Derek stood on the catwalk and stared out of the gigantic picture window. The moon was incredibly bright, and his eyes fixed on it as his mind wondered how something so many thousands of miles away could be so clear while the emotions inside of him were a jumbled mess.

Chief among his chaotic feelings was relief. He had never been so grateful to get a page as he had when Richard called to tell him that Addison was awake and alert. That news had not only eased Derek's fear over her condition, but it had also taken a heavy burden off his heart. Though he would never have balked at the responsibility, there had been every chance that his decision to wait could have been wrong, that the swelling in Addison's brain could have increased and put her in mortal danger. To know that was no longer a possibility allowed him to draw in the first full breath he had taken in hours.

An honest evaluation told him that next, he felt an odd mix of confusion and happiness. Derek had no idea what it meant in the larger picture that he was the father of the baby his soon-to-be ex-wife was carrying, but he couldn't deny that he was undeniably glad that the baby had survived the day's events. And while he could easily dismiss his delight as being all about Addison's well-being--not having to see her endure that loss--the small flutter in his gut every time he actually thought the words 'Addison is carrying our child' was a sign of something.

A child... it had been so long since he'd thought about being a father. Early dreams of parenthood in their marriage had given way to busy careers and a sort of acceptance that if it hadn't happened yet, it just wasn't time. That it was now... now when they were so distant, when they were both moving on with new lives... The timing seemed to him a reinforcement of all that he'd been thinking over and over and over in his head the last few weeks.

He and Addison were connected. It had been true emotionally before he had known about the baby. Now it was true in a very real, physical way. And the only way for those bonds to be broken, both the emotional and the physical, were for Derek to walk away completely, to bury the love he now knew he still carried for her, and to give up the child they had made together.

If he really loved Meredith, if she was what he wanted, Derek knew that might be his only choice. His actions as of late were proof to him that he was more or less just repeating the behavior he'd displayed while with Addison and missing Meredith as he was now that he was with Meredith and missing Addison. If he was going to commit, he had to withdraw from his wife's life altogether in the hopes that he'd eventually be able to let her go. But now there was the baby. And he couldn't not see Addison, not talk to her, not be reminded all the time of how he felt if he was raising their baby with her.

The thought of giving up so much made his heart ache, literally, to the point where Derek had to move from in front of the window and make his way to the doctor's lounge where he could sit down. Before, as much as it had hurt, giving up his marriage had only meant giving up his past. Now it was his past and his future--at least, one possible future that lay before him.

But holding on... holding on to Addison and their baby and whatever future the three of them could share together could mean losing Meredith for good. It was one thing to request her patience while he grieved in some way for his marriage. It was another thing entirely to ask her to share in a family--one that would always include Addison. He wasn't honestly sure what Meredith even thought about kids. Did she want them? He had somehow always assumed if he did, she would, too, but they had never really had that conversation. And the timing... she was an intern with years left ahead of her. She had a surgical career she needed to establish. Would Meredith want to sacrifice what it would take to be part of his child's life?

His child... the little flutter hit him again, and Derek sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. He wondered where he'd be right now if the scenario in the trailer that night had played out differently, if he had gone home without ever seeing Meredith kissing another man. Addison would still have been there waiting for him, but instead of crushing her hopes for their marriage, Derek would have arrived home, grabbed her bag, put it in the car, and they'd have gone off on their romantic weekend. They'd have been in bed after making love or at a quiet dinner, probably, when she'd have broken the news.

[i]"Derek, I'm pregnant."[/i]

She would have said it just like that, he imagined. Simple, matter of fact, but with joy. Would he have been happy? Would he have said something stupid? Derek wasn't sure. He only knew that it looked, from his side of the looking glass, like a far easier reality than the one he found himself in now.

Not so easy, but no less possible was a scene in which he'd still gone home to end his marriage, his jealousy over Meredith fueling his actions. Only instead of holding her head high and walking away, Addison would've confessed her pregnancy then and waited to see his reaction.

[i]"She was afraid you'd stay with her just for the baby. That's the main reason she didn't tell you. She felt like you all deserved better than that."[/i]

Derek closed his eyes as Mark's words replayed in his mind. Was she right? Confronted with a choice between giving up Meredith again or walking out on his pregnant wife, would he have given into his impulse to be "the good guy" just to save face?

He knew the answer without really giving it much thought, and Derek marveled at how well Addison knew him. Noble was his shtick. He'd have stayed, Addison would have let him, and chances were they'd be miserable by now. It would've been a horrible situation to bring a baby into. But she had saved them from that.

