Fair warning -- we're talking angst meter on high here, and this is most definitely a Pro Alexis fic with no couple-type pairings fairing very well.



Mac looked at the gaping hole that had replaced the back walls of Greystone. He shook his head, then he turned in a slow circle to survey the work his investigators and the fire fighters were still doing.

He barely heard his cell phone ring for the din, but he did, and Mac pulled the device free from his pocket. When he saw his daughter's name on the screen, he anxiously flipped the unit open.

"Georgie?"

"She's okay, Dad. Maxie's in with her now. She has a broken arm and the doctor said she's still probably in shock."

"I appreciate you girls staying there. I just remember when Maxie was little and in that hospital... the thought of her all alone..."

The memory choked Mac with deep emotion. Even if they weren't his blood, he could never have loved two children more, he knew that.

"I love you, Sweetheart. Tell your sister I love her, too, okay?"

"We love you, too, Dad. Be careful, and I promise, we won't leave her."

Mac breathed a slight sigh of relief as he hung up the phone. A broken arm, shock... he only hoped those injuries were the worst Kristina Davis would suffer this day. The thought of what else she might lose tore at his heart. He couldn't help but think if he'd just worked harder, thought smarter or perhaps just broken more rules to justify his ends, that maybe Sonny Corinthos would've been safely locked away in prison today instead of here, at his own home, making everyone he loved a target.

But regrets weren't going to do anyone any good now. Mac had moved quickly, having Durant and Ric both barred from any contact with the case, and Marcus Taggart was on his way back to Port Charles on special assignment from his new post on the NYPD Organized Crime Task Force to personally head up the investigation.

This time, there would be no bribes, no lost evidence, no loopholes, and no one walking away without paying for their crimes.

*****

He had insisted. He had threatened. It was the usual. Alexis hadn't even flinched when Sonny had declared he would take Kristina for the entire week around her birthday, as was his court-ordered right, if he wasn't allowed to throw her party at his house the way he wanted.

Jax remembered the way she had looked that day at Kelly's. He had run into the Davis girls by chance and had treated them to lunch. Kristina had just been digging into her bowl of chocolate ice cream when her father's arrival had significantly darkened the mood at the table.

[i]"I just wanted to let you know, Kristina's party will be at my house. I'll take care of all the arrangements; you just need to have her there on time."[/i]

Jax remembered the way Alexis had just stared back at him with eyes that reminded him of the photos he'd seen of prisoners who, after years of being beaten, no longer felt fear in the face of their captors even when they knew attack was imminent.

[i]"I already spoke with Mike about doing it here, on neutral ground."

"Look, I'm not gonna fight about this, Alexis. We do it my way or I'll take her for the entire week and you won't get a say and you won't get to be at her birthday party at all. Clear?"[/i]

There would never be a day when Jax didn't feel shame over the realization he'd had that day in the diner as he watched Alexis be cornered so easily, as he watched Kristina shrink away from Sonny when he leaned down to kiss her. He could have saved them all this. She had asked him, begged him, but Jax had encouraged Alexis to stay and fight.

The "if onlys" had threatened to eat him alive then. Now? They consumed him utterly. He had gone to check on Kristina and found her quietly sitting with Georgie and Maxie Jones. Though her eyes were wide and she occasionally responded to yes or no questions, Kristina looked every bit as traumatized as her uncle knew she must feel. And knowing that he could've stopped it... that all he'd needed to do was say "yes" and help Alexis hide with her little girl and this day might never have happened... it would torture him forever.

Jax returned to the O.R. waiting room and stood on his own, leaning against the entry wall. He eyed the oddly mixed group of people waiting for news on loved ones and shook his head. His own fiancée, who he could barely speak to right now, Sam, Carly, Ric...

The dark-haired man looked up and Jax caught his eye as a surge of hate shot through him. Yes, he hated Ric Lansing. The son of a bitch had sworn to God he would stand by Alexis and instead he had betrayed her in the most devastating way imaginable... he had taken her enemy's side and helped to make her powerless.

