Mark leaned against the counter in Meredith Grey's kitchen and sipped at a cup of coffee. The house was quiet despite the number of people that filled it, and while he wasn't sure who was upstairs sitting with Izzie, he knew that Addison, Karev, Meredith, Yang and O'Malley were circulating somewhere within the various rooms.

Derek had reluctantly headed back to Seattle Grace when he was unable to reschedule an afternoon surgery. Some part of Mark had almost laughed at the picture of Derek not wanting to leave Addison alone in a time of crisis given the countless times he had done just that a lifetime ago in New York. Mark could see, though, that those times and that Derek were a thing of the past. He had seen it not only here as Derek tried to watch out for Addison in the midst of Izzie's grief, but also at the hospital when they had set out to fulfill the promise Mark had made to her in the minutes following Denny Duquette's death.

Only moments after Addison had disappeared into the elevator, Mark had passed the surgical board and noted that the chief was not scheduled to be an O.R. till later that afternoon. That sent him in search of Derek, who he found in the lounge pounding on the keyboard of his laptop.

[i]"Hey, uh, you seen the chief?"

"Richard?" Derek asked, glancing up from his work. "Why are you looking for Richard?"

"I told Addison I'd find him."

That got the other man's full attention.

"Is she all right? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No, no, nothing like that. Derek, she's fine," Mark said, trying to be reassuring as he moved into the room fully, letting the door close behind him. "She needs your help though."

"What's going on?"

"Denny Duquette passed away. Addison and Miranda are with Izzie, but you know how hard they've worked to keep the whole thing between Stevens and Denny under the chief's radar..."

"And they want me to keep Richard busy?"

Mark nodded. "She said she'd call you when the coast was clear."

His message delivered, the next item on Mark's agenda had been to return to his office and go back to staying out of Addison and Derek's way on what gone from a hard day to a tragic one. But as he waited for the elevator to arrive, he felt a hand on his arm, and he looked up to see his former friend at his side.

"Just follow my lead."

Derek's eyes were focused on the end of the hall and Mark glanced that direction before responding to the neurosurgeon's command. Richard Webber was speaking to one of the scrub nurses.

"Richard, do you have a minute?"

The chief looked up at the sound of Derek's voice and motioned that he'd be available in one moment. Mark took that beat to glance at the man to his side as they both began to walk down the hall.

"Can you give me a hint here?"

"You remember Duncan Gruggio?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, the military surgeon we met in the Hamptons."

"That's your hint."

That was all the exchange they had time for before they were standing in front of the chief, who looked more than a little concerned to see these two particular attendings together.

"Should I be looking for someone to help me pull you two apart?"

Derek shook his head. "No, actually, I--we had something we wanted to run by you."

Picking up on the emphasized "we," Mark jumped in quickly.

"Yeah, we--you know, we, uh, we figured you wouldn't believe it was our idea unless we told you together. Right, Derek?"

"Yes, absolutely."

Webber looked at them cautiously, but with an undeniable interest.

"All right, so let me hear this great idea that's actually got the two of you speaking to one another."[/i]

It was at that point that Mark had suggested they go get coffee as a way of buying Derek more time to plot whatever story he was weaving together. And what a tale he'd spun. Somehow by the end of it, Richard knew all about how Derek and Mark had met up with Captain Duncan Gruggio while all three men sought relief from a wedding reception they'd been obligated to attend in the Hamptons four years ago. Addison had been in the wedding, the groom was a friend of both Derek and Mark's and Duncan was the bride's cousin.

The three surgeons shared stories and two bottles of champagne they had commandeered prior to their escape. A nice camaraderie had developed between the men, and when the New Yorkers learned that Californian Duncan was using his leave time trying to arrange a pro-bono surgery for an Afghani orphan that had basically been adopted by his field hospital staff, their interest was piqued. The boy had a large cranial tumor that had caused a facial disfigurement, and his condition had reached the point where Duncan feared he might not survive if the tumor weren't significantly reduced or removed, but it was a procedure that would require a lengthy recovery. The captain had finally gotten clearance to bring the child over to the States for surgery, but the preliminary plans he'd set up were now on hold because the neurosurgeon had become ill.

Two weeks later, Mark and Derek removed the tumor that had left half of Diya's face
misshapen--Derek preserving as much nerve function as he could in the affected areas while Mark recreated as normal a bone structure as possible. In return for their help, Duncan had taught a trauma surgery workshop for the hospital's interns that was still talked about as one of the best instruction modules the surgical unit had ever seen.

Mark learned in the discussion with Richard that Derek and Duncan had kept in touch via e-mail, and the recent military retiree had taken a job at Children's Hospital in Los Angeles. The "great idea" that Derek had managed to conjure up out of thin air was to invite Duncan north to teach a similar trauma surgery workshop to what he'd done in New York. Richard, who was good friends with the chief in LA, needed little to sell him on the idea beyond the endorsement of his two attendings, and the three had still been talking when Derek's cell phone buzzed.

[i]"They need me to check a CT," Derek said, rising as he put his cell back in his pocket. "But I can go ahead and call Duncan, see what his availability is."

"Do that," Richard agreed, "and then I'll call down and speak with his chief, make sure we're not stepping on any toes with the invitation. Good idea, you two. It almost makes me think you might be able to work together without any more bruises being exchanged."

Mark waited until the chief was gone before he leaned closer to Derek.

"Addison?"

Derek nodded. "They're in the locker room. Bailey's on her way to tell the chief about Denny."

For a moment they stood there uncertainly, neither sure what came next. It had been a long time since they'd spent more than a few angry or awkward moments together; they'd been talking with Richard for nearly an hour now, and doing it sharing what felt like genuine warmth and amusement. It felt alien and at the same time, it felt very much like old times.

"Addie's going to want to get her home," Derek said finally, breaking the silence. "You know how she is."

"We'll have to..." Mark stopped himself, realizing that grouping himself into anything involving Addison and Derek was an old habit he needed to break. "You'll need to keep an eye on her, make sure she's taking care of herself, too. You should go over there with her."

