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The Present Day
Alexis sucked in her breath, desperately trying to close the final inch on the zipper of her black Armani skirt, but the
effort was futile and, letting out a rush of air, she admitted defeat. Turning to the side, she looked in the full-length
mirror, taking in her own profile. She'd only gained seven pounds, but her whole body seemed to be moving and changing in
ways she'd never imagined she'd experience. And the changes were certainly coming for a reason Alexis had never thought would
affect her life.
She ran her hands over her still-flat stomach and sighed. No one else knew what was going on in there except her doctor
and her baby's father. That would change shortly, though. Even if she was only going to have to go up a size tomorrow when
she went shopping, Alexis knew it wouldn't be long before all of her friends and relatives were in on their little secret.
That thought caused her to take another deep breath and let it out slowly. God help her when the cat got out of the bag.
Telling Sonny had been difficult enough. It wasn't that she'd been afraid to tell him so much as that she didn't want
him feeling trapped by the news. Despite an obsessive need for control that rivaled her own, Sonny had really had very little
choice in his experiences with parenthood and marriage over the years, and Alexis didn't want him to feel that he was once
again in a situation with no options. He'd been forced to marry Lily and Carly and been devastated when the children he'd
expected with both women never lived to be born. From the moment the doctor had given her the news, Alexis knew that her
main goal would be to let him know that she would always welcome him into their child's life, but would place no expectations
beyond that upon his shoulders.
Still, it had taken her a good 24 hours to accept that she was indeed going to have the child of the man she loved and
that she would most likely be doing it alone. Alexis wasn't in denial about what had happened in New York between them, she
knew that he loved her. What she didn't know was if he was or would ever be in love with her, and he'd made it very clear
that he wasn't ready to deal with that yet. His distance hadn't surprised her despite the intensity of their night together.
How that had all unfolded still seemed like another of her fantasies, yet the proof of its reality was growing under the hand
that still rested on her belly.
**********************************
Four Months Earlier
Alexis was home reading, trying to distract herself from thoughts of Sonny when a knock she knew as only his sounded on
her door. She had known the moment she saw him that he was upset about something, but given the complicated life he led,
the what of it eluded her. What she did know was that whenever he couldn't bring his eyes up to meet hers, that meant that
something painful had opened up inside of him and he couldn't face it.
"Sonny, are you all right?"
He looked up at her after what seemed an eternity and she saw the well of hurt that was resting in his dark eyes. When
he finally spoke, his voice was full of emotion and he had difficulty actually saying the words.
"I gotta get out of here."
Alexis had stepped closer to him, thinking he meant to leave her apartment, and she reached her hand to his arm. He looked
down at the floor then continued to speak.
"I'm gonna do something that...I'm gonna lose it if I don't get out of here, Alexis."
She didn't know what had caused this, but she did know that he'd just admitted he was losing control, and nothing in her
life had ever frightened her so much as that admission. She also know that "here" wasn't her place, it was Port
Charles as a whole, and so she only had one choice.
"Then let's go."
Alexis grabbed her coat off the couch and then took Sonny's hand. He squeezed hers tightly as he finally brought his
eyes back up to her face. Nodding, he followed her out of the door.
They hadn't really had a plan when they'd climbed into the limousine. Johnny and Rick were both up front, quietly confused
at what exactly had put their boss so on edge, and Sonny had simply told them to get on the Interstate and get out of town.
Alexis leaned back against the seat, her eyes wandering over to him. His whole body was tense, and his left hand absently
rubbed back and forth against the line of his jaw as he started out of the window. Silence ruled the car, and Alexis knew
that when he was ready, he would say what needed to be said. At that moment her instincts were telling her to just be there
with him, let him feel her presence, and to trust his trust in her.
They drove for hours until Sonny realized they were heading toward New York City. He suddenly reached out and buzzed
the front of the car.
"Take us 3790 Carerra Street."