When the door to the lounge began to open, Derek braced himself. He knew it was Meredith. After avoiding his calls since his stupid fight with Mark, Meredith had suddenly begun paging him after, he assumed, word of Addison's attack had spread through the hospital. He didn't imagine his girlfriend liked being avoided any more than he had, but Derek honestly hadn't begun to think about how he was going to tell her what he had learned today.

"Hey," she said, stepping in and slipping down on the couch beside him.

He looked toward her to reply, but when he opened his mouth, he found himself suddenly unable to say anything. Derek offered her a smile instead.

"I was... I was worried about you."

"Yeah," he replied, his throat suddenly dry. "I, uh... I was... things with, uh, with Addison were... intense."

"I heard." Meredith lifted her left hand and drew it down along the side of his face. "But she's okay, right?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, the, uh, the swelling reduced on its own. We--we got lucky. If he'd used a little more force when he pushed her, if she'd hit at a different angle..."

He couldn't finish the sentence. Taking in a deep breath, he shook his head, trying to chase the "what if" images away.

"But she's okay?"

The repeated question drew Derek's eyes toward her.

"Meredith, I said she was gonna be fine."

She shrugged. "Okay. It's just that Izzie said the chief asked her to stay on call tonight so she could check up on Addison. Which seems, I don't know, a little weird if she's okay."

"Richard..." Derek paused. He didn't want to be dishonest, but he truly wanted at least a full day to digest what was happening around him--to him--before he had to discuss it with anyone else. "Richard's just being overcautious. You know how he feels about her."

"Yeah, I do. But..."

"But?" he asked, knowing that his hoped for reprieve was slipping away with every moment the conversation went on.

"But... I don't know. I just... I didn't know what to feel all day, you know? I wanted her to be okay and I wanted to help you, but you wouldn't let me or didn't want me to. I know we were in a bad place before this even happened, but..."

"It's not that I didn't want your help," he said, a feeling of guilt washing over him. No matter what he did, he seemed to hurt one of the women in his life. And no matter how many times he made note of that, it wasn't getting any better. "I just... what was going on with Addison, it wasn't... there was more to it."

"More to her injuries?" Meredith asked. "Is that why Izzie's supposed to monitor her?"

Derek stood and walked slowly across the room. He turned, leaning against the wall as his eyes fell on Meredith's worried face. He needed to tell her. It was selfish not to, and he'd been selfish enough for one lifetime lately. It also wasn't fair to ask Stevens to lie or invent stories while he tried to man up and deal with reality.

"This is private, okay? It needs to stay private. Until Addison decides otherwise, it needs to be private."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Addison is pregnant."

He said it without fanfare and waited for her to explode. Derek was stunned when, instead, Meredith gave him a wide-eyed look, then chuckled softly.

"Wow. I, uh... I didn't expect things with her and Mark to move so fast. Are you... I mean, did you know they were that serious? Is that what the fight was about?"

It wasn't an illogical conclusion to jump to. The only way any staffer at Seattle Grace had missed Mark's intent when it came to Addison was if they were blind and deaf. And Addison spent a lot of time with him. To someone who only knew his wife at a surface level, to eyes that hadn't seen how devastated she was over their breakup, Derek could see that all adding up to Addison being pregnant with Mark Sloan's child. But he knew better.

"Addison is 12 weeks pregnant, Mer. The baby is mine."

The change that came over Meredith's face was similar to what happened when Derek told a patient their case was hopeless. She mentally denied and rebutted his statement a hundred times over before she spoke.

"She would have told you. She'd have told you when you said you were leaving her."

Derek shook his head. "No. No, she didn't. She wouldn't have."

Meredith rose from the couch and walked toward him.

"So, what, she was just going to wait and drop this little bombshell on us, when... when we moved in together, got engaged, married? Or was she just not going to tell you about the baby at all?"

"That's not what happened," Derek replied. He could hear the defensive edge in his tone.

"How the hell do you know?"

The sharp rise in her voice prompted Derek to look over to make sure the door was closed. He turned back quickly, ready to speak, but Meredith cut him off.

"I mean, seriously, Derek, how do you know Addison isn't playing some game here to try to get you back, to break us up? And how can you be so sure it's your baby?"

The words made him do a double take, and he felt his jaw tighten. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" she asked, her hand on her hip.

"Talk about her like that. She doesn't deserve that, especially coming from you, not when she tried so hard to treat you with decency in spite of the way I treated her."