Derek drew in a deep breath and looked at him, the scrutiny almost making Mark uncomfortable. But then he noted the small shrug of the other man's shoulders.

"You're right. We should go over there," he said, stunning Mark.

"You... you want me to go with you?"

Another pause followed his question, and then finally, Derek nodded.

"You're right. She'll be too worried about Izzie to focus on herself. She's amazing, but she's not invincible. And honestly... I don't know how close she'll let me get today. You know, the, uh... the papers..."

Mark spared him the explanation. "I know. I was trying to keep myself out of the way today, actually, to give you both some time to deal with it."

Derek sighed. "It seems like that's dropped on the priority list. So what do you say? You think we can work together twice in one day?"[/i]

Standing in Meredith's kitchen, Mark sipped at his coffee and was startled to find it now cold. His thoughts had truly run away with him, and he turned to dump the liquid out of his cup so he could pour a fresh one. Though it wasn't surprising, his mind was having such a hard time mulling over the day's chain of events. It had been such a long time since he and Derek had been able to maintain a truly civil manner with each other, and today had felt not only civil but almost... familiar, like a small bit of their old friendship was still alive underneath all the hurt and anger.

He had decided that, yes, if for no other reason than it was for Addison, he and Derek could work together twice in one day, so Mark had retrieved his jacket and met up with the other surgeon in the parking lot where, minutes later, Addison had appeared with Izzie, Meredith and Karev in tow. Though they'd shared a silent ride over together in Derek's Rover, the truth was, Mark hadn't felt awkward at all. Both men had simply been lost in their own thoughts, comfortable enough not to feel the need to fill up the drive with chit-chat.

For Mark's part, those thoughts began with his heartbreak for the young intern who had become a good friend to him since his move to Seattle. Izzie Stevens had done what was so hard for him--she had put her heart on the line, loving someone despite the risk it posed to her career or to her own emotional safety--and she would pay for it now in the grief of losing the man she'd loved. And yet despite the pain she was facing, Mark envied her, because she'd had the chance to love Denny Duquette and be loved in return.

Addison loved him; Mark knew that. But it wasn't love like she felt for Derek, and that realization--accepting that it would never be that--had broken Mark's heart. Now there were times he wondered if he would ever know what it felt like to love someone who was truly his. It wasn't something he'd ever really craved in his life in years past, but Addison had changed that. He'd seen in her what that possibility was, and it was filled with a contentment and a passion Mark knew he'd never achieve by running from one woman to the other as he had most of his life. But if Addison wasn't "the one," when he'd been so certain she must be, Mark wasn't sure he'd recognize the real thing if it managed to find him.

Once they'd arrived at the house, Addison and Meredith had taken Izzie upstairs to her room. Alex had directed the other two men to the kitchen. Derek had made coffee, his familiarity with the house leaving him with no need to be told where the necessary items were. Not knowing what else to do, Mark had started a low-key conversation about football, drawing both men in, providing them all with something to do until they were needed.

It was later, after O'Malley had gotten someone to cover his shift and driven Meredith's car home, and while Karev was out picking up some food, that Derek sighed and came back into the room as he hung up on a phone call from Seattle Grace. Addison, who had come down to get some water, was seated at the counter eating a banana that Mark had guilted her into having by pointing out that Baby Girl Shepherd was probably hungry.

[i]"I can't reschedule this surgery," he said, his shoulders slumped as he spoke. "Richard talked to the patient about letting Michaels take it, but he wants me, so..."

"Derek, it's fine," Addison said, as she rolled the banana peel up in a paper towel. "There's really nothing you can do here. Izzie will barely let me or Meredith anywhere near her. So you might as well be in surgery instead of sitting here overdosing on caffeine."

Mark watched as Derek crossed to the redhead and took a tentative hold on her hand.

"I'm sorry for Izzie, but she's not why I came here."

What the words meant to Addison was unmistakable both from her physical reaction--her hand turning over, gripping Derek's tightly--and her emotional one as tears welled up in her eyes.

"You have to go, Derek. But I'll be here, so just... come back when you're done."

Addison held his hand a moment longer then she moved, going to throw away her trash and head back upstairs. She gave Mark a small smile as she picked up the bottle of water she'd come for originally and then made her exit.

"You're staying, right?" Derek asked, drawing Mark's attention his way.

"I figured I would, yeah."

"You'll, uh... keep an eye on her?"[/i]

Mark had smiled at the question, not just because he was amused at the discomfort it obviously caused Derek to ask it, but because in spite of how much it was costing him, Mark could see that the man in front of him was really trying to put Addison first, and it was an effort that had been long in coming.

Derek had left with a promise that Mark would indeed keep an eye on Addison, and he made sure that she sat down and ate some of the Chinese food Karev brought home. It was while they were eating that he stood and moved behind her, his hands automatically kneading the tight muscles in her neck.

[i]"You doing okay?" he asked, his voice low because he knew she'd hate feeling like the attention was on her when today was so very much about Izzie.

"I'm hanging in there," she replied. "This is helping tremendously. My head's starting to hurt from the knots in my back."

Mark chuckled and began to work a little more deeply. "I'm sorry all this had to happen. I'm even sorrier it happened on a day that was already so unhappy for you."

She sighed and let her head fall forward so that he could move up his fingers up her neck. He could feel her taking in deep breaths and letting them out slowly in an effort to help ease the discomfort she was feeling. It wasn't until she leaned back, letting her head rest against him, that she spoke again.

"You know, your best friend is a terrible person."

"Really?" he replied. "What have you done now?"

"I'm so sad for Izzie, so worried about her, but I just keep thinking... "

Her voice trailed off, and when she dropped her eyes do that he could no longer see them, Mark stepped to her side and crouched down beside her.

"You keep thinking about how lucky you are to have another chance."

She nodded, her eyes still downcast from him. "And the terribleness is compounded because really, of everyone in the world, you're the second worst person I could be bringing this up to."