Johnny gave no reply, but Alexis sensed that Sonny's man knew were they were heading because she felt the car begin to
merge toward the right in preparation for an exit. They drove for another hour before the limousine came to a stop in front
of a schoolyard and Sonny lowered the windows. It was late and school had already dismissed for the day, but lots of kids
were still out on the playground, enjoying games of basketball and tag. The sound of laughter began to waft over toward them.
It made her smile. She turned to look at Sonny and saw that the happy noise was only deepening his pain. He was as close
to crying as he could be without the tears spilling down his cheeks. No longer able to take it, Alexis reached over and took
his hand in hers. Sonny instantly took in a deep breath. He was fighting so hard not to just let go and cry. That was when
Alexis had made her decision. She leaned forward and tapped on the privacy glass, which Johnny lowered a bit so he could
hear her.
"Johnny, take us to the Four Seasons. Call ahead and ask for Raphael. Tell him I need a suite for the night...actually,
you guys need a place, too..."
"Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. I'll take care of it right now."
Johnny raised the glass back up and Alexis turned to look at Sonny again. He was still averting his eyes from hers, but
she felt movement against her hand and looked down to see that he had tightened his hold on her.
Raphael had definitely remembered Alexis' name from some lengthy and expensive past stays she'd at the hotel, and all
she'd had to do was sign on the registration card and take her key when they arrived. Johnny and Rick escorted them to the
suite but remained outside once they entered. Alexis had no idea where the two men would go or if they intended to sleep
but she couldn't spare them the concern. Right now Sonny needed every ounce she had.
He walked into the suite and crossed to the window, his eyes fixing on the view. Alexis took off her coat and dropped
it on one of the chairs, then she crossed to where he stood, stopping just shy of touching him.
"You haven't eaten all day, have you?"
Sonny shook his head in response. The silence of his answer tugged at her heart. Alexis could really never remember
seeing Sonny this hurt, and it was a painful thing to watch. Still, she wouldn't push him for an answer as to why. What
she could do, though, was try and take care of him in other ways.
"Okay, I'm going to go freshen up. Why don't you order us some room service? We'll have dinner, we'll sit, we'll
talk, we'll not talk. Whatever we need to do."
He turned then, his eyes locking with hers, and Alexis knew with full certainty that Sonny had only had one place to go
tonight, and the place was to her.
"What should I order for you?" Sonny's voice was still strained, but some of the emotion of earlier seemed
to have dissipated.
"A cheeseburger and fries, what do you think?"
For the first time since he'd come to her door that night, Sonny came close to cracking a smile. She felt safe leaving
him for the few minutes it took her to go to the restroom and splash some cold water on her face. Alexis picked up the complimentary
hairbrush and ran it through her hair a few times, finding comfort in the familiar motion. Then she looked at herself in
the mirror with a silent command to focus. After a few moments of concentration, she returned to the living room.
Sonny had taken off his jacket and was sitting on the couch. Alexis crossed to the sofa and sat down at the other end.
She leaned against the arm so she was sitting sideways with her legs crossed staring straight at him.
"Dinner's on the way up."
She nodded and settled back in her seat, waiting.
"Thanks for coming with me. I know I just assumed that..."
"I'm the one who pulled you out of the door, Sonny," Alexis said in a gentle voice. "If it hadn't been
something I wanted to do, I wouldn't have done it."
Sonny still kept his eyes from hers, but he nodded, accepting her words. They fell back into silence and then a knock
at the door sounded. Sonny stood and walked over, opening it to find Johnny standing guard and the room service waiter looking
quite intimidated. Sonny signed for the dinner, handed a tip to the waiter and took the cart inside. He settled the cart
in front of the sofa and then sat back down. Alexis, despite her concern for Sonny, was starving. She quickly uncovered
her burger and fries and took a few bites. Sparing a glance Sonny's direction, she saw that Sonny had uncovered a roast beef
sandwich, but hadn't so much as touched it.
"You know, we are best friends and I know you hate to make me worry, but I am, I have to admit, worried, though I
think if you would agree to eat a few bites of that sandwich I might be able to stop worrying."