A coldness formed in the room between them as Meredith stood there with her eyes still full of accusation and anger over his defense of Addison.

"How is she pregnant, Derek? How is the woman you're divorcing pregnant with your baby?"

This time, her tone made him snap.

"Because she was my wife, Meredith, and I was supposed to be trying to fix my marriage, and baby's just happen--that's life. And before you say something else that's gonna piss me off even more, remember what you were doing nights while you and I were apart!"

Stepping back from her, Derek forced himself to take a deep breath and hold his tongue back from saying anything else. He hadn't meant to yell or to bring up her many one-night stands, but it was done, and Meredith glared at him in response.

"You're actually mad at me because I'm upset that you're having a baby with another woman?"

"No, you get to be mad about that. I get it." Derek moved away from her, needing some distance. "I'm mad that you're standing there screaming crap about Addison when she could have died today, when our baby could have died, and I spent my entire day worried about them while trying to figure out how the hell I feel about all this!"

Meredith spun away from him and returned to the couch, sinking down on it, her head in her hands. Derek wished he felt like moving to her to offer some kind of comfort. They were quiet a moment as they both digested the things they had said to one another.

"You don't know how you feel," she said, looking up and catching his eye. "Does that mean that... are you saying you might... that you might not want this?"

"I'm saying I don't know how I feel," he answered. "I'm a million things right now, Mer. I'm glad she's okay--that they're both okay, I'm shocked, I'm worried, I'm disappointed Addison didn't come to me, I'm pissed at myself because she felt like she couldn't."

"So you want it?" she asked.

"I didn't say that."

"So you don't?"

"Meredith... I told you, I don't know. I don't know. You're asking me if I'm the kind of man who can walk away from his child, and I'm telling you that I don't know the answer to that question, and that's not a fact I'm very proud of."

She fell silent again, her eyes dropping to the floor.

"Are you happy about it?"

Sighing, Derek ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not unhappy. Right now, that's all I know."

He saw tears threatening at Meredith's eyes, and then she stood and walked far enough across the room so that her back was to him.

"Meredith..."

He said her name, and she stopped but didn't turn back to him.

"I'm sorry."

She nodded an acknowledgement to his apology and then walked out the door without another word. Exhausted, Derek moved back to the couch and slumped down against the cushions.

[i]"You need to be sure about what you want, what you feel about the baby before you say anything to her. Because if you don't want to be that little girl's father... once you say that to her, you can't take it back, Derek."[/i]

There had been a time when Derek knew that being "that little girl's father" would have been a dream realized. He was equally aware of the fact that now, despite the circumstances, what he'd said to Meredith was the truth. He wasn't unhappy about the baby. Scared, confused, totally and completely bewildered--but not unhappy.

That one emotional certainty was where he would start his effort to unravel the rest.

*****

"You should go home and get some sleep."

Mark lifted his bleary eyes from the cup of coffee he was barely hanging on to and found Izzie Stevens smiling down at him from where she stood in the hallway.

"I doubt I'd make it home, even if this is my twelfth cup of coffee today."

She laughed and sat down in the chair next to him.

"I'm officially on call tonight, but unofficially, the chief made it clear I'm supposed to watch out for Addison. So really, you should call it a night."

Mark nodded and twisted the cup around in his hand. "I should. She'll give me ten thousand kinds of hell tomorrow about being tired. But I just feel like I want to stay close, you know?"

"Can I ask you a question, then," Stevens asked, "since you're, you know, lurking in the hallways? I mean, it's kind of a silly question, but after the day we've all had, silly feels sort of required right now."

He took a sip of his tepid coffee and laughed. "Shoot."

"Well, I'm not even sure what made me notice, but... the chief, Mrs. Webber and Derek, they all knew Addison in New York, right, and their friends who were here, Savvy and Weiss--they all call her Addie. But you knew her there, too, and I noticed that you always call her Addison. Is there, like, a thing to that?"

The question surprised him, as did the observation. "You know, the only other person who ever called me on that is Addison."

"And?"

Mark glanced over at the blonde and tried not to laugh. She was getting very good at emulating Addison's raised eyebrow stare of impatience.

"I don't honestly know. I just never call her that. It's not who she is to me. She's just... Addison. Like... 'Addie' is someone I don't know. That comes from her life before I met her. But I know Addison."

Izzie smiled at his response. "It's been really great, getting to know her. I never imagined she'd be so funny or, you know, so... she's a really good friend."

"She is that," Mark said. "Probably a much better one than I deserve."

"But you want it to be more than that, right? I mean, that's why you came here?"