Mark couldn't deny the sting that did and, he imagined, would continue to accompany thoughts of Addison and Derek being "Addison and Derek" again. But that wouldn't last forever, he reminded himself. Not if wanting Addison to be happy was really what mattered most to him. So he reached up and lifted her chin up so that her eyes were no longer hidden from him.

"Derek's thinking it, too," he told her. "I'd bet money on it. So you're both awful and selfish and horrible. At least you're not in it alone."

She smiled and he felt some pride in the fact that even when they were on such tenuous ground with one another, he could still find a way to bring that out in her.

"Gee, thanks, Mark," she said sarcastically, "I feel much better now."[/i]

She really had felt better, though, and then she'd gone up to take some food to George and Alex, and now Mark was alone again, still rooted to the kitchen, which was were Derek found him when he returned.

"How's she doing?" he asked, and it didn't take a genius to know who he was talking about.

"Okay," Mark replied honestly. "She's tired and sad and worried, but I made her stop and eat and rest a little. How was your surgery?"

Derek's eyes darted toward the stairs. "Good. The patient's, uh, he's doing good. I, uh... Bailey said she'd check in on him before she left so I could head back over here."

Footsteps echoed against the wooden steps of the two-story house, and Mark knew from the expression on the other man's face that at least one of the people coming downstairs was Addison. The other, it turned out, was Alex Karev, who had one hand on Addison's arm and the other around her waist. Mark started toward her instinctively, but stopped his movement when Derek dashed to her side.

"Are you okay?"

"No, she's not okay," Karev said, not allowing Addison a chance to reply. "She just had a dizzy spell and seriously, we will catch hell from Bailey if anything happens to her, so please make her go home and get some sleep."

Derek had Addison in one of the dining room chairs and he bent down beside her.

"What happened?"

"I'm just tired, Derek, really," she said, and her voice bore it out. Mark could tell she had hit a wall and was simply exhausted.

"Okay, well, then Karev is right. You need to go home, lay down and get some sleep."

Once again, Mark felt it was his duty to help do what was best for Addison, and in this case, it was obvious what she needed--she needed to get some rest and, judging by the grip she had on Derek's hand, she needed him close by.

"We're all here if Izzie needs anything," Mark offered. "And, Derek, if you want to drive Addison's car home for her, I can take the Rover back to the hospital for you. You can pick it up there."

The look of gratitude on Derek's face was unmistakable, and it only took a moment for him to reach into his pocket and hand the keys to Mark.

"All right, Addie? Seriously, let's get you home, okay?"

Derek guided her up out of the chair as he spoke, and Addison nodded her agreement, giving in to what she knew was truly best for her and her baby. But before they moved to go, she walked over to Mark and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you for being here for us today."

Mark felt his throat tighten, so rather than reply, he simply nodded.

"Thank you, Mark," Derek echoed, "really."

Again he nodded, and then Mark watched as Derek led Addison out for their trip home.

"That must've hurt," Karev said, and Mark looked at the younger man. He'd forgotten all about the intern being there.

"Like hell," he replied, not having the energy to lie. "But it is what it is, you know?"

Karev glanced up the stairs, and Mark remembered what he'd heard about the younger man's former relationship with Izzie Stevens.

"Yeah," Karev said, "sometimes it is what it is."

"How's she doing?" Mark asked, his head motioning toward the second floor.

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. She's just kind of... sitting there. It's like... it's like she can't even figure out what to do or say, so she's just not doing anything."

Mark understood that feeling all too well. It was the aftermath of realizing that the person you loved was lost to you, that all your dreams and the plans you'd made were never going to be realized. It left you numb.

Five minutes later, Mark sat down Indian-style on the floor beside Izzie Stevens bed. The blonde was sitting on the edge of the mattress, her eyes fixed on the wall across from her. She looked lost, devastated, and he knew there was little he could say that might make her feel any less so. But Mark wanted to be there for her, because when his dreams had crashed around him, it was Izzie who had tried to make him see that he would be okay.

Leaning back against the bed, Mark reached over and put his right hand atop Izzie's left where it sat on her thigh. He kept his touch light, and when he finally spoke, his voice was deep and soft.

"I know, Izzie. I know."

*****

Derek glanced at the clock on his dashboard and tried to bite back his annoyance at the dinner-hour traffic that stood between him and his destination. He knew it wasn't really taking him that much longer than usual to get to Meredith Grey's house, but tonight, every minute felt doubled because what was waiting for him there was Addison.

He couldn't help his anxiety, and though even he found it hard to believe, none of it was related to Addie being in a house with her ex-lover and his ex-girlfriend. No, the problem was that today felt too much like the past to him--the bad part of the past; Addison facing some crisis, needing his support and instead of being with her, he had been back at the hospital performing a surgery. The significant difference, though, between then and now was that the entire time he was away from her, all he wanted was to get back as soon as he could.

The day contained other echoes of the past as well. When Addison had needed help--a distraction to keep Richard at bay--it was Derek she had asked Mark to find. She had wanted and counted on his help, and it made him feel hopeful that even today, in the face of their divorce becoming final, she had still felt she could turn to him.

That Addie had sent Mark was both familiar--something she'd have done without a second thought years earlier--and, for Derek, a test of sorts. Because without a doubt, one of the hardest things Derek had to face was that he had to learn real trust again when it came to Addison and Mark's relationship. He knew pretending or some half-hearted attempt at acceptance would only end up pushing her away again. If he was really going to repair his marriage, he was honor-bound to let go of the past and believe in Addison's ability to recommit as much as he wanted her to believe in his.

He knew he'd be lying to say that it hadn't put him on edge to have his former best friend walk in through the lounge door this morning, and the first time Mark had said Addison's name, Derek had felt his gut knot up. But once he understood why Sloan had come, all his feelings of jealousy had taken an immediate backseat to coming up with a plan to do what his wife--he refused to think of her as anything else--needed.