With a sigh, Jax turned his head toward the big double doors that led to the O.R. and prayed to see a familiar face soon. He just needed to know that his own mistakes hadn't cost him his best friend. He needed to be able to go and tell Kristina that her mother would be all right.

*****

Nikolas drew in a deep breath of air and leaned his hands against the rooftop ledge. He had escaped here to keep himself from going back to prison, to force himself to keep his promise to the aunt he loved more than he'd ever shown.

"I need you by my side and in my life, Nikolas," she had said. "Kristina and I and this baby, we need someone in our lives who we know is our family. So please, no matter what anyone does, you have to stay out of trouble and stay with us."

Family... she was his, and the truth was that Alexis and her children were all the family he had now aside from Lucky. Even though Luke and his brother had come through and proven Helena was alive to win him back his freedom, Nikolas had come home to a broken marriage and a feeling that his life would never been the same again.

It was his aunt who had held his hand and told him he would survive and he would heal and he would move on. It was her constant insistence that he reclaim his life that had gotten Nikolas to turn his attention away from his grief and toward rebuilding Cassadine Industries.

He felt he'd done very little in return, and so now the least he could do was honor her request and not beat Ric Lansing senseless or break into the PCPD to choke the life out of Sonny Corinthos. He could not rush into the O.R. and drag Jason Morgan off the table and let him die as painful a death as he deserved. For Alexis, Nikolas pushed down every dark Cassadine urge that was surging through him and instead, he closed his eyes and hoped that somehow she and her little girl would be as fortunate as Kristina had been on this terrible day.

The sound was still in his ears. Sounds--the explosion and then the scream that had come out of Kristina as her terror and panic had overwhelmed her. He'd raced to his cousin, scooping her up, careful of the arm he could tell was badly injured, and Nikolas had held her close as he moved her away from the falling debris and the heat and the fire that was destroying Corinthos' house. His instinct had been to race back and search for his aunt, but he knew what Alexis would say--stay with Kristina, watch over her. And so Nikolas had waited for 35 agonizing minutes until he had seen them--Corinthos and Lansing following the paramedics as they carried Alexis unconscious toward the ambulances that had gathered.

The doctors could tell him nothing but that they would do their best. Kristina, thankfully had friends watching over her; her injuries not serious, thank God. The police were looking for answers.

Nikolas gripped his hands against the ledge and screamed out in frustration as the dark sky loomed above. He had been unable to do anything to help Alexis fight Corinthos, he had been away from her when things with Lansing had taken such an ugly turn. But now, he was here... and he knew that his grip on his Cassadine self would slip and give way to a vengeance like nothing Port Charles had ever seen if his aunt lost her life tonight.

There would be no more injury without retribution. Nikolas would make sure of it from this point forward.

*****

Luke winked at his sister and then slipped into the ICU room. Alexis lay still in her bed, the surgery to save her life a success, but the cost unimaginably high. Sighing, he moved to the chair next to his friend... next to the only Cassadine he imagined he'd ever use the word to describe... and he sat down.

"Hey, Tash. I hear you've still got a few lives left, huh?"

She stirred slightly, but did not wake. Luke sat back, just content to see her breathing.

"I checked on Little Bit for you. She's got herself quite the entourage. Mac and Felicia's girls and Dillon and Nikolas and Lucky... they're all keeping an eye on her to make sure that she knows her mama's gonna be back with her real soon and that she's safe and sound. And Nik's not lettin' anyone from Corinthos-land near her, so don't worry."

He had never imagined that it would actually come to this, that Alexis would have to be laying in a hospital bed half-dead for someone to finally hear her. Luke was no kind of decent father, and he knew that, but he knew enough about parenting to know that his friend had been dead on from day one--Corinthos' life was no place for a child. Now his former partner and friend was living the very nightmare Luke had feared for so long--his children and his family hurt, suffering and dying because they had the misfortune of knowing him.

The last few years had sapped Luke of a lot of his humanity. He could admit that. Losing Laura had ripped him into a thousand pieces with jagged, tattered edges that had taken a long time to knit back together. But there was nothing like seeing someone you cared about, someone who was strong and smart and, no matter what she thought, fearless, nearly brought down by an apathetic town and a wholly unsympathetic system.

