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Alexis finished buttoning her blouse and picked up the small black and white slip of paper Dr. Meadows had handed to her before
she went back into her office. Baby Davis - 16 weeks. Alexis had opted not to find out what sex the baby was. It didn't
matter. Her son or daughter was already the center of her universe, and Kristian worked either way. Middle names she'd worry
about when she saw her baby for the first time.
Carefully sliding the sonogram photo into her purse, Alexis shouldered her bag and then walked through the door into Dr.
Meadows' office. She took a seat in her usual chair and waited as her physician looked up.
"Alexis, I have to say, I'm very pleased. Your blood pressure is down again from last week and down significantly
from three weeks ago."
"Well, you made it clear how important it was for the baby that I take it easy, and nothing is more important to
me right now than getting this baby into the world safe and sound."
"That's obvious," Dr. Meadows said, as she slid her glasses off of her face and placed them on the desk. "I
know these last three weeks have been very hard on you, and I'm certainly not surprised that keeping stress to a minimum hasn't
been easy. But it's also very apparent that that little baby has a loving, attentive mother already."
For the first time in weeks, Alexis smiled a real smile. It wasn't a big smile, but Alexis knew it was real because it
felt foreign on her face - as if she hadn't smiled in months. From the moment she'd seen Kristina laying in the heap of rubble
that was once Sonny's warehouse, her smile had disappeared. But thinking of her child...today, she could smile for that.
"When you make your next appointment, do it for two weeks from today. If you're still doing this well, we'll go
back to once a month until you get to your eighth month."
"Okay, then, I'll see you in two weeks," Alexis said as she picked up her purse and stood up.
"Not so fast. We're not quite finished yet." Dr. Meadows stood up and walked over to the door of the office.
She opened it and indicated that Alexis should follow her.
"Where are we going?"
"There's just something I want you to see before you leave today." The warmth on Dr. Meadows face was unmistakable,
and it drew Alexis toward her. It was so nice to have someone just be around her, not try to comfort her or handle her, just
be themselves. So Alexis shrugged and, though confused, she followed Dr. Meadows down the hall.
They walked for a few minutes before Dr. Meadows used her key to open a secure door. As Alexis walked through, she noticed
a sign that said "Nursery" on the wall. That explained the locked door. A few more feet, and then Dr. Meadows
stopped and looked at Alexis as she motioned to her left with her hand.
"What do you think?"
Alexis turned her gaze to what Dr. Meadows' hand had moved toward. She found herself looking through a large glass window
at six tiny newborn babies. Four had pink blankets wrapped around them, two had blue, and Alexis was mesmerized.
"They're all so small."
"Yes, they are. But they're all strong and healthy."
Her eyes darted from baby to baby taking in special features from each, this cleft in this one's chin and the long eyelashes
on the baby girl in the back. The little boy up front had the longest fingers and he kept waving them as if he was moving
in slow motion. And then there was the little girl just in front of Alexis. She was the smallest baby there, but she was
absolutely gorgeous...and she had two perfect dimples.
Alexis' breath caught as those dimples reminded her how much her baby needed to be protected. Her hand instinctively
moved to her stomach and began to move in small circles there. She felt Dr. Meadows hand upon her shoulder.
"They're such a joy, Alexis. And that joy is only a few months away for you. Before you know it, you'll be holding
your little one in your arms."
Alexis laughed slightly and looked at Dr. Meadows. "That's what I call the baby, little one."
"You're going to be okay, Alexis; that is if you follow all your doctor's orders."
"I will," Alexis said, nodding for emphasis, "I promise."
"Well, then my orders for the rest of today are for you to take a walk, enjoy the sunshine, and relax. And then
I want you to call a friend and go somewhere for dinner. Trust me, you better enjoy the time while you have it, because once
that little bundle arrives..."
Dr. Meadows chuckled slightly and Alexis joined her. "I know, I know, my life as I know it is over." It sounded
like a joke, but as Alexis said the words, she realized that was what she wanted more than anything...for her life as she
knew it to be over. Baby Kristian was her new beginning, and she couldn't wait.
Twenty minutes later Alexis was doing just what her doctor had ordered, she was walking through the park in the late afternoon
sunshine. It was bright and warm today, but it had been so long since she'd really been outside. Kristina's service didn't
count, and since then all she had done was venture out for groceries and doctor's appointments.