When he had spotted Richard in the hallway, Derek's mind went spinning trying to think of a suitably time-consuming distraction to give Addie and Bailey time to get Izzie safely away from Denny's room. For some reason, when he saw Mark at the elevators, Derek's memory jumped to one of the more memorable cases the two had worked on together. The flash gave him the kernel of something that had the potential to keep Richard occupied and actually turn into a viable project. And so again, Derek willed his confused feelings about Mark away and approached the gifted plastic surgeon.

[i] "Just follow my lead."[/i]

Mark had done as he was asked, helping to buy time while Derek figured out his plan, and then easily helping to fill in the story of their meeting with Duncan Gruggio and their surgery on young Diya. Together, they managed to accomplish their mission and by the time they had bid Richard good-bye, Addison had texted to say that they had coaxed Izzie to the locker room and the coast was clear.

The thing that struck Derek as truly bizarre was how natural it felt to partner up with Mark on the task. He hadn't hesitated to ask the other man for help anymore than he imagined Addison had when she'd sent Mark off to find him. It made him think back to that horrible morning after Harley Salton had died, the day when his jealousy had made him lash out, doing considerable damage to the closeness he and Addison had rediscovered. She had reminded him then that Mark was a person with feelings, someone they had both loved and called friend before the affair.

She had also reminded Derek that it was Mark who had been there to pick up the slack when he'd been ignoring his wife; Mark who had been there for her in the early days of her pregnancy when she'd felt unable to come to him. And as much as Derek might dislike it, he saw that he'd played a key role in creating the bond that had formed between his best friend and Addie. That he resented it now didn't change the fact of its existence. That was why, when he'd decided to go to Meredith's, knowing Addison would want to see Izzie home and settled, he had asked Mark to come, too. It was a day when friends were supposed to watch out for each other, and at the end of the day, Mark was still Addison's friend.

And he... he was the idiot who had become Addison Montgomery-Shepherd's ex-husband today, and as much as Derek had wanted nothing more than to take care of Addie, he simply hadn't been sure she would let him. He'd started the day determined not to intrude on the distance and time she had asked for despite his heavy heart over the divorce. He didn't know if Isobel Stevens' loss and the events that followed meant that his comfort would be welcome or not, and so Derek had done something that surprised him as much as it had clearly surprised the man he'd once thought of as a brother.

He asked Mark to come along and help him look after Addison.

It had taken a moment and a conscious effort to swallow his pride, but it was the right thing to do, and so Derek had done it. And he had been truly grateful he had when his phone call to Richard about changing his schedule met with hard resistance.

[i]"You know I wouldn't try to reschedule a surgery this last-minute if it weren't important," Derek pleaded.

"Yes, I do know," came the chief's reply. "But I did what you asked, I spoke to the family, and they aren't willing to change doctors. So since postponing isn't an option..."

Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Richard, Addie needs me. I... I spent years brushing her off for patients and surgeries when she needed me. I don't want to be that man anymore."

He heard an answering sigh from the other end of the line.

"I understand that, Derek. I do. And I'm sorry I can't fix this."[/i]

There wasn't any doubt that Richard meant what he'd said, and Derek knew the chief had probably jumped through a few extra hoops in an effort to get him out of the surgery, but it pained Derek to walk back into the kitchen, knowing the next thing he'd have to do was tell Addie he had to leave.

[i]"I can't reschedule this surgery," he said, and he felt his shoulders collapse under the weight of his guilt. "Richard talked to the patient about letting Michaels take it, but he wants me, so..."

"Derek, it's fine," Addison said, as she used a paper towel to roll up the remains of the banana Mark had insisted she eat. "There's really nothing you can do here. Izzie will barely let me or Meredith anywhere near her. So you might as well be in surgery instead of sitting here overdosing on caffeine."

It was generous of her to give him a graceful exit, but Derek knew that in some ways, it was habit to her. She'd had to make excuses for him so many times in the past, and she'd rarely tried to make him feel bad for rushing off to an emergency.

He moved toward her and took her hand, the softness of the skin registering to him as he made a point to catch her eye.

"I'm sorry for Izzie, but she's not why I came here."

It was a simple sentence for the large amount of honesty he was offering, and when Derek felt Addison's hand squeeze his, he knew that she understood what he was trying to say.

"You have to go, Derek. But I'll be here, so just... come back when you're done."

Moments later she was gone, returned to Stevens' side. And that was when he turned and let his attention wander back to the other man in the kitchen.

"You're staying, right?"

Mark looked toward him as he spoke and then gave a small shrug.

"I figured I would, yeah."[/i]

In another lifetime, what happened next would have been a natural reflex he acted upon without a second thought. But now Derek asked with the weight of the past laced between his words. Given someone else he could have asked this favor, he'd have chosen just about anyone, but the reality was that everyone in the house was there to take care of Izzie, and Mark was the only person he could count on to take care of Addie.

[i]"You'll, uh... keep an eye on her?"

Mark's lips curled up into a smile, and for a moment, Derek thought he was about to be refused. But instead, he received a nod of agreement.

"I'll keep 'em both on her. You just, uh... get back when you can. She's gonna need you."

"I know," Derek said, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his keys. "And this time, I'll be here."[/i]

In the past, his thoughts would have focused solely on his surgery once he arrived at Seattle Grace, his mind losing track of whatever commitment he'd made to his wife. But even though he knew he'd given his best to his patient today, Derek hadn't forgotten that he had somewhere to be when the procedure was over. He'd practically run through the halls to get changed and back in his car and back on his way to where he felt he needed to be.

He almost laughed when he found Mark standing in nearly the same place he'd been earlier--in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop.

"How's she doing?"

"Okay," Mark answered. "She's tired and sad and worried, but I made her stop and eat and rest a little. How was your surgery?"

Derek glanced toward the stairs, wondering if Addison was actually in with Stevens or if she was just upstairs where he could go and check on her. When Mark's question registered, he tried to make himself focus and reply.

"Good. The patient's, uh, he's doing good. I, uh... Bailey said she'd check in on him before she left so I could head back over here."