"I know I wasn't there like I coulda been, Natasha, but I'm here now. So you just get strong and get well, and whatever you and that little Cassadine angel need, I'll make sure you get it. I promise."

Luke eased Alexis' hand back down on the bed and then he stood and headed off down the hallways. He needed to find his son. He needed to find Laura's son. And then they all needed to go and see Lulu and try to remember what it felt like to be a family... before they lost the chance forever.

*****

Alan Quartermaine stood outside the hospital room, the small bundle in his arms, and sighed. Another lost soul... another life to be laid at Sonny Corinthos' feet.

Easing the door open with his shoulder, Alan looked at his now ex-son-in-law Nikolas Cassadine. The younger man nodded, and Alan moved further into the room and toward the bed where Alexis lay waiting.

"Are you sure you should..."

Her voice cut off his concern. "Bobbie said they need to take her. I... I need to do it now."

Alan nodded. Nikolas stepped closer to his aunt so he could help her support the meager six pounds that would tax her badly injured body, and then Alan placed the lifeless body into the heartbroken mother's arms.

"Hello, my sweetheart."

Basic human decency pulled Alan in two different directions. He wanted to let Alexis have this moment alone, but he also wanted to be right there, ready to reclaim the baby's body when the good-bye became too much for her. So he moved to the corner and waited and felt the shared pain of a lost child.

"I knew you would be beautiful," she said as she stared down at the perfect, cold being. Alan marveled himself that the internal injury that had claimed Baby Girl Lansing's life had left nothing to mar her appearance. It seemed almost as if one good breath should be enough to bring the little girl back to life, back to the world that she had never gotten a chance to truly see. But there were no miracles to be had in this story.

"I wish you could stay here with me and with your sister," Alexis said. "But I know that your aunt Kristina and your uncle Stefan and your grandmother are all with you, and they'll take care of you until Mama is with you again."

Alan closed his eyes. He hoped Alexis was right, though his own faith in God had been shaken so deeply by what had happened to his family the past several years, he was no longer sure.

"Thank you for coming to be my daughter. And thank you for all the hope you brought to my life."

"Alan."

Nikolas' voice drew the doctor's eyes open. Alexis had reached her limit. Alan moved forward and took the baby from her arms, waiting to rewrap the blanket over the little face until he was outside.

"Did you… did you want to name her, Alexis?"

"Amelia. Amelia Davis Lansing."

With answer in hand, Alan nodded and left the room. He then carefully made his way back to the morgue and back to the place where Amelia Davis Lansing would wait to be taken away to her resting place. Despite his earlier feeling of lacking faith, Alan suddenly felt overwhelmed by a wave of it.

"My mother will watch over you, too, Amelia," he whispered, tears stinging at his eyes as he prepared to close the door on this life lost too soon. "Lila always loved your mommy. And I know she'll help take care of you. I'm so, so sorry this happened to you."

*****

Alexis sat upright for the first time in days, her body finally healed enough for her to do so without being in pain. She stared down at the papers in her hand, still slightly amazed at them.

"Sonny had Taggart deliver the papers to me personally. He, uh... he's likely to be underground with the marshals for some time.

Alexis had nodded. "And all it took was one dead baby."

So now it was over. Sonny had signed away his rights to Kristina on a legal document. On a piece of stationary he had written out, "I'm sorry." Alexis wondered if he thought that somehow made it all okay, if he thought the wrong had been righted by him finally... finally doing what was simply the right thing to do.

She knew that the police had traced the bomb back to the one surviving Sandoval, a man who had decided he wanted maximum vengeance instead of justice. He had run from witness protection and put the hit out on Sonny with the help of the now very disgruntled five families. But Taggart was certain that Sandoval had chosen the birthday party to strike back in an equal fashion as to what he had suffered. If Sonny could kill his entire family, so he, too, could do to Sonny's.

