dinner after a quick stop at the bed and bath store.

When Addison came home, it was to an apartment decorated with vanilla scented candles, bathed in their warm light. The smile she'd given him had helped boost his confidence, but he still worried that it was all a little too cheesy, and he'd even said so out loud.

"It's lovely and thoughtful," she'd countered, "and I will add the fact that you cared enough to do this to the growing list of reasons I love you."

The fact that she made him feel heroic for lighting candles... he added that to the list of reasons he loved her.

The night itself had been incredible, and Alex marveled that as intense as the pleasure was of finally making love to Addison, the emotions let loose for him in the aftermath as he held her in his arms were even stronger.

He knew things wouldn't always be like they were now; there would be times they'd be angry and times they wouldn't like each other and even times when the hard parts would seem too hard. But Alex knew they would get through it. He knew because his future was about this woman and about being a great neonatal surgeon and about them coming home together from long days at work to little kids with red curls and crooked grins.

"What are you smiling about?"

Alex looked down, back in his present, and found Addison looking up at him.

"You don't think I have something to smile about?" he asked, his voice low and seductive.

She laughed and reached for him, pulling him down to her.

"I think Miranda is going to kill us both because the smiles on our faces today are gonna make what we did all night pretty damn obvious."

Alex winked at her as he stretched his body out long against hers.

"I'm willing to take the heat if you are."

She used her hands to bring his face closer to hers, their lips meeting, and Alex let his thoughts about the future melt away as he focused on the present and on savoring every moment of the life he was living, one as different as it was from any life he might have planned before Addison had come along and looked at him... really looked... and let him see himself through her eyes.

He'd have to remember to tell her that that was the top reason on his list for why he loved her.

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