|
a little story to commemorate the second anniversary of Sonny and Alexis and their magical night.
It was just after 11. Alexis was tired. Beyond physically tired... she was just worn out. Her life had been an endless
parade of hoops she'd had to jump through for people for so long now, it was hard to remember when it had been anything else.
Sonny, Cameron, Ned, Skye, Stefan, Judge Farmer, Carly, Lorenzo... the list of names made up the bizarre, often destructive
cast of characters who had dominated her life the for the last 24 months.
Now it seemed Ric Lansing was her latest task master. How the hell had she let him provoke her into taking on Faith Rosco
as a client? Granted, his case was full of holes and she knew she had a damn good chance of winning, but was this woman not
everything she'd sworn to avoid in future clients, in associates of any kind, in her life period?
Shaking her head, Alexis put down her files and her legal pad, pulled off her glasses and added them to the stack on the
coffee table, and then she stood, arching her back to stretch after too many hours hunkered down on the couch. A hot shower
helped relax the tense muscles in her neck and shoulders, and then she pulled on her favorite pair of silk pajamas. She was
far from ready to sleep, but at least now she was more comfortable.
A trip to the kitchen and two minutes at the microwave produced a perfectly popped bag of popcorn, and Alexis emptied
it into a bowl and padded back out to the living room. After picking up the two date books that sat on her desk and transporting
them to the sofa, she sat down, put her feet up and turned on some quiet music while she munched on her snack and returned
to the task she worked at a bit every night once.
Electronics were not her forte. She was woman enough to admit that. But the PDA was useful and she was trying to adjust
to it in her life. What Alexis hadn't counted on was the sheer volume of contacts she'd acquired over the years of her life
in Port Charles. And they were, it turned out, spread through years worth of day planners and scribbled notes and business
cards. She knew her assistant could have probably programmed all the damn numbers in a few hours, but Alexis was determined
to get better acquainted with her new toy by doing this herself.
Her legal contacts had all made it in and her main calendar was also already set up. And Alexis had to admit, she liked
the convenience of having her list of Harvard alumni so easily accessible when it came to looking for ways to get in doors
at companies or agencies she wasn't familiar with.
Today she was determined to finish her birthday list, mostly because she had missed two key ones over the past few months.
Yes, her life had been nuts, and yes, both people had forgiven her, but Alexis hated missing dates like that. If life had
taught her anything, it was that special moments and important events should be cherished. You never knew which one might
be the last one you got to spend with a loved one.
Her planner from 2002 was always the last one she would pick up when she worked on "the PDA project," as she'd
dubbed it. Names like "Kristina" and "Zander" and all the notes to call Stefan about some issue or another...
they all just made her too sad. And there were far too many notations of the initials "S.C." throughout it... too
many "Meet Sonnys"... too many reminders of the life she'd taken for granted as hers before it had been destroyed.
Sure there were lots of "Sonny" and "S.C." notes in her calendars from the years before 2002. But
sometime toward mid-2001, she'd noticed that her notes about Sonny had changed. Before they'd been scrawled out like a reminder
of something she didn't want to do. Then they became notes of things she didn't mind. And then they became notes of things
she looked forward to. And now they were all reminders of things that were lost.
Sighing, Alexis forced herself to move through the book, carefully retrieving any birthdays she'd missed pulling over
to the new gadget that would streamline all this information for her from now on.
When she got to April, she froze.
Sonny's birthday was in April.
Sonny's birthday was the day after...
Alexis slammed the book shut, pushed her popcorn aside and turned, her face falling to her hands as she fought off the
memories she did not want to acknowledge or think about in any way.
Today. His birthday was the day after today. Which meant that... God, had it really been two years? Had it only been
two years? Sometimes she wasn't sure. She'd endured so much in those long, painful cycles of months and weeks and days that
it felt like it must have been 10 years at least... and yet there were times when it felt like the pain of all of it was so
new it must have just happened.
Minutes ticked off the clock as she sat there, wondering at it all. Finally, Alexis stood and moved quietly down the
hallway. She passed her own room and stopped at the door beside it.
Yes, it had been two years. The living proof of that was asleep on the other side of the door.
Alexis eased into her baby's room and stared at the serenely sleeping form illuminated just a bit by the light from the
hall. Her angel was dreaming, her dark eyes hidden by closed lids, her messy curls forming a halo around her head.
Regrettable... she used that word a lot to describe the night she'd experience two years ago today. And she did regret
it in that sense that it had, ultimately, cost her so dearly. And admittedly, if she could wish Kristina into being someone
else's daughter, she would. It would save them both so much anguish and stress and worry.
But she knew nothing about her past could be changed without changing this little girl who so made up the core of her
being. And because Kristina was perfection, Alexis would change nothing--not the how, not the when... and not the who, no
matter how afraid of Sonny she might be.
"Tomorrow is your daddy's birthday, little one," she whispered, her voice so soft the baby didn't even stir.
"And tonight... tonight is the anniversary of when he and I made you."
Alexis moved forward, her hands leaning on the railing of the crib as her eyes gazed down lovingly at her child. "No
matter what you ever hear me say, angel, and no matter what happens... I promise I'll never lie to you about one thing. That
night, Mommy loved your daddy with all her heart. And Daddy was loving and caring and wonderful to me, and I won't ever forget
that."
Kristina was proof to her that things could be meant to be. She and Sonny had been careful. They were grown ups, they
knew what happened if you weren't. But when he'd come back to bed and their attempts to sleep had been sidetracked by a renewed
hunger for one another... well, they hadn't been as careful. When she could think about that night, Alexis couldn't help
but wonder if that had been when this child she'd never imagined having had come to be.
"You have sweet, beautiful dreams, my angel."
Alexis kissed the tips of her fingers and ran then lightly over Kristina's belly. Then she turned and left the room,
closing the door behind her.
When she got back to the sofa, the open date book was still there. Alexis sank back down to her seat, her eyes fixed
on it, her mind unsure of what it wanted to do.
She decided.
She didn't put the date in her PDA.
She did tear the sheet from her old planner.
But she didn't throw it away.
She stuck the piece of paper with its ruined "RIL" header and the date circled in red in a file marked "Kristina"
with her daughter's birth certificate, passport, first photos and medical history.
The clock struck midnight not long after she closed the filing cabinet. The anniversary of the night her life had changed
was over. It was time to put away the errant memories the date had set free in her mind. And so Alexis willed away the sound
of Sonny's voice and the feel of his hands and the vision of his face. She forced them all back into the place in her heart
where they were still allowed to live so long as they didn't try to make her feel too much or think too much or miss him too
much.
It was safer that way... for all of them.
|