"That's why I came here," he answered honestly. "Whether or not it ever happens... well, I guess we'll find that out."

"Does... does the baby change that?"

Mark shook his head. "The only thing it changes is it means I'm gonna love her kid, too."

Rising from his seat, he moved to the trash can and tossed out the now cold, half-drunk cup of coffee. Izzie stood as well, moving closer to the door to Addison's room.

"Make sure she knows that."

Mark shot her a questioning look, and Izzie, reading his body language, continued on.

"When a woman's pregnant, everything about her life becomes about her [i]and[/i] her baby. Nothing about one doesn't involve the other. So make sure Addison knows, really knows, that you're willing to open your heart up to that baby, too. Because she's not going to be able to love anyone she can't trust with her child."

It was advice in the same vein as what he'd given Derek earlier, only Mark didn't need to examine his feelings or weigh out his options. He was all in, period.

"You know," he said, a grin creeping onto his face, "you keep this up, you're gonna be my first new friend in Seattle."

Izzie put on a hyper-excited expression and clapped her hands. "Does a free t-shirt come with that?"

They both laughed, and it felt good to finally have a moment of levity after all the stress from the day. Then Izzie motioned with her head, indicating the direction down the hall and away from Addison's room.

"You really should get some sleep. I'll page if there are any problems. Which there won't be. Because Dr. Bailey said so. And you know no one and nothing defies Dr. Bailey."

Mark nodded. "Yes, I have learned that lesson quickly and well."

"Okay, well, get some rest. I'll keep an eye on her."

Going obediently, Mark headed off to an empty on call room to try and get some sleep. He was completely exhausted. He only hoped that he could fend off the sick feeling that plagued him every time his mind got too quiet and he remembered seeing the woman he loved so hurt and still and vulnerable.

Climbing up to the top bunk, Mark eased his body onto the bed and sighed as his thoughts began to run away from him. He didn't know what to make of Derek's apparently calm reaction to the news he was going to be a father. For Addison's sake, Mark supposed he hoped it was genuine. But was he simply too stunned to react or was he already too far removed from the concept of "Derek and Addison" to care? And of course, there was the third possibility--the one that Mark feared most and that he knew Addison hoped for just as strongly--that Derek wanted his child and he was just processing those feelings while straddling a fine emotional line.

The man Mark Sloan had once thought of as his best friend--there was no doubt that man would want this baby regardless of the status of his marriage. But there were so few traces of that Derek left, it was hard to gauge his reactions. Or, Mark mused, maybe he just couldn't read his former friend anymore, period. That possibility only deepened Mark's worries. What if the thing he was unable to see wasn't just Derek wanting to be a father? What if he wanted to be a husband again? Addison's husband...

He wasn't sure if she'd take Derek back. Addison still loved the bastard, and Mark didn't try to pretend otherwise, but she was also not pretending that the man she'd believed was the love of her life wasn't the same man who had left her heart so numb, it barely knew how to beat anymore.

Mark wanted to believe he was man enough to both fight for her--because he was going to fight for her, that was a given--and to let her go if she ever said that she wanted to give Derek another chance. He knew already that he was prepared to be there for her and her child if she asked. But even if Derek walked away, there was no guarantee she would make that request of him.

He sighed and rolled over onto his side, staring at the wall. It was hard to imagine he could have finally come to this point in his life--to know real love, to feel it and be ready to fight for it--and still have it not be enough. But that chance was there, and it scared the hell out of him.

*****

Addison plopped her medical journal down on the nightstand and leaned against her pillows, deciding to try to enjoy a rare moment of quiet in her hospital room. For a woman who had, just a few months ago, thought herself without much of a life in Seattle apart from Derek, the past four days had cast a light on just how surrounded she was by people who cared for her.

It was no surprise that Adele and Richard were in and out of her room, fussing over her like the substitute parents they were to her. The Webbers had seen her through some difficult times in her life both professionally and personally, and Addison never doubted she could count on them, even if she did sometimes find herself worried about sticking them in the middle of her situation with Derek.

Miranda, who had quickly become one of the best friends Addison could ever remember having, was also always around. She had even brought Tuck by, the baby's happy giggles charming every nurse, doctor and intern who stepped through the door. Miranda was also amazingly good at knowing when Addison's stress and worry was about to send her emotions spiraling out of control, and when it happened, the famous "Nazi" personality would emerge, chasing off everyone until the two women were alone and Addison could rail or cry or do both with only Bailey's trusted ears present to take it all in.

