There had been days since she'd come to Seattle when Addison craved the silence and emptiness of the Manhattan apartment she'd grown up in, even though she'd hated it back then. Sometimes when the back and forth between she and Derek became too much or the whispers behind her back at the hospital threatened to unravel her, she actually missed all that quiet. But realizing that she was that miserable that she actually missed that place... that frightened her.

As a child, Addison had hated the apartment with all its lifeless rooms and rows of pictures filled with unfamiliar faces that stared back at her almost in an accusatory manner, like it was her fault she was all alone in the world. She hated the people in those pictures, because they had all left her. She had a trust fund and a place to live and she went to the best private school in New York and then all the best colleges, but she would've traded everything away to have a person who shared her name, whose features resembled her own, to come home to at the end of the day.

Nanny Robinson had tried hard to make her feel cared for, but it wasn't the same. Addison had always known because she saw the difference in her friends who had actual mothers and fathers and relatives who were alive not names etched on marble plates in the cemetery. And Addison had promised herself that if she ever had a family of her own, she would hold tight to them so that she did not end up alone again.

She supposed that explained why she had come to Seattle at all. Derek was her family. Moreover, he was the link that bonded her to the larger family she'd inherited with marriage--her mother-in-law was the only mother Addison could remember, Derek's sisters the only siblings, and Mark--well, he'd been their "adopted," troublemaking brother, whose deeds they might have scorned, but who they loved anyway.

But now that all felt tenuous, like a dream she'd had that was fading away as she woke. The Shepherds were still loving and had all expressed, in different conversations and letters, that she was still very much one of them, but Addison was no longer legally a Shepherd, and finalizing the divorce left her feeling as alien as having had a piece of her body cut off with her consent. And though she knew everyone had assumed she'd turn to him, self-preservation was keeping her from depending on Mark because the past had taught her he was just not the kind of man a woman depended on to stick around.

Sitting in her newly purchased but as yet barely furnished Downtown Seattle penthouse, Addison realized she had unconsciously recreated the home of her childhood. She had bought a stylish, enviable space that would look rich and luxurious once she was done pulling it together, but it lacked the warmth of a family... and she was alone.

Tonight was not one of those times when she craved this silence. She didn't want to be alone, but her options were limited. It was late, too late to bug Miranda, who she knew had worked 45 hours straight and needed both sleep and time with her son and husband. Richard would lend her a shoulder, but he was supposed to be having dinner with Adele tonight to try to get things back on track. And Mark and Derek were just not options... not now.

Resigned that her two best remaining possibilities for company were going to the hospital and just making herself useful or going to Joe's to sit in a corner so she could at least hear the sounds of other people connecting, Addison chose Seattle Grace and headed in. She gathered some paperwork she'd long ignored, went to the cafeteria and grabbed a cup of tea.

There were only half a dozen people in the large room, and none of them were people Addison knew particularly well, but at least there was noise and she didn't feel like the walls were closing in on her.

She was an hour into her attempt at self-distraction when she heard someone clear their throat to her left. Addison looked up to see perhaps the last person she expected to find.

"Dr. Karev."

He nodded, but didn't say anything. She waited a beat and then set down her pen and reached out to stir her tea.

"Was there something you needed, Doctor?"

Addison had not been exaggerating when she'd told Karev that Mark was just like him. The arrogant and good-looking intern reminded her so much of the Mark Sloan she'd first met all those years ago, it was frightening. The attitude, the need to sleep his way through the hospital, the way he felt entitled to say whatever he wanted to anyone--it truly was amazing how similar they were.

It frustrated Addison to no end that the younger man couldn't seem to see how his potential might be stunted by having such a likeminded mentor. Karev had real talent and far more empathy than he liked anyone to see. But he needed something to anchor him, to give him perspective, and from what she could see, he was lacking that. At least Mark had had the Shepherd clan to knock him down a few pegs when needed. She'd always credited the family's influence with making him a better doctor than he would've been if Derek hadn't come into his life. It would be sad, she thought, for Karev to miss out on that same chance because he was too damn stubborn to let in someone or something that could call him on his crap.

She was more than a little surprised then when the intern she imagined would rank her number one on his "most hated attendings" list sat down opposite her and sighed heavily.

"I thought you left for the day," he said, giving her no clue as to why he'd approached her. Addison set down her tea, picked up her pen and dropped her eyes back to her reports.