Again a near smile graced his face, and despite himself, Sonny reached down and took the sandwich in hand. Alexis knew
he didn't want to eat it, but he took a bite of the sandwich and leaned back against the couch, his head turning toward her.
Alexis smiled and popped a French fry into her mouth.
"See, I'm worrying less already."
An hour later Sonny had eaten half the sandwich and Alexis had moved the cart away. He was back at the window, his eyes
fixed once again on the skyline outside. Alexis walked up behind him, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder.
"Sonny, is there anything you want me to do?"
She stood there, waiting, and instead of answering her, Sonny reached up and put his hand over hers. Alexis had thought
at first he was going to try and push her away, but then she felt him pull on her hand, bringing her closer to him. Taking
his cue, Alexis stepped so she was up against his back, and she put her other hand on his shoulder.
"You saved my life by coming with me." His voice was tight and thick, and it made her heart ache once again.
"I didn't do anything, Sonny."
"I think I would have killed her. If Jax hadn't been there, if I hadn't thought to come to you, I don't know..."
Alexis felt her heart begin to beat rapidly in her chest. Who was she, and what the hell did Jax have to do with whatever
had devastated him so deeply?
"Sonny, please tell me what happened."
He was quiet for a long time, and all the while he held tightly to her hand and Alexis stood still, letting the warmth
from her body try to comfort him in any way it could.
"I went to the Grill to meet Courtney. She, uh, she finally agreed to have dinner with me so we could talk."
Alexis was even more worried now. If it was Courtney he'd almost hurt...but Alexis couldn't imagine that.
"I'm glad she wanted to talk with you."
Sonny nodded. "Yeah, she seemed to even be looking forward to it, then, uh, I noticed that A.J. and Skye were there.
I tried to avoid them, you know, I did. I didn't want to get into it with either one of the, not in front of Courtney, but
she just doesn't know how to leave things alone."
And now Alexis knew who "she" was. Skye Quartermaine was a plague. She had hurt Jax and helped cause the rift
between Sonny and Courtney. Somehow Alexis sensed that those two crimes were nothing compared with what she'd done tonight.
"She walked up and got right in my face again. And I tried...I heard you, Alexis, I heard you telling me to just
walk away in my head, and I tried. Then she said that nothing A.J. had ever done was so bad that I had the right to try and
hurt him."
Her eyes closed as she felt the pain deepen in his body. Alexis knew that the words had taken him to the one single event
in his life that wounded him even more deeply than Lily's death, even more permanently than the sounds of his mother's cries
for help as Deke had advanced on her...his son.
"I looked her in the eye and I told her that he was the man who had killed my son, and that I would never stop hating
him for that."
Sonny stopped talking, and his body began to shake. He released her hand and Alexis stepped closer to him, her arms wrapping
around him.
"She said," his voice broke, and Alexis knew that there were now tears on his face even without being able to
see them, "she said that my son was better off never being born than being a part of my life."
Later, Alexis would learn that Jax had heard Skye's spiteful words and stepped immediately between her and Sonny. When
he'd seen the rage in Sonny's face, he'd simply said, "Don't dishonor your son, Sonny, she's not worth it." How
Jax had said the one thing he probably could have said to keep Sonny's hands from around Skye's neck Alexis would never know,
but she knew she owed him a debt she could never repay.
But that knowledge would come later. In that moment in the hotel suite, Sonny's body shaking in her arms and Alexis'
own tears now streaming down her face, she had simply forced him to turn to her and taken him fully in her arms. His grief
unleashed itself in a torrent the moment he was secure in her hold, and as his legs gave out, Alexis fought to support him
as she sank to her knees. Sonny's weight was fully on her, but she didn't care how much strain she felt growing in her arms
and back. She would never let him go.
The only word that Alexis could think of to describe Sonny's pain was savage. It was tearing away at his heart and his
soul and he had nothing inside of him that could push it away. So she would have to do it for him.
"Your son was a loved child, Sonny. You and I both know that isn't a guarantee in this life. He would have been
blessed to have you for a father, and no one, " Alexis moved her hands to his face and forced his eyes to hers, "no
one with any humanity in them would think otherwise."