The sound of movement on the stairs drew Derek's attention that direction. He was confused at first, seeing Alex Karev so close to Addison until he realized that the intern's proximity was due to his supporting a wobbly Addie as they made their way down the steps. Derek bolted toward them, his hands reaching for her.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, she's not okay," Karev answered. "She just had a dizzy spell and seriously, we will catch hell from Bailey if anything happens to her, so please make her go home and get some sleep."

Derek glanced around and spied the dining room chairs. He eased Addison toward one, helping her to sit down before he sank into a crouch beside her.

"What happened?"

"I'm just tired, Derek, really."

And he knew that was probably what it was because she sounded wiped out and her eyes had lost some of their brightness. Derek gently caressed her cheek.

"Okay, well, then Karev is right. You need to go home, lay down and get some sleep."

"We're all here if Izzie needs anything," Mark said. "And, Derek, if you want to drive Addison's car home for her, I can take the Rover back to the hospital for you. You can pick it up there."

The offer was made so earnestly and with such genuine concern that Derek knew any argument Addison might have made about being able to drive herself home or not wanting to leave Mark stranded was virtually extinguished by the other surgeon's sincerity. Derek wasted no time handing his keys over to Mark.

"All right, Addie? Seriously, let's get you home, okay?"

He helped her up and she nodded, surrendering to their concern. And then Derek watched as she walked toward Mark and embraced him.

"Thank you for being here for us today."

And he had been there, truly. Derek recognized it, and he knew that it had probably been as hard for Mark to give aid that pushed them together as it had been for Derek to ask for his help, and yet both of them had managed the effort because... well, that was the kind of thing a man was capable of for Addison.

"Thank you, Mark," Derek offered his voice low, but warm, "really."

The two shared a small nod of acknowledgement, and then Derek slipped his arm around Addison's waist and walked with her to where her coat and purse sat in the living room. Soon they were in her car and on their way back to her home.

"How did the surgery go?"

Derek let his eyes wander to her a moment. Her own were closed, her face turned toward him, her hands resting in her lap.

"It was a good outcome."

"Good," she replied.

"How's Steven's holding up?"

That question was met with a sigh.

"She knew she might lose him all along," Addie explained. "But it's like when we know we might lose a patient on a hard case. We know, but we don't accept it until it happens. Izzie never let herself accept that Denny might die until today."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Derek said, his mind mulling over the words she'd said. "I guess none of us would ever take the risk of falling in love if we really let ourselves know how it might end; Steven's case is just more... extreme, I guess... real."

"True. But that's changed for Izzie forever now. The risk and the pain are part of who she is, and how she loves, how she allows her heart to be vulnerable will always be connected to what she's feeling today."

They pulled to a stoplight and Derek took the opportunity to turn and look at her again. Addison's eyes were open now, and she was staring out the window. He wanted more than anything to reach out and touch her--to brush her hair back off her face or take her hand--and let her knew that he understood that they were also both facing the risk of loving again in spite of the pain and hurt that their mistakes had caused. But those were words... and he had promised himself that the next time he asked Addison to let him back into her heart, he would show her a reason to believe in him not just give her more words.

Doc's excited bark greeted them as they climbed from the car, and to spare the neighbors the ruckus, Derek rushed over to the gate and let the dog come through into the front yard. The canine jumped up and gave a boisterous greeting to him, but when he ran up to meet Addie on the porch, the dog calmed, sinking down into a seated position so that she could easily pet his head and scratch his ears.

"I, uh... I'll just call a cab and head back to the hospital, wait for Mark there."

It wasn't what he wanted to do, but he felt he should make the offer. What Derek wanted was to ask her to just let him stay and hold her, but that didn't seem like a reasonable thing to say on the day their marriage had ended. So he stood there looking at her, his offer made, praying she'd reject it and ask him to say.

Then she did.

"I just... I need you to be where I can see you right now. Is that okay?"

He smiled and stepped up onto the porch, taking back the keys he'd handed her moments earlier so he could open the door.

"Very okay."

Once they were inside, Derek motioned for Addison to sit down on the couch. Doc promptly jumped up beside her, stretching out so that his head and right paw rested in her lap. He wondered if he imagined that the dog seemed to move more carefully around Addison now, as if he knew she was pregnant and he couldn't jostle her too much.

"Why don't you stay there and give the furry baby some attention?" he proposed. "And I'll go navigate your kitchen and make you some tea."

"That would be great," she said, her head leaning back as she began to softly rub Doc's right ear--his favorite thing on Earth.

As he moved through the kitchen, Derek laughed. Though it was an entirely different house and the makeup of the cabinet structure was different, in general, Addie had set up the kitchen almost exactly the way the one in their brownstone had been. The cups were in the cabinet to the right of the pantry, the tea in the one left of the stove. The sugar was inside a Tupperware container hidden inside a pretty ceramic canister.

Some things didn't change, and after all they had gone through the past few years, it was oddly comforting to find a bit of the familiar in Addison's new home.

Tea made, he joined her on the couch, taking the side that Doc had not claimed as his own. Addison took a sip of the steaming liquid he handed her and then she brought the cup down so it was resting on her lap. He watched, content to be with her in the quiet, as her fingers played idly along the rim.

"I could have done it, you know?"

"Done what?" he asked as he took a sip of his own tea and tried not to cringe. Tea in general wasn't one of Derek's favorite things, but he had chosen the one with a label that said it helped aid sleep, so he figured it couldn't hurt to try a cup.

"If I'd had to let you walk out of my life, I could have done it," she said, her hands shaking slightly. Addison leaned forward, setting the cup on the table.

"But if anything ever happened..."

Derek moved quickly, sitting his own cup beside hers before he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Addison gave into his hold, melting against his chest as tears she had held inside all day long began to flow freely.

"It's okay, Addie. I'm here."

At the start of their marriage, he'd have promised her he'd never leave, that nothing bad could ever happen to them. But they both knew better now. All Derek could really swear to was that he was here now and that he would hold her while she cried.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice muffled by his shirt. "I tried all day to keep that image out of my head, but I guess I finally lost the battle. It just... it broke my heart."