The sun was warm on her face, and Alexis looked up, eyes closed, and whispered, "Thank you for my beautiful day,
Kristina."
She missed her sister. She knew she always would. But Alexis also knew that Dr. Meadows was right, she had to get on
with her life. Her baby was counting on her.
Reaching into her purse, Alexis pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed a number she knew by heart.
"Hello?"
"Jax, it's me."
"Alexis, hey. Is everything okay?"
"Things are...they're what they are. But I did go to the doctor today and I'll have you know I am getting A-pluses
for my taking it easy and staying calm skills."
"Well, I guess there's a first time for everything."
Alexis wanted to kiss him through the phone when he made that joke. God, it felt so normal, so right. She smiled again
- the third smile of her day - and rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her.
"Yeah, yeah, you're so funny. Anyway, I'm under doctor's orders to have dinner with a friend tonight. Are you interested?"
"I wouldn't miss it. What time?"
"I'm taking a walk right now, then I'll probably need a nap. How about 7:00 at the Grille?"
"I'll be there. And Alexis, just in case you've forgotten, I love you."
"I love you, too, Jax. See you at 7:00."
Hanging up the phone, Alexis put it away and resumed her walk. One foot in front of the other, one day out and dinner
with a friend at a time, and she'd be back in her life again...and that, she knew, was what Kristina would want. Besides,
she had to admit, the walk felt good. Her body was more relaxed and yet energized than it had been in weeks.
Alexis was walking along, actually feeling good, and then she rounded the bend by the swings intending to sit down and
watch the kids play for a while. Instead she froze in her tracks.
Sonny was pushing Michael on the swing furthest from her.
She couldn't move. She knew she didn't want to move forward; she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. But Alexis couldn't
make herself move backwards either. She was absolutely trapped by her own inability to undertake physical action. Then she
heard Michael laugh and say, "Higher, Daddy, higher," and the sick feeling that rolled through her body finally
proved strong enough to overcome her shock. Alexis turned and began to walk away.
Sonny saw her just as she began to turn around. She looked pale, like she was going to pass out, and his heart instantly
clenched in fear. He looked back at Leticia quickly as he began to walk away.
"Leticia, I have to check on something."
The nanny nodded and took Sonny's position behind the swing as Sonny swiftly moved after Alexis. He didn't call out to
her. He knew that if she heard his voice, she would start running, and he was worried enough about her as it was. Alexis
made it all the way to the bridge before he could get close enough to reach out for her.
"Alexis..."
She felt his hand on her shoulder and she immediately spun on her heel and looked at him with cold, hard eyes. "Don't
touch me."
Sonny drew his hand away and held both of them up as if he had been told to freeze by the police. "I'm sorry. I
just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Alexis still felt the sick feeling in her stomach, and it was quickly joined by confusion. He was worried about her?
What the...why did he care about her at all? Hadn't she done what he found unforgivable...disgraced him in public? Why did
he care at all what was happening to her? And why was she surprised, frightened and touched by that realization all at the
same time?
"I'm fine, Sonny, I'm just tired. Please, excuse me."
He couldn't let her go. He had avoided her ever since the funeral out of respect for how she was feeling, but Sonny had
known even as he walked away from the service that day that as soon as she would let him, he would try to put things right
with them. Alexis was too important to just leave things as they were.
"Alexis, please..." He reached out for her again, and though she avoided his touch, she turned to face him.
Sonny watched as she straightened her shoulders and stood taller. As he looked at her he could still see the pain and anger
floating off of her in waves.
"What do you want, Sonny? Isn't it enough that you've ruined what was the first decent day I've had by throwing
another of my mistakes in my face?"
Sonny looked at her, his confusion real. "What are you talking about, Alexis, what mistakes?"
"Letting you in my life cost me my sister. And since when does Michael call you 'Daddy'?"
Sonny looked down at the ground. Alexis' words of rage from the funeral came flying back at him in his own mind, and
he understood instantly what it was she meant.
"Alexis..."