The net result had been devastating. Jason was dead, more than a dozen of Sonny's other guards and such were also lost. Reese had also been killed, the agent having been at nearly the exact site of detonation when the bomb had gone off. Carly and her sons had escaped injury but had disappeared--the woman finally getting smart and running for cover with her sons after years of living in denial. And without Jason to help him stabilize his organization, Sonny had been left with little choice but do the very thing he'd fought for so long--turn state's evidence and accept federal protection.

Alexis knew that of the survivors, she had been the most badly injured. She and her unborn daughter. She and her dead daughter.

"Jax said you were ready to see me?"

Alexis looked up at her husband and nodded. Ric stepped into the room and cautiously approached the bed. For a moment, he just stood there. Then he leaned over as if he meant to embrace her. Alexis recoiled and waited for him to pull back.

"I... Alexis, I'm so sorry."

"For which part?" she asked.

"All of it."

The words were as hollow to her as her insides felt now. She said nothing because, honestly, she didn't know what to say.

"I, uh, I made arrangements for a memorial service for... for Amelia. I'm just waiting for them to tell me when you can go home so--"

"Don't wait for me. Do what you want whenever you want."

She could see the true shock on his face, though Alexis was stunned herself that he could be surprised. Dear God, had he really imagined that anything he might do or say would make a difference now?

"You... you don't want to come to Amelia's memorial service?" he asked, his voice shaking as he sank down into the visitor's chair.

"I've said good-bye to my little girl. I don't need to go stand in a room full of people who told me repeatedly that I was crazy or overprotective or neurotic or downright ridiculous for being afraid for my child... for my children... when they were around Sonny and let them try to console me now."

"And I guess that, um, includes me?"

She turned to him and saw his eyes pleading with her for clemency. Ric really did want her forgiveness; Alexis could see it. But she had none to give.

"I begged you. I begged you… and you ignored me. And now what am I supposed to do, Ric, hold your hand and help you grieve a child we would never have lost if it weren't for your tragic need to be loved by your big brother at any cost? I'm sorry. I'm afraid you've mistaken me for Liz or Carly or Sam or some woman built with the ability to forgive the unforgivable."

"I never meant for this to happen," he yelled. "I never wanted you or the kids hurt."

"But you did nothing to try to stop it, did you? How many times, Ric? How many times did you have the power to take down Sonny's godforsaken business and yet it never happened?"

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but she shook her head.

"I'm done, Ric. Do you get that? Done. Sonny's given up Kristina. Amelia is gone. My ties with you and your brother are broken forever, and I don't need or want either of you in my life... not anymore."

"But Kristina..."

"Is trying to deal with what happened to her in the house where you and Sonny both promised her she'd be safe. Kristina doesn't need anymore promises from you either. Nikolas is taking her home to Wyndemere with him until I get out of here. By that time, I expect you to be moved out of my apartment. Dara's filing divorce papers today. If you try and fight me, I swear to God, I will expose every corrupt thing you have done as D.A., Ric."

"Alexis, I love you. We have a family. We can get through this."

"Oh, I'll get through it, because I know that I did everything in my power to try and keep Kristina and Amelia alive. Kristina is all I have left. And she and Nikolas are my family, Ric, not you. You have Sonny. He's your family now."

He tried for nearly an hour to sway her, but all his pleas fell on deaf ears, and finally Jax opened the door and told Ric it was time to go. Defeated, he stood and walked out without another word.

The dam broke as soon as the door closed. Alexis dissolved, all of her grief over her marriage, her little girl, the life she had dreamed of pouring out of her. Jax held her as she cried.

"Why wouldn't anyone listen, Jax? Why?"

He sighed and held her tighter.

"Maybe no one wanted to imagine what could happen if you were right. No one wanted to see just how terrible it would be."

Alexis thought of the smile she could barely bring out on Kristina's face as her daughter struggled with her demons from the bombing. She thought of the small, motionless little girl that she would never hold again. She thought of the husband she couldn't even hate now, she was so indifferent. And she pushed away visions of the face of the man she held responsible for it all.

"I'd give anything if I could've been wrong," she whispered, her hand clutching at Jax's shirt as a new wave of tears rained from her eyes.

Commentary?

Contact the author