Derek felt a lump form in his throat. "I know exactly what you mean. The day the E.R. thing happened, when you got hurt... When Bailey told me, the thought that maybe I'd lost you--really lost you--it made it so I couldn't breathe."

She nodded against him. "That's what it felt like, yeah."

It was a hell of a situation they'd gotten themselves into, Derek thought, as he continued to hold Addie while she dealt with a day's worth of pent-up emotions. They were two people who loved each other but had almost thrown it all away, and yet no matter how close they got to what seemed like the end of them, the end never quite came. Now they were having a child together; a new life they would share together if they could just finish sorting out the mistakes of the old one.

But if fate was using the tragedies that had befallen the Saltons or Izzie Stevens to drive home the point that life was short, then Derek had gotten the message loud and clear. And as he coaxed Addison to her room, proclaiming that no pregnant women who'd had dizzy spells today would be sleeping anywhere but in their own beds, Derek made a vow to himself to step up to the plate as soon as he could. There was a difference, after all, between taking time and letting time slip away.

He'd had every intention of going back to the couch to mull over his next move after he got Addie tucked into bed. But when he'd taken her hand to pull it toward him so he could kiss it, giving her some kind of kiss good night, she had surprised him by pulling him toward her.

It wasn't the start of some passionate reunion; they weren't there yet. But to Derek, the silent request that he stay meant more than any other physical gesture he could imagine. Even though she had little reason to given the way he'd reacted to her emotional needs over the years, she was trusting him enough to let him stay, to know what she needed from him. It was a leap of faith, and as he settled down beside her, his arm wrapping over Addison so that she and their unborn daughter could both feel his touch, he knew his earlier thought had been the right one. It was time to show Addison that she was more important to him than the past, than his anger or jealousy--than anything else in the world.

*****

The first thing Addison became aware of as she awoke was the smell of pancakes coming from her kitchen. The realization that Derek was the one preparing the food curved her lips into a small smile, and she closed her eyes again as she considered how different this morning was than the one just passed.

Yesterday she had been mourning her marriage, dealing with the reality that she had become the ex-Mrs. Shepherd. And yet this morning, Derek was here in her home after spending the night tending to her, and Addison realized she felt more like his wife after their first full day of divorce than she had in the last several years they had been legally wed.

When they'd been dating and certainly as newlyweds, Derek's comfort was a given. He had seemed to wait for moments when he could be the strong one, supporting her, giving her reassurance. But then it had changed, and because of his confession to her the night that Harley had passed away, Addison finally understood why. And while knowing what had started to put distance between them gave her some kind of peace with it, she was far from ready to trust that it wouldn't happen again. That was why she'd insisted the divorce go through.

But yesterday, Derek had been there for her, and he had done it on her terms, not pushing too hard or trying to take control. He had even managed to coexist with Mark, which she knew had probably stung at times, and yet he'd not made one snide or hurtful comment in her presence about the situation. It was a stunning turnaround given where they had been six months earlier, and even though she appreciated it, Addison was hesitant to let herself believe this one day had changed anything.

After all, she thought, as she lay there in bed beneath the covers, the last time Derek had stayed the night, after Harley, they had woken from a night of healing and taking care of one another only to end up fighting over Mark once again. That morning had been the major factor in her decision to go through with the legal dissolution of their wedding vows. And as she remembered the hurt feelings and angry words of that day, Addison winced and hoped that she wasn't in for a similar incident today.

And yet even as the thought came to her, Addison reflected on the Derek who had looked at her yesterday, his eyes pained at the idea of leaving her to go back to the hospital. She knew he wasn't putting on any kind of act for her benefit. The regret had been real, and so had the worry for her and the reluctance to go. It was seeing that sincerity that made her want to make it easier for him because she knew that this time, he really did "have to" go. After so many years of his using medicine to avoid her or to duck out of emotional situations, the change was, again, a little startling. But that he had wanted to stay meant so much more to her than she knew how to tell him. Really, all she had ever wanted was for him to want to stay, even when he had to go.

After he left, Addison had gone back upstairs to sit with Izzie after a short water break that ended up including a snack Mark had pestered her into eating. When she returned to the younger woman's room, it was to see that Izzie had drifted off. Meredith had moved to sit in the corner in the back of the room, and the redhead joined her, folding down onto the floor.

[i]"She fell asleep about five minutes ago," Meredith whispered.

Addison nodded. "Sorry I was gone so long. I had to stop and eat a piece of fruit before I got force-fed an entire meal."

She smiled, though, despite the slight harshness in her words, and her eyes dropped to her belly. Baby Girl Shepherd was definitely starting to make her presence known, and the rounded mound that had once been her flat stomach was proof of it. And even though nearly every decision she made about what and when to eat was dictated by her concern for her unborn child, it touched Addison that Mark was still... well, Mark... checking up on her, making her that she was taking care of herself and the baby.

"Are you okay?"

Meredith's question drew Addison's attention back to the present and Izzie's room. She glanced over at the woman who had played such a pivotal role in the last year of her life and saw real concern conveyed in her expression.

"I'm okay," she replied. "How are you holding up?"

A small shrug worked its way through the intern's shoulders.

"I feel like I don't really know what to say to her. And I know everyone expects me to know. But this is... I don't know how this feels or what to tell her to do to get through it."

"That's not true, Grey. You have some idea."

That earned Addison a questioning gaze, and she smiled back in response, despite the subject she was about to broach.

"You know what it's like to have to move on, to let go of something you dreamed about and wanted and hoped for. And really, Izzie's in the same place. Her love for Denny never got a chance to be worn down over time or tested by longevity. They were still in that perfect place where all your hopes are still possible. And now she has to let that go. You do know how that feels, so that's what you should try to help her with. The rest... that's hurt Izzie wouldn't wish on anyone, and I'm sure she's glad you don't know how that feels."