"How I could have done this, helped trap that poor little boy anywhere near you? Sonny, you say you care how I am,
how I feel? Imagine how I'm going to feel when I find out that some bomb or some stray bullet or some kidnapping gone wrong
has cost that little boy his life. Then do something to stop it."
"I would never let anything happen to Michael."
"Empty words, Sonny, but then again, you're good at those. Sort of like 'everything's gonna be okay, I promise.'
Remember that?"
How could he forget? It was the last moment in his life that didn't feel occupied by loss. The next morning, it had been
the loss of Carly, and since Carly's return, the loss of Alexis, one piece at a time.
"I remember, Alexis. I meant it. I'm sorry I couldn't keep that promise."
Somehow, hearing him admit his failure only made Alexis angrier. He knew, he knew he'd failed her, failed them, and yet
here he was still trying to push his way back into her life?
"Don't worry about it, Sonny. I'm used to you not keeping your promises when Carly demands your attention. Sort
of like how I'm used to you thinking you're the only person in the world that matters."
"That's not true."
"No? Then why the hell didn't you just let me walk away? Because you thought I needed to see you? Because you
thought I needed to tell you something? No, because YOU needed to see me, because YOU needed to say something. Well, I don't
care, Sonny. I'm done caring about you and what you need."
She turned again, ready to storm away and Sonny almost stood there and watched her leave. He would have except that he
felt something inside of him screaming out and demanding that he not let go. He could not let go.
His hands were on her and when she tried to pull away, he held her tighter and soon she was backed up against the wall
of the bridge. Sonny tried to keep his hold gentle, but Alexis continued to struggle and finally he shook her slightly and
yelled out her name. Alexis froze and stared at him. He couldn't see what was going on in her mind, how desperate she was
to get away from him. How could she still feel anything for this man when he had cost her so much? She had to feel nothing
but anger, nothing but hate. It was the only way.
"So that's why you went back to Carly, huh? You couldn't take being with a woman who liked it gentle, who liked
you when you were tender? Well, then I guess you're with the right woman after all."
"Alexis, stop this."
"No, Sonny, you stop. Stop acting like I matter to you when we both know that I never meant anything to you. I
was just a stop on your road back to Carly, a nice, warm body to take for a ride on your satin sheets before you went back
to the woman who supposedly loves you so much. Tell me, Sonny, how much do you think she'll love you when her son dies because
of the life you live?"
"I would never let anyone hurt Michael!" This time he yelled at her, his face only inches from hers.
"You've already let someone hurt him, or did you think it was easy for Michael to have his mother lie and pretend
to be dead and let him wonder where she was? Oh, but, that's right...Carly is allowed to do anything she wants; lie to you,
set you up, whatever it takes to keep your attention and keep things interesting, right?"
Sonny was losing it, and he knew it. Alexis was pushing his buttons, and he was standing here with his hands on her body
and he felt his wheels beginning to spin. The things she had said to him in the hospital and at the service had broken his
heart, but they had not made him feel this river of anger that was building inside of him. She was trying to provoke him,
and he didn't know why.
Alexis could feel her heart pounding in her chest at being this close to Sonny, and she was screaming inside for it to
stop. Don't feel like this, don't want him, don't want to let him hold you....stay angry, stay fierce, make him hate you,
make him never want to see you again. It's the only way, Alexis, she told herself again as if it were a mantra. It's the
only way to keep your baby safe.
"You know what I find so amusing, Sonny? You, supposed feared mob boss, take off in the middle of a mob war to go
romance the little woman, and while you're gone a plot is undertaken to blow up your warehouse...an act that ends up killing
my sister, and yet you can stand there and declare, for certain, that nothing will ever hurt Michael. What a wonderful world
of denial you live in."
"Alexis, what are you doing?"
"Being honest. Isn't that what we're supposed to do with each other, be honest? So honestly, tell me, how long
did Carly make you beg and plead before she took you back? What was it you had to give up, hmm? Let me guess, you had to
promise her that you would never come back to me, that nothing about us would ever come between you. Am I on the right track?
And what a sacrifice that must have been seeing as how I'd already moved out, quit as your lawyer and told you that I didn't
want to be in your life anymore. You got off cheap. I guess I should take that as some sense of pride. At least I got another
person's life out of you in exchange for our little roll in the hay."