Addison's favorite "get well" gift had come from Preston. He dropped by at least once a day, usually with a funny O.R. story. This morning, he'd come bearing a fabulously wrapped package, and when she had opened it, Addison found what Richard said made her an SGHer for life: a custom-made scrub cap ordered by Burke himself. It was white and covered with yellow "baby on board" signs and it had given Addison her best laugh of the week. She couldn't wait to get back to work and break it in on her very first surgery.

She had, though, also been incredibly touched when a package arrived from the Salton family. Addison had asked Izzie to let Harley know why she couldn't personally be there for her final post-delivery check-up, and the next day, the softest, most adorable teddy bear she had ever seen appeared with a note that read, "Jackson insisted we send Teddy's twin brother to look after his favorite doctor. Love, Harley, Joseph and Jackson."

There had been lots of talks with Izzie Stevens the last few days as well, the topics varying from what treat Addison wanted the blonde to bake for her to Izzie's continued struggle with her feelings for Denny Duquette. Occasionally the intern even managed to slip in an update from the O.B., neonatal and perinatal unit happenings, but they had to be careful that Bailey and the chief didn't catch them in those moments. Addison was on a strict "no work" policy as far as Richard was concerned, and Miranda was enforcing it wholeheartedly.

It was in those small snippets of conversation with the various members of her circle of friends that Addison had come to realize how much she'd started to depend on them, to let them in since her split with Derek. So much of her energy had been wrapped up in working on her marriage before that while she'd formed relationships, she hadn't had the proper time to nurture them. Now they were blossoming, and she was incredibly grateful to have them all.

Another important part of that support system was Mark. He was with her as much as his schedule would allow, and sometimes Addison found herself awed by how well he seemed to know her. It was comforting and unsettling all at the same time, perhaps because for the first time, truly, she had begun to see how much of himself he had invested in his feelings for her.

There had been a time in her life, in her marriage, when Derek had been the same way--when there'd been no need to try to get his attention because she always had it. And it was impossible to deny how good it felt to have that again, to have someone she knew cared so much give himself to her so freely. But it scared her, too. She'd already promised herself she wouldn't turn to Mark romantically unless she was sure she really wanted him. She was determined to keep that promise. But there were times when he just held her and told her everything would be all right that Addison wanted to forget she wasn't sure she loved him and just give in to how much he loved her.

"Did I not tell you that naptime is from 11 to 2? Why are you awake?"

Addison laughed at Miranda's scolding and pointed to her stomach.

"It's her fault. She's bored and she's making me hungry. I can't sleep when I'm hungry."

Miranda brought her right hand to her hip as she stopped by the bedside, her eyes glancing over the fetal heart monitor readings before they rose to meet Addison's gaze.

"Don't be blaming my godchild 'cause you can't follow directions. See, this is why you need someone to stay with you when you go home tomorrow. Tell a person to nap, she doesn't nap. You'll be acting like bed rest means walking the dog two miles if I let you go home alone."

"Excuse me, did you become my O.B. when I wasn't looking?"

Addison burst out laughing at the look that earned her.

"Dr. Winslow is the one who put you on bed rest. I will be the one who makes sure you do it."

The banter was fun and playful, and it helped distract Addison from thinking about all the time she was missing with her patients or from letting her mind make up worries over the baby's condition that weren't there. Though they had delayed her amnio until her body had a chance to recover more from the trauma suffered, every day, Robert checked the readouts and the heartbeat and assured her that Baby Girl Shepherd was fine. She knew intellectually that everything was okay. Still, she was a pregnant woman who had come dangerously close to losing her child, not to mention her own life, and Addison wasn't quite past the fear that had left behind. Which was why no one doubted, really, that Addison would be following doctor's orders to the letter at home, once she returned to work, and straight on through until her baby was safely in her arms.

"Okay, so hungry is keeping you awake," Miranda said. "I got a bunch of interns who need to earn some suck up points. What can they get you?"

"Actually, I worked my wiles on Mark and he's picking me something up already." Addison glanced at the clock. "He should be here any..."

The door opened just then, and Mark entered with a large brown paper bag full of takeout and a carrier with three drinks tucked into it. Miranda rolled her eyes and turned toward him.

"Hello, naptime. You heard me when I gave out the rules, right?"

Addison tried not to laugh as Mark flashed her an "I told you so" look.

"She said the baby was hungry."

Miranda pointed toward the bag.

"And what exactly did the baby want for lunch?"

"Uh, Chinese chicken salad with zucchini bread and a large lemonade with extra ice." Mark sat the bag on the bedside table and pulled out a container, placing it on the portable tray table next to Addison.