Meredith flashed her a small smile and nodded. "I... I hadn't thought about it that way."[/i]

They fell silent as they both took a moment to deal with the reality that Derek had somehow entered their conversation even if his name hadn't been mentioned. For Addison's part, she really did think the intern was moving on, letting go, and she not only appreciated it, she admired it. Obviously, she knew how hard it was to try and get over the man you considered the great love of your life. That they'd both had to wrestle with those feelings for the same man was a delicate issue, but the reality was Meredith had stepped away, whether by clear choice or because she'd simply given up. The fact that Addison was relieved and grateful over it didn't mean she didn't recognize how hard a thing it was to deal with.

Izzie shifted on the bed, a small whimper escaping her before she called out Denny's name. Addison watched her closely, but the blonde didn't wake.

[i]"I don't even remember who I was before him. [/i]

Eyelids closing, Addie had set in her friend's room and rested her head against the wall with Izzie's sad, resigned voice in her head. The response she had given had been the most honest one she could. It had been a reply that had been hard won as she'd realized its truth in her own life in the months since she and Derek had separated.

[i]"I know, and you won't ever be her again. You'll be the you that loved him. And he'll always be part of you." [/i]

The memory of the words she'd spoken had quite naturally sent Addison's mind back to thoughts of Derek, and it was then she noticed that she somehow felt his absence even though they had barely seen one another since the group had arrived back at Meredith's house. All her attention had been focused on Izzie until she had felt her body remind her that she was pregnant and needed to sit down a moment and drink some water, and Addison wasn't even sure how many hours had gone by since she had last seen him, but the surety that he'd been only a few rooms away had helped to reassure her that she had someone to lean on when her own strength started to waver.

Derek having to leave had taken that surety away. And while she knew that Mark was here, that he was a ready and willing shoulder, it wasn't the same. It was a thought she'd had over and over in New York during their troubled times--that yes, she had Mark to lean on, but he wasn't Derek--but then it had always gone through her head with a sense of ill-will toward her husband. Sitting there in Izzie Stevens' bedroom, though, Addison had thought the words in a new way--a loving and appreciative way that she knew had become clear to her over the past few months. She had other people to turn to, to love, to care for her, but truly what she wanted was for Derek to be there for all those things first and foremost.

It was more than thinking she still loved or needed him, because she'd always known she loved him and the "needing" part was true but survivable. The trick was admitting he was what she wanted... that it didn't matter anymore that she was scared, that they'd hurt each other, that they had so much to deal with as individuals and a couple before they could be together again. She had been afraid to want him, afraid to surrender the power to break her to him again by letting him know it. But she did want him--downstairs waiting to hold her, as her husband, as the man she believed she was meant to spend her life with.

She wanted Derek back, and it was time to admit it to herself and to him before any more time slipped away from them.

Those feelings had only been confirmed for her later when her exhaustion had caused her to get a little dizzy and Karev, Mark and Derek had practically ganged up on her to get her to agree that Derek should drive her home.

When she'd gone to say good night to Mark, Addison felt as if something had shifted in the triangular relationship she and Derek shared with the other man. Earlier, he had reassured her that Derek, too, was feeling the same thing she was in the wake of the day's tragedy--that odd if not slightly selfish relief that their time hadn't run out. It had been such a kind gesture on his part to say it, especially when Addison knew he was still hurting over her rejection. But it was also the kind of thing he'd have said to her long ago in an effort to support not just her but her and Derek as a unit. And so her thanks to him that night when she had said he'd been there "for us" had been just that, a thank you for being their friend even through his own pain.

But what surprised her completely was that Derek had seen it, too. As he had bid Mark good night, there had been a depth of feeling that Addison hadn't seen pass between the two men in any way but in anger for months now. But last night, there had been something almost like their old friendship, and though she knew none of them were sure they would ever be capable of that sort of relationship again, she was proud of Derek for finally seeing through his own hurt to see Mark as a person again.

It had been an odd mix of hopeful signs on a sad day, and so when Derek had offered to leave, Addison had refused him, instead asking him to stay. When she had told him she needed him to be where she could see him, she had meant it partly to convey a need to know he was physically all right, the tragedy with Denny still present in her mind, as well as a need to keep him close so that she wouldn't talk herself out of the realizations she'd come to.

It hadn't been until they were seated on the couch drinking the tea Derek had made for them that Addison's fatigue allowed her mind to go to the one place it had fought against all day long--the horrible "what if" place where she wondered how she might deal with the loss of Derek devoid of a second chance. Even the idea of it had stolen her breath and left her throat aching as her emotions overran her. To imagine someone saying to her that Derek was gone forever, that she would never see him again... the very thought of it had made her feel as if her world would cave in.

[i]"I could have done it, you know?"

"Done what?" he asked.

"If I'd had to let you walk out of my life, I could have done it," she said, her hands shaking slightly. Addison leaned forward, setting the cup on the table.

"But if anything ever happened..."[/i]

She hadn't needed to say another word before Derek's arms were around her, and Addison put up no pretense of not needing to be close to him to chase away the horrifying feeling her musings had caused. She had curled into his chest and cried as he promised her that he was there for her.

Again, she wasn't sure how to tell him, but that he hadn't tried to dismiss her outpouring with platitudes or grandiose promises, but had simply been with her and let her work her way through the emotional onslaught meant so much to her. There was no judgment in his comfort, no trying to placate her. And then he had made the moment even more amazing by sharing some of his own feelings with her.

[i]"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I tried all day to keep that image out of my head, but I guess I finally lost the battle. It just... it broke my heart."

"I know exactly what you mean," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "The day the E.R. thing happened, when you got hurt... When Bailey told me, the thought that maybe I'd lost you--really lost you--it made it so I couldn't breathe."

The description matched exactly what she'd felt as her imagination tried to conjure the unthinkable, and Addison nodded, her head moving against his chest.

"That's what it felt like, yeah."[/i]

They had been so close in that moment, their worst fears so exposed to one another, and it was something Addison had not been ready to let go of. That was why she had held tightly to Derek's hand when he had started to leave after settling her in bed. She knew it was almost silly; he would have only been a few feet away on the couch. But she couldn't stand the thought of any distance between them, not after they had come so far.