"It wasn't a roll in the hay, Alexis. That night meant..."
"It meant nothing to you, you've made that abundantly clear. What it meant to me, well, that's none of your business
now. I'll tell you one thing, though, Carly's always telling me I better have a photographic memory so I can remember that
night...well, I hope you have one, too, Sonny, because that was the last night of real love and tenderness you will ever know
in your life if you choose to stay the man you are and you stay with a woman who wants nothing more than to keep you trapped
in the hell you call your life."
Sonny had been fighting for control, fighting for the strength to release her, but when she'd begun talking about their
night together as if it were something that was gone and would never happen again...even though reason told him she was right,
it could never happen again, he was married, she hated him...something in him rebelled. It couldn't be over. He wouldn't
let it be over.
She was against his body and his lips were on hers before she even knew what had happened. She felt his kiss as he moved
his mouth hard upon hers, demanding entry, and Alexis granted his demand, his tongue moving into her mouth and claiming her
as surely as he had the night they had made their child.
But it was because of her child that instead of yielding, instead of giving in to what her heart was begging her for,
she renewed her commitment to the course she had begun the moment she'd started assaulting Sonny with words about his marriage
and Carly. She was going to make him hate her if it took everything she had. Alexis knew she would only be free of him when
he hated her.
Sonny felt her melt against him as her mouth became warm and soft against his. She was responding and he leaned against
her more heavily, his weight pushing her against the wall even more than she already was. He was about to get lost in the
feeling of being so close to her again when he felt her hands on his belt. Quickly, he pulled back and looked in her eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"This is what you want, isn't it? Hot, angry sex? That's your thing, right? I might as well oblige you. We can
call it one for the road."
Alexis grabbed him, pulling him back against her as her mouth now did the demanding, her hands dropping back to his belt.
And that's when Sonny realized what she was doing...she was trying to make him see her as another fraud, another betrayer
in his life that he couldn't trust and wanted to cast away. She was trying to make him hate her. Sonny pulled away from
her roughly and put his hands on her face, forcing her to look at him.
"I won't let you do this, Alexis."
"No one let's me do anything."
"Then I won't play your game."
Alexis pushed his hands away and turned around, giving him her back. She was almost shaking from the tumult of emotion
that was playing out inside of her.
"I don't play games, Sonny. I'm not your wife."
Sonny stepped closer so that his lips were by her ear, but he did not touch her. "No, you're my friend, and nothing
you do will ever make me forget that. I will not let you go, Alexis. I will never let you go."
She heard his words and wanted to melt away, partly because she knew he was telling the truth and her fear for her child
was suddenly stronger than ever, and partly because she knew he was telling the truth and some part of her heart that lived
beyond reason did not want him to let go. It was that duality of feeling that caused her voice to come out in a tear-filled
whisper.
"Even if it's what I need you to do?"
"You said it yourself, I'm a selfish bastard. And I don't want to let you go, so I won't."
Alexis turned and for a moment, their eyes locked. In that gaze, for that brief second, Alexis saw a glimmer of the man
who she knew lived in the body of Sonny Corinthos, the man she imagined was the boy who had taken his mother to the ballet
at Carnegie Hall. That was the man she thought of as her baby's father. In that look, Sonny saw a glimpse of the woman who
had believed in him unyieldingly until he had given her reason not to. That was the woman he could not lose.
"Sonny, please, stay away from me, stay away from my baby. I can't lose anything else, not for you, not for anyone."
Turning away from him, Alexis slowly took one step, then another, and soon she was walking away from Sonny. This time,
he did not follow. This time, Sonny did what he knew Alexis needed him to do. It was okay to let her leave because he knew
this meeting in the park wasn't goodbye. He wouldn't let it be.
Sonny took his time walking back to the playground, and when he returned it was to find Carly cooing over Michael as he
enjoyed an ice cream. Suddenly Alexis' words were in his mind again...
"Imagine how I'm going to feel when I find out that some bomb or some stray bullet or some kidnapping gone wrong
has cost that little boy his life. Then do something to stop it."
Looking at the child Alexis had helped him make his own, Sonny knew what it was he had to do, and though the how eluded
him, the why was crystal clear.
"I will find a way, Alexis. I will find a way to keep Michael safe, for you."
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