"I left. I came back. And now I am sitting here drinking tea and doing paperwork. What about you? Don't you have a plastics god's ass to be kissing somewhere?"

"Dr. Sloan, uh... he had some appointments to look at apartments and stuff. Said the hotel is starting to get to him. I figured that's code for it's not fun now that you moved out."

Addison's eyes shot back up and locked with Alex's.

"I'm sure Dr. Sloan has other friends to keep him busy at the hotel."

She was surprised when the expression that overtook Karev at her words was one of compassion rather than a mocking one.

"So you know about that, huh?"

Addison nodded. "This hospital is not known for its lack of gossip. Torres I know about for sure, mostly because she confessed in a fit of guilt while she was setting Mrs. Richmond's leg after her slip and fall. I suspect a few of the nurses, too, but I don't know for sure, and really, it doesn't matter now."

"Does it matter at all that he actually, you know, loves you?"

There was no masking her surprise at what he'd said. "Karev, what is this... why are you asking me about this?"

Alex sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know how much you know about... Look, I... asking you this is making me feel like an idiot, but I can't... I can't ask my friends because they're her friends, and I just... I don't know who else to ask. So I saw you sitting here, and I just thought that... I thought maybe I could ask you."

That feeling of being alone, of having no one you could turn to for help was one Addison knew all too well. She leaned forward, her hands clasped on the table.

"Ask away."

The relief on the interns face was stunningly obvious.

"Okay, it's just... Izzie and I were, you know, sort of together... dating. And I screwed up."

Addison nodded. "Yeah, I remember hearing something about that. Like I said, gossip and this place..."

"So then she fell for Duquette and that was that," Karev said, continuing on with his story. "But now he's gone, and I mean... I know she's probably not ready for a lot... for anything but just maybe hanging out, but... Meredith said once she'd never see me the same way again, because I cheated. And I guess I wanted to ask you if you think that's true. Because something about Izzie... it kinda turns me inside out, you know? And I don't really want to go there again if... I don't want her to always think I'm gonna be that guy."

She felt her emotions try to get the best of her as Alex's dialogue reminded Addison of the last few years of her own life. There was so much in the question he was asking, and the depth and length of the history that went into her answer felt overwhelming given the things she had learned and had been wrestling with over the past few days.

"You think I'm an idiot, right?" he asked. "Or an ass."

Addison shook her head. "No, Karev, neither. I think... it took a lot for you to ask me that. And I was just trying to think of how to give you the best answer."

Her tea was cold now, but she gripped the cup and twisted it in her hands as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Some people don't ever see past it. Derek didn't with me, and I guess I understand why even if it hurt like hell to realize it. But with Mark... ever since I met him, he's been the guy who was never going to settle down, wanted to go out with a different girl every night. And we teased him and joked about it, but that was just... Mark."

"Yeah, that sounds familiar."

Addison smiled. "Yeah, I didn't tell you he was just like you on a whim."

They both laughed, and Addison wondered exactly how she'd ended up sitting in the cafeteria near midnight with Alex Karev laughing, but she wasn't alone, and she actually felt better than she had in days, so she didn't question it too much.

"Anyway," she continued, "when I... I cared about Mark a lot and he was my best friend, besides Derek. And then he was more, and I... even knowing who Mark was and what his track record was, I let myself believe that for me, he would change. And I was scared. Because he's Mark... and he says he loves me, and then he... I know I pushed him away. I did. But if he really loved me, if he really wanted to have a life with me..."

"But couldn't he just have, you know, screwed up? I mean... maybe he does want a life with you, but then you pushed or something happened with him you don't even know about and he kinda freaked out a little bit."

Her emotions surged again, and this time, Addison felt tears threatening. It would be so easy to believe that it was just a momentary slip, that he did love her and he wanted to change, but he'd just had a moment. She knew about those moments. Addison looked away from the man on the opposite side of the table and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself.

"So you think guys like us... we just... that's who we are, and that's it?"

She took a few more beats and then returned her gaze to Karev. He looked so in need of a little hope that he didn't have to be "that guy."

"No one is just who they are and that's that. We have the ability to make choices, to do better, to ask more of ourselves. If you want to be a better man, Alex, just be one. Choose to be one and then show Izzie what you're capable of. Let her see that you want to be with her enough to at least try."

He looked at her for a long moment before a small smile crept onto his face.