His eyes burned into hers as tears continued to pour from them. "I loved him so much."
Alexis leaned forward, and as his eyelids fluttered shut, she kissed first one eye then the other with the gentlest of
touches. "I know," was all that she said.
Sonny opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on her face. She could see so many parts of Sonny in that gaze, the scared little
boy, the strong man, the grieving father and the man desperate for control. In that gaze, Alexis saw all the reasons that
she loved him.
She leaned forward and put her lips against his. The kiss was just as gentle as the ones she had placed on his tired,
red eyes, and he seemed to be uncertain what she was offering to him. But Alexis was certain. She could never take away
the pain he felt over his loss, but tonight, this pain, she could take away. Leaning closer, Alexis kissed him again, this
kiss less gentle and her hands moved on his face. Suddenly Sonny pulled her to him, his mouth returning the kiss with pure
ferocity and desire. Alexis felt her breath swept from her body as Sonny's hands began to roam over her, and as her own long-checked
want for this man coursed through her body, Alexis knew that she would never regret this choice.
The night had passed in the rustling of clothes and sheets and a chorus of soft moans and pleasure-filled screams as Sonny
and Alexis came together in a night more emotional than either could ever remember. It was only as dawn began to break that
Sonny curled into her body, his head coming to rest on her chest as she stroked his hair until she felt him fall asleep.
Her hands continued to soothe and comfort him until sleep finally claimed her as well.
It was after 10:00 before Alexis opened her own eyes. She was now curled against Sonny, his arms wrapped around her,
and she could tell from his breathing that he was awake. She remembered her promise to herself and in her mind thought, "no
regrets." Still, she wasn't quite ready to look him in the eye, so she snuggled against him.
"Alexis." His voice was his own again. The raw, pain-filled edge was gone.
She kept her body still and replied, "Sonny."
"I just want you to know that last night, it could have only happened with you."
And despite herself, Alexis felt tears well up in her own eyes. She had known that, somewhere deep down, but she doubted
he would ever know what it meant to her to hear him say it, and so rather than try to explain, she simply said, "I know."
*******************
Present Day
The skirt was still hopeless once Alexis' wandering memory came back to her, and so she stood and slipped it off. A pair
of comfortable black linen pants with a drawstring waist would have to do. Besides, Sonny didn't care what she wore to dinner,
he only cared to see her eat something healthy and spend time with her. Brushing her hair, Alexis quickly replayed the last
few months in her head. Before they'd left New York, Alexis had said to Sonny that she expected nothing from him.
"What happened here was beautiful and I will always carry it with me. If it's only this one night, then so be it."
She couldn't help but feel a little twinge at the relief her words brought to his face, but then he'd reached out and
taken her hands in his.
"I'm not sure how I feel about things right now, Alexis, but you're right. Last night was beautiful, and I will
never be sorry it happened."
Somehow his words had made her feel better. And she knew from his tenderness that he did love her. Still, she knew that
neither of them knew if it was the love of a best friend or another kind of love, and so they had agreed to leave things alone
for the time being.
And so they had returned to their life in Port Charles, to their meetings and coffee contracts and home-cooked meals at
his place and popcorn and talking sessions at hers and somehow the rhythm that was Sonny and Alexis had returned to normal.
And then Alexis had gotten the news.
After taking a day to deal with the shock, Alexis had steeled herself and gone to Sonny's. She'd had a whole speech planned,
a grandiose dialogue about how much she cared for him and how good a father she knew he would be, but in true Alexis form,
she'd barely made it inside the door when her nerves had gotten the better of her and she'd blurted out, "I'm pregnant."
Sonny's face had frozen in shock, and at first she thought he might pass out. Then he shook his head as if he'd just
been hit in the face with cold water.
"Wh...what?"
"I'm pregnant. New York pregnant."
While she'd been chiding herself about ruining her perfect speech and wondering if she'd have to call the paramedics to
rouse Sonny from paralysis because he wasn't even blinking, Sonny took a step forward and placed his hand on her stomach.