Derek had taken her cue and climbed into bed with her, his arm wrapping gently over her so that his hand was resting on her belly. When he said nothing and made no other movements, she knew she didn't have to explain what she wanted; he knew. Her joy at their being in that place together again, the one where they could communicate without words, stayed with her as she had drifted off to sleep.

Reminded of that feeling, Addison told herself to put aside her worries about this morning. This wasn't like any other time when she or Derek had reached out to one another. The confusion was gone. She knew that she wanted to believe in him again, that she was willing to take the risk.

When she finally pulled herself from bed and made her way to the kitchen, the smile that greeted her sent butterflies through her stomach. Derek looked happier than she had seen him in a very long time.

"Hey, how are the Shepherd girls this morning?"

Addison smiled and sat down at the dining room table.

"We are surprisingly well, thank you. But hungry."

"I have the cure to that," he said proudly, and Derek picked up two prepared plates and headed toward her. After setting the dishes down, he let his right hand fall on her shoulder, and his fingers squeezed gently.

"I made decaf. You want some?"

She turned to look up at him, smiling, and nodded. "I'd love some."

He moved back to the kitchen to get the coffee as Addison set to dressing her pancakes with the syrup and butter he had already set out on the table. Derek returned, delivered her drink and went to work on his own plate.

"I know you'll probably want to go check on Stevens before we go to work," he said, his gaze shifting from his food to her, "but if you're up for it, there's something I wanted to show you first."

The excitement on his face was so evident, she couldn't possibly refuse him so Addison agreed, and after they ate and she showered and dressed, they headed off. It didn't take her long to realize they were driving toward Derek's property. While they drove, he filled her in on the distraction he and Mark had used with Richard the day before, but she noted that as they got closer to the trailer, Derek began to get nervous.

"You all right," she asked?

Derek nodded. "Fine. Just... I'll just be glad when we get there."

That made her curious, but she left her questions in her own mind, not wanting to push him to reveal his secret. Soon enough, they were parked at the trailer, though he had pulled in at an odd angle, and as soon as the engine was turned off, he turned toward her.

"I need to grab one thing, so just wait here a minute, okay?"

She agreed, and he hopped out of the car and ran toward their former home. As much as she had hated the trailer, it made Addison a little sad to see it now and think that there was probably nothing left inside that even showed she'd ever lived there. She also realized Derek probably harbored similar feelings about her new home, the first place she had lived in more than a decade and a half that she hadn't been his house as well at one point.

The door to the trailer slammed shut as Derek flew out and bounded toward her. Addison laughed at his little-boy eagerness and when he stopped by her door to open it, he gave her a questioning look.

"What?"

"You just look like... you're about to open the best Christmas present ever," she said as he helped her from the car.

"Well, I just might be. I guess it depends on what you think."

"Of?"

He shook his head and took her hand in his. "I have to show you. Come on."

Addison went willingly as they walked forward, Derek in the lead. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, wondering what it was he was so determined she see, but so far, nothing stood out. Then they hit the turn to the pathway out to the lake, and Addison's breath caught as she took in the structure that was just taking shape in front of her.

"You're... you're building a house?" she asked.

"I am," he confirmed. "I started it a little while ago, and I wanted to maybe get some more done before I showed you, but... I don't know, it just felt like it was time for you to know that this is, uh, how I've been spending my time."

"You mean you're literally building it? I mean, I know you used to do that with your dad, but..."

Derek laughed and moved behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders as she kept studying the partially framed house.

"Yes, I'm literally building it, at least as much as I can. I decided it was therapy. You know, I can work out some of my issues by pounding on nails. It's proven very helpful."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm," he answered. "For instance, you see that wall that's on the far side, with the window framed in?"

She nodded.

"I had to redo that three times. I was thinking about Mark and everything, and I kept breaking things."

She realized he hadn't missed the tension that came into her shoulders when his hands began to move against her the muscles there.

"He had told me, you know, that I wasn't paying attention to our marriage, and I didn't listen to him. I ignored the warnings because I had to know better, right? I was Derek the perfect husband and he was Mark the screw-up, and what could he tell me about our marriage. But he did try... and you tried... and about the third time I had to fix that frame, I realized the only way I can forgive myself is if I forgive you both, too. All three of us hurt our marriage."

Addison closed her eyes against the tears that had begun to pool as she listened to Derek speak. She realized she was holding her breath only when he leaned closer to her and whispered to her to breathe.

"I don't need anymore tragedies to happen around us to make me see how much time we've wasted--that I've wasted. So I'm done obsessing about the past and things we can't change. I forgive us, Addison."

She turned and looked up at him and she didn't doubt for a moment that he meant every word.

"I believe you," she whispered, and Derek leaned his forehead down so it touched against hers.

"I knew I needed a new house to have a place to be a father to our daughter. But I hope that when I'm done, this will be a home for her and for you. And I know that we have a lot left to work through, but I just wanted you to see that this is how committed I am to you and to the future I want us to have."

Addison nodded, unable to find her voice within the whirlwind of emotion inside of her.

"And I wanted to tell you that... even though I hated it, I understand why you wouldn't take your rings back. And when you do let me give them back to you, I want you to be sure I mean the promises that go with them again."

Now he stepped back from her a bit, his hand reaching into his pocket. When his fingers unfurled in front of her, Addison saw not the rings he had been speaking of but one single band.

"I was thinking that maybe you should hold this for me. And when you're ready to give it back to me, I'll know that I've finally made it home."

Derek placed the ring in her hand and Addison let it press into her palm as her fingers closed over it. Then she looked back up at him and spoke the only thing on her heart right at that moment.

"I love you," she said, her voice soft, but the only person who mattered heard her loud and clear.

"God, I love you, Addie."

He pulled her against him, his arms squeezing her tight as they both just lived in the moment, the past and the future both still there to be dealt with, but no longer frightening because they were going to face them together.

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