"So there's hope for us arrogant bastards after all, huh?"

Addison smiled. "Always a little."

Karev stood and looked down at her from his full height.

"Thanks for, uh, for not telling me to get lost."

She nodded and the young man walked away. Addison suddenly felt exhausted, and she picked up her things and made her way back to her office. A half an hour later, she was back at her spare apartment. She walked past the emptiness and went to her bedroom, peeling off her clothes as she moved. Crawling into her brand-new king-sized bed, Addison pulled the silk linens tightly around her. But she didn't sleep. Instead she wondered about Alex Karev and if he had it in him, truly, to be the better man he clearly wanted to be. She hoped so. Despite almost everything he'd said or done around her in the past year, she kind of liked him. But God help poor Izzie if Alex was really the one, because it was going to be a long, hard road.

When she heard the knock at her door, Addison glanced at the clock and shook her head. Who the hell would show up at her house at 2:00 in the morning?

After pulling on her bathrobe, she padded out to the door and looked through the peephole. He looked positively miserable, and even though she thought he deserved to, Addison opened the door.

"Mark, did you happen to notice what time it was?"

"I did," he said, his shoulders actually slouched, and she realized she had never seen him look so... repentant. "I just really had something I wanted to say to you."

She let him in, and after closing the door, Addison leaned back against the wall in the entryway, making it clear to Mark that this was as far in as he was welcome.

"I screwed up, Addison. I totally screwed up."

"Yes," she agreed. "You did."

"There was Torres that first night, and then I swear, that was it. Just you after that. And it wasn't because I don't still love you, because I do."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"No," he said, shaking his head, "I just wanted you to know."

"Okay, I know. Can you go so I can go back to bed now, please?"

His hand was gentle but firm as he gripped her wrist when she reached for the door.

"One thing first."

She sighed and looked at him with sad eyes. "What?"

"What in the world did you do to Alex Karev?"

There was no accusation in his voice, so Addison didn't think Mark was implying anything untoward about her and the intern, but he definitely seemed to be confused, which mirrored her own state.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"He came into Joe's tonight," Mark explained, "and he told me that he was one to talk, but that I was an ass to throw away a chance with a woman like you if I had one. Then he said that if I had a brain in my head, I'd find you and ask you if there was anything I could do to show you I didn't want to be 'that guy' anymore. Then he walked off and went to play darts with Stevens, who apparently gets to call him names for every Bull's-Eye she lands. That girl's got a mouth on her, let me tell you."

Addison laughed, imagining the monikers Izzie had probably coming up with for Alex.

"So I ask again, what did you do to him? Because last I checked, Karev hated you and worshiped me, and yet I'm getting lectured by my own intern."

She shrugged and turned, moving into the living room. After a moment's hesitation, Mark followed.

"Well, I am Satan after all... there's no end to my powers."

Addison sat down on one of the two chairs that made up her living room furnishings. Mark sank down in the other.

"Then tell me, o' powerful one... how do I manage to convince you that I deserve one last chance? Because really, Addison, I wanted to leave that guy behind. But... I guess wanting wasn't enough."

She sighed and looked at him, studying his face. He was sincere and he was a little bit desperate, and Addison couldn't help but be moved by that. And when push came to shove, Mark was an important piece of her life... he was part of her family... and she wanted to believe that her feelings for him weren't folly or insanity. The man who made her want to trust had to be in there somewhere.

But what if he wasn't? The fear of that was nearly paralyzing. Addison couldn't stand the thought of giving too much to Mark, letting him in too deeply only to end up alone having to start over again. She had believed in Derek's promise of forever, and he was "Derek" and he'd been unable to keep his word. How in God's name was she supposed to believe Mark could do it?

"Prove to me that you mean it," she said, her voice low, reflecting the fear inherent in giving him another chance, which was clearly what she was doing.

He smiled and leaned closer, his hand reaching for hers. She felt his fingers curl around her palm.

"So there's still a little hope for me?"

She remembered her earlier talk with Alex, and Addison felt a grin pulling at the edges of her mouth.

"Always a little," she replied. "Just don't make me regret it."

Mark drew her hand to his chest and held it there tightly. Addison sighed and closed her eyes. She wasn't alone anymore. She was on a limb with her heart at risk... but Mark was there with her. And even though she was terrified, somehow his being beside her made it better.

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