"Please have it."
It had never occurred to Alexis that Sonny might think she wouldn't want their child, and as she brought her eyes up to
his, she saw a genuine fear there that she might not want the baby.
"Sonny, of course I'm having it. I would never give up our baby."
Relief flooded his face, and Sonny pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Tears swept down her cheeks as she
felt the intensity of his need for this child.
"We'll find a way to make this all work. I promise, Sonny."
And they were trying to make it work. Sonny asked all the right questions and he cooked for her and he'd even joked with
her about some names, but the one thing he wouldn't do was open the envelope she'd given him two weeks ago that contained
an ultrasound photo of their daughter. Alexis knew why, and it broke her heart, but once again she knew that she could not
push Sonny. He would tell her when he was ready.
Finally dressed in something that resembled clothing that fit, Alexis walked downstairs and out of her penthouse, crossing
the entryway to Sonny's place. Johnny smiled and opened the door for her without even knocking. Johnny, Max and Francis...she
always forgot they knew about the baby until she saw one of them smile at her. Okay, so they were in on the secret, too.
Alexis never raised an eyebrow when one of them accompanied her out of the building now. Her protection was the one thing
she would not challenge Sonny on, not now, not ever again as long as their child was involved.
She walked into the apartment and instantly smelled the aroma of garlic and onions. It smelled heavenly, and her stomach
growled. Laughing, she called out to Sonny.
"I'm here."
"Dinner's almost ready. Make yourself comfortable."
Alexis headed to the sofa and saw that Sonny had her favorite apple juice sitting on a tray with his bottle of wine.
Chuckling, she settled down onto the sofa and leaned back, her hands coming to rest on her stomach.
"You're a lucky little girl."
Resting her eyes, Alexis marveled again at how different her reaction to her pregnancy was then she would have thought
it might be. The idea of motherhood had always terrified her, and even the idea of having Ned's children had never appealed
to her. She had too much baggage, she'd told herself, to give any child the love and balance they needed. But she'd never
felt one moment of fear or doubt about her ability to love this baby and give it everything it needed. Maybe it was as simple
as the fact that she was Sonny's, and anything that was a part of that man would own Alexis' heart.
That was the last thought Alexis had before she drifted off to sleep.
************************
The penthouse had changed a lot over the years, Alexis noted as she stood at the top of the stairs watching her husband.
The dark, somber quality of their living space had given way to rich earth tones of greens and browns and the house was always
filled with a sense of hope and lightness. The changes were, she knew, a great deal like those Sonny Corinthos himself had
experienced over the last 16 years.
As she descended the steps, Alexis took in the sight of him as he took stock of his own reflection in the mirror. He
was dressed in a tuxedo, a white rose in his lapel. Gray now colored his temples, but it only made him more handsome. The
truth was, he still took her breath away.
Sonny smiled wide as she wrapped her arms around him, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder.
"She almost ready?" he asked.
"Just about. She's very excited about having you all to herself, you know."
"Well, she is one of my best girls."
Sonny reached up to straighten his tie and the motion made Alexis sigh heavily. Then she remembered something important
she had to tell him. "Oh, I almost forgot. Michael called. He said to tell you that he doesn't know what I was talking
about because Harvard isn't hard at all and he's going to ace all his finals next week and be home by Friday."
"Oh, so I'm just paying for tutors because he needs to meet girls?"
Alexis smiled and her hand rose to brush Sonny's cheek.
"I don't know, you seemed to have done okay with the girl you paid to pay attention to you."
Alexis saw the glint in her husband's eye as her words registered in his mind, and soon she was tightly wrapped in Sonny's
arms, his lips kissing hers in a kiss that people would have credited to newlyweds, not an old married couple.
"Oh, God, Natasha, they're kissing again!"
Alexis and Sonny broke apart as the outraged tone of their 12-year-old daughter Chloe filled their ears. Sonny laughed
and moved toward the staircase as Chloe ran the last few steps and jumped into his arms, still reveling in this last precious
bit of time in which she would be a little girl.