"And a slice of pie," she added to his order recitation.

"And a slice of pie," he repeated as he pulled a smaller container free. "Chocolate cream."

Mark added the pie to Addison's tray then reached back into the bag.

"I also heard that you might be in the market for a chicken salad on sourdough, pepper, no salt, with double pickles on the side."

He offered the to-go box to Miranda and Addison giggled as the resident reached for it and surveyed the contents.

"Attendings always make better suck ups than interns. All right, you can stay. Thank you for the lunch."

Pulling one of the two remaining drinks free, Mark handed it to Miranda as she passed by him on her way to the door.

"You're welcome, Dr. Bailey."

One last patented Bailey look shot their way before Miranda headed back to work. Addison motioned for Mark to sit down as she opened the lid on her salad.

"Thank you so much. I really am starving. I swear, I've never eaten this much before in my life."

Mark eased down onto the edge of the bed. "You've never been making another person before."

"True. Aren't you eating?"

His eyes darted toward the bag and he waved toward it.

"Later. I ate a big breakfast today. We had the second surgery on Hank Vincent this morning."

"Oh, that's right. How did that go?"

It was in moments like this, when Addison was eating or just resting and Mark recounted a surgery to her or told her about the latest happenings with the interns, that she could see them together. They could talk, they could laugh, they cared about each other and chemistry was definitely not an issue. She could have a life with Mark, and it could be a good one. She didn't understand what was wrong with her that she couldn't just try to open herself up more to the possibility.

When the little voice in her head told her it was because she was waiting for Derek, Addison squashed it down, willing it into silence. She was done... she had decided so, she'd told him so. She and Derek were finished. She loved him. She always would. But she was letting go. She had let go.

She was trying to let go.

"Addison?"

Lost in her rambling thoughts, Addison hadn't realized that Mark had stopped talking. She reached for his hand, blushing slightly out of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about... everything. I didn't mean to zone out."

His thumb moved gently back and forth against her skin where their hands lay connected.

"It's okay. You have a lot to think about."

She shook her head and leaned her other arm against the tray table. "I thought... I figured I'd have heard something by now, you know? He's known all week, and all week I've been sitting here, a captive audience for whatever he wants to say and... nothing."

Mark's eyes darkened a bit and he sighed heavily.

"That's, uh, that's probably my fault. I talked to Derek."

Addison couldn't hide her surprise. "You... you and Derek had a conversation?"

He chuckled at the shock in her voice. "I know, it's hard to believe. But for a few minutes, we forgot we hate each other. And I told him to be sure of what he felt before he came and saw you. So I think he's just, you know, sorting things out. That's all it is."

She wished she could believe that, but the nagging doubt that had been eating away at her for weeks was there still, louder than ever.

"Maybe he just doesn't have anything to say," she replied. "Maybe he just doesn't care one way or the other."

Mark squeezed his fingers against her palm and made sure he had her attention.

"You didn't see him, Addison. He was... Derek was so scared for you. And I know you've convinced yourself that he's moved on and he doesn't feel anything anymore, but you're wrong. He didn't try to beat my ass in the hallway because he doesn't care."

"Now you're talking about me and him." Addison sat up straighter and pulled her hand free of his hold. "I'm talking about the baby. I don't doubt that Derek was worried about me. He's not heartless. He doesn't have to still love me to care if I live or die. I'm talking about the baby, Mark."

He nodded and moved forward, sliding the tray table away. With it gone, he moved closer and took hold of her hands. Addison felt tears stinging her eyes.

"I don't know what Derek thinks about the baby. I don't know what he's going to say. I don't pretend I could even guess."

Addison closed her eyes and nodded. She felt moisture run down her cheeks and then Mark's fingers wiped it away. She lifted her eyelids and focused on his face.

"I said I wasn't going to pressure you. I'm trying really hard to keep that promise," he continued. "But I want you to know that I don't need to think about how I feel, Addison. You know that I love you. I'm going to love anything and anyone that's a part of you. I'm here if you want me. Just know that, okay?"

More drops fell past her lower lashes as Addison brought her hands up to caress his cheeks. Her fingers brushed lightly against his beard.

"I do know," she said, her voice soft and low. "And I promise, Mark, if I say that I want you--us, I won't take it back. If I say it, it'll be for keeps."

He nodded and leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers, then he wrapped his arms around her and Addison held him tight.

It could be a good life. Her head knew it. But her heart wasn't ready. Not yet.

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