"I can't help it, Chloe. Your mama is just so kissable."
Sonny began to tickle Chloe mercilessly, and Alexis laughed as her "baby" begged for mercy knowing she would
get none. Chloe was her father's daughter in coloring and in looks, but she had Alexis' goofy, neurotic personality. She
and Sonny were best friends, and Alexis loved to see them play together. Finally when Chloe was almost out of breath Sonny
stopped tickling her and planted a big kiss on her cheek.
"Daddy, when I'm 16, do I get to go to a dance with you, too?"
"Yes, you will," he assured her. "You'll get to go shopping with mama and buy a pretty new dress and then
I'll take you out on the town and it'll be just us." Sonny glanced at Alexis and then leaned conspiratorially toward
his youngest child. "Just like the track, only better."
They would have both gotten the scolding of their life then if Alexis' eyes hadn't been diverted by a movement at the
top of the stairs. Sonny and Chloe noticed her look up and their gazes followed hers in time to see Natasha walk down toward
them dressed in the pretty azure blue dress Alexis had helped her pick out for tonight. Natasha looked like the mother who's
name she carried, but she had her father's serious ways, and it warmed Alexis' heart to see the little girl hesitancy on her
face as she looked to her father for approval.
"Oh, sweetheart," Sonny said as she moved toward her with open arms, "you look beautiful."
Natasha smiled shyly and hugged her father tightly.
"Thank you, Daddy. I love you so much."
Alexis felt her heart swell as Chloe ran over and wrapped her arms around Alexis' waist as she, too, looked on at her
father and sister. And then Alexis saw Sonny's eyes focus on hers and his lips move in two silent words meant only for her
- they were 'thank you.'
******************
Alexis woke slowly, not wanting to let go of the dream, but a sound coming from behind her seemed to be beckoning to her.
She stretched and turned around and then saw what it was that had willed her back to reality.
Sonny was sitting in his chair at the dining room table. The long-unopened envelope lay on the floor next to him. And
Sonny sat in the chair, his eyes fixed on the ultrasound of their daughter as tears streamed down his face.
Alexis moved to him instantly, kneeling before him. She took his free hand in hers and held it tightly.
"I'm so afraid to love her, to love you both."
"Sonny..." His name was all she said as she brought a hand to his cheek.
"I want to, I want to let you both in my heart, but I'm...."
"You're doing just fine, Sonny," she said, reassuring him. "I know that you love us. She knows because
I tell her all the time."
"But that's not all I want. I don't just want..." he looked at the table then back at Alexis, "this, you
coming back and forth, me being your best friend. I want all of it. I just don't think I could live through it if anything
took you both away from me, and I thought if kept you at arm's length..."
He trailed off, his unusually emotional confession taking its toll.
"And it doesn't work, does it?" she asked, "Because no matter what you do, we're already a part of you."
Sonny nodded.
"That's how I felt, Sonny, when I realized that I loved you. I thought if I just kept telling myself we were only
friends, then it would be true. But it isn't true, is it?"
Alexis waited as Sonny struggled with himself. His heart and his mind were warring silently, and she could not do anything
more to help him. Then suddenly Sonny stood, taking her with him, and he pulled her into his arms as his lips found hers.
Alexis gave no pretense of resistance. She loved him and she wanted him, and she would not hold herself back from him.
Somehow they made it upstairs, dinner forgotten and only this one moment important. A myriad of silk and linen garments
made their way to the floor and once again Alexis and Sonny said with their bodies what was so hard to say in words. Their
kisses and touches communicated in a new language about love and need and commitment. Yet in that private, intimate discussion,
Sonny seemed to have found his way because as they made love, he pulled back from her, his eyes holding hers in the grip of
his intensity and sincerity.
"I love you, Alexis. I love you."
And though there seemed to be no response she could utter that would bring him the same joy as his words brought to her,
Alexis was surprised to find that only two words had given Sonny the same feeling that he had created in her.
"